


Chronicles of a Broken Heart

by KaenTheDark



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, F/M, Falling In Love, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hunters & Hunting, Massachusetts, Sirens, Smut, Utah - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-20
Updated: 2016-11-20
Packaged: 2018-09-01 01:33:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 66,004
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8601970
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KaenTheDark/pseuds/KaenTheDark
Summary: Kate has been hanging around with the winchester boys for some time now. One night she tries to get away from it all for a little while and It gives Dean an opportunity to see who she really is. Or possibly get shot.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This story is very close to my heart. It is pretty much, literally me stuck in the supernatural universe. I used this story to really get over a lot of crazy stuff that happened in my life. It helped me sort out my feelings and get my head on straight.

I've been on the road since I was 24. I tend to fly solo. It's easier that way. Well, until about a year and a half ago. It took the Winchester boys months to convince me to join their girl scout troupe. People are always trouble but these guys are trouble to the Nth degree.

I finally agree to join, after they followed me around and kept butting in on my cases, I knew I couldn't shake them. They took me to their little club house. I didn't really need them but whoa was that place full of useful stuff. Research for days and gun range! if anything It was definitely a good bat cave.

Sam wasn't too bad. He was nice enough, and he knew when to Fuck off. But Dean... Ugh. He was your typical hunter. Cocky smile, always got his mark, knew just what to say. Hah just like me. My list of friends began and ended with one name so I guess it couldn't really hurt to have a few solid contacts.

As I sip my rum elegantly through a straw I can see Dean down the other end of the bar. We frequented this place often, usually staying out of each other's way unless we needed help pulling a con.

It is pretty dead tonight. No good mark to roll and no piece of ass to blow off some steam with for either of us. I watch as he strikes out with the only half way decent broad in the place. He skulks over and sinks in to the chair beside me. He signals the bar tender for 2 shots and sighs.

"No luck?" I ask with my perfectly arched brow raised. He shoots me that adorable pout that makes all the girls melt. Not me, I know his game.

"Nah. Slim pickings tonight." The bartender slides the shots to us and we down them like we always do. I've been shaking down this bar with Dean for the past year. Maybe we should find a new place.

"Wanna let me buy you a drink and get wasted?" It is the same offer he always makes on slow nights. Mostly I accept. Who says no to free booze? But no, not tonight.

"Sorry sugar. I have better things to do than get drunk with some dork in an impala." I wink at him, laughing at how he squirms when I flirt with him. I finish my drink in one big gulp and head outside, leaving Dean to his shots. His beloved impala is parked next to my Camaro ss like it always is. They are both glorious cars but Dean always had to pull out the ruler.

I slide in to the welcoming driver’s seat of my Sheila. She has been with me for a long time and survived a lot. Dean loves his Impala almost as much as I love Sheila. I drive around fairly aimlessly for a while. The purr of her engine washes over me, bringing a strange sense of calm that I can only find in her drivers seat. The bunker is nice and all but it is no place to be when you want to be alone. It didn't feel like home, not like Sheila does.

I find a good spot. one I have haunted for a while now. I pull up on to the grassy hill that overlooks the lake. I kill the lights and cut the engine.

Stepping out in to the night air I can see the stars reflecting off the lake as the crescent moon casts a soft glow over Sheila and I. I stare off in to space as I let the cricket choir take my mind far away.

I wonder how Sam is doing. I do miss her but it's better this way. It was never the same after she met her husband. She hardly had time for me before, but now with him and popping out 3 kids I never stood a chance. Sure, her kids call me auntie Kate and I visit when I can, but it will never be like it was when we were kids.

You would think I became a hunter like everyone else did. Family murdered by monsters or some other supernatural bull shit or born in to the life, but no. Cancer. Cancer took everything from me. My father was all I had and I lost him to something I can't even fight.

He died when I was 19. I bounced around from job to job, state to state for a few years and met some hunters along the way. The rest is history.

I had nothing going for me but at least this way I can fight and maybe do some good.

I took in a shaky breath as I come back to reality. Tears were welling in my eyes and I didn't stop them. That is what I came here for. I find a place to be alone every once in a while, and let out all the stuff I bury every day.

I crumple to the ground and dig my heels in to the grass.

I fight the way I do because I don't care if I die. I died a long time ago. As much as I may want to die I could never do it myself. I could never do that to my father. I could never disappoint him like that.

So, I fight. I am a hero to people who will never know my real name and some that don't know I even exist. I have no one left and nothing but my car and a few trinkets. So, until I die, I'm going down swinging. Completely alone, no matter how hard the boys try or Sam hopes.

I can hear the shaky sob that escapes me as I bury my face in my arms and pull my knees to my chest. I can feel the walls cracking when suddenly footsteps snap me to action.

I draw my cannon that I always have tucked in to the back of my jeans and aim with fire in my eyes. Dean holds his hands up in surrender. Son of a BITCH! This kid just won't leave me alone. I holster my weapon and turn my back to him.

"Fuck off, kid.” My words are filled with venom. I can hear him take a step closer and I clench my fist.

"I just wanted to make sure you are ok. You usually don't turn down free booze."

"Well you found me and I'm fine. Now FUCK OFF!" This is why I hate being stuck with people. He takes a step closer and puts a hand on my shoulder making me tense even more.

"No. You're not. Whether you like it or not, me and you are the same. I can tell when you are running off to break. You have been with us for over a year and I can't let you do this alone anymore." I'm Fucking seething. If he knows then why is he intruding? Why does he even care? "I know about what happened to your dad."

I can't take it anymore. Before he can do anything, I wind up and let loose a killer punch that hits him square in the jaw.

"You know Fucking NOTHING about me! You have no right to speak of my father! I swear to Fucking god, Dean. I will shoot you if you don't leave!" My rage has boiled over in to tears and it only fuels my anger. He takes a step toward me with a hand still holding his jaw. I step back and draw on him.

He stops for a second and his brow furrows. He moves toward me and I take another step back. Before I can tell him off he moves in and kissed me. Full on, hands on my face kisses me.

My anger melts away and all I'm left with is my confusion and sadness. I let my hand fall to my side and he slowly released my lips.

"Kate, please. You don't have to do this alone." I laugh. I holster my weapon and wipe away my tears.

"Yes I do Dean. We are all to alike and I know you do this too. You don't even let Sam know." I turn away from him and walk down to the edge of the lake. I pick up a rock and whip it across the water. I can hear Dean approach and sigh.

"I should though. This sucks. It always has, but I do have Sammy. I have someone if I need them. You don't. You won't let anyone be there for you..." He paused and takes my hand. "We looked you up. Before you joined us. I know about your Sam and I know you haven't seen her in years."

My sigh is shaky and I feel my emotions getting the better of me.

"Dean. What you found on Google and a long forgotten Facebook page could never tell you who I am. I won't tell you either. There are just some things you have to do alone." I squeeze his hand and offer him a half smile. Maybe I am too hard on him.

As I walk back up the hill I hear Dean grumble and kick rocks in to the lake with a symphony of plunks.

Sheila roars to life and I pass Baby parked on the side of the road as I pull out. I decide a few days away from the bunker would be best. I drive aimlessly all night. When the sun blinds me, I decide to call it a night. day? Whatever. I find a cheap motel to catch a few hours of sleep.

I startle awake from the nightmares at around 2. I groan and decide I should look for a case to clear my head. I lay in bed and unlock my phone. I am surprised to find no whiney messages from Dean about coming home. I start browsing the usual sites then move on to some more obscure local news ones. Eventually I stumble across something that looks promising.

A body in a field surrounded by mutilated cattle. Could be a wolf or demon signs. Either way it's a decent lead and something to do. The town is about a day’s drive away and I decide to try and drive straight through.

After I check out and fuel up I'm off. I turn the radio up and decide to ignore the pings my phone is making. Seems Sam has figured out I never came home. It's about 4 am when I actually look. most of them are Dean trying to make sure I'm alright. I don't know why he cares so much. The last one is from Sam.

"Are you good?" It's weird that he knows what will get me to reply. Not to prying but enough to show he cares.

"Busy. I'll be back in a few days." I hit send and focus back on the drive. Only about 10 hours left. I decide to truck it out for 5 more than catch a nap at a rest stop. The back seat was more comfortable than most beds I sleep in anyway.

I wake up around noon as a semi blared his horn on the way by. I shake it off and finish the last leg of the trip.

I get there around 5:30. It's a little late to start asking questions so I decide to rest up. I pick up a burger from a random diner near my motel and turn in after dinner.

The next morning, I suit up in my FBI suit. I opt for the pencil skirt and black pumps. You would be surprised how willing men are to talk to a babe FBI agent. Well, it's not that surprising.

The coroner report confirms it. Definitely a wolf. Heart's missing on all accounts. It could be a new wolf who couldn't stop but it could also be a pack. It's kind of risky. I decide to explore the woods near the farm where the attack happened. If I'm lucky it's a new wolf and he is still figuring things out.

Once night falls I head out. Jeans, a tank top, and my jacket. Godda be able to move. I head in to the woods moving as silently as I can. This is the last night of the full moon so I needed to find him now. I wonder for about 2 hours before I stumble across a cabin. lights on inside. Great. creepy cabin in the woods. That is never a good sign. I back off a bit to get a better feel of the place.

Then I hear footsteps. Well more like paws padding across dry leaves. I take cover and watch him walk by with teeth bared. He smells me. It's now or never. I aim and take the shot. He's hit. I hear him howl in agony. I move in. He is hit in the hip and the silver is burning in his flesh.

"Pack or solo?" I ask sternly with my pistol aimed at his chest. He snarls and I put another round in his shoulder. I ask again more angrily but I know the answer before he even looks up. I can hear them coming. Fuck. It's a pack. He smiles up at me and laughs. I put a round in his heart and run.

This is bad. I can't out run them. It sounds like too many to fight on my own. Fuck! I can feel the branches catching on me and one cuts my cheek. God this is not my day. They are gaining. I blind fire a few rounds behind me and it sounds like I hit 2 trees and one wolf. I don't know how much longer I can hold this pace I need to find a defensible position.

I break through the tree line and I'm on a dirt road. Fuuuuccckkkk. I can see light in the distance. Maybe they won't attack if they see more people. If anything, I'll die protecting whoever is in that car. I use the last ounces of my stamina to Sprint toward the head lights.

No Fucking way! How did they even find me!? It's the impala. I know those body lines anywhere. I never thought I would actually be happy to--


	2. Chapter 2

When I come to all I can feel is the road rash on my thigh and the gash in my head throbbing. I wince and try to sit up.

"What? Where the Fuck am I?" I ask angrily to no one in particular. I open my eyes and I'm in the back seat of the impala. I let out a groan and flop back down which only aggravated my injuries more.

"Nice job almost dying out there." I cannot handle snide "I told you so" Dean right now.

"Saaaammm tell your brother to shut up. My head is killing me..."

"Sorry sweetheart. Sammy is driving Sheila. you're stuck with me." His voice is particularly grating right now. I sit back up and lean over the front seat resting my chin on my arms.

"What happened?"

"You were a dumb ass and tried to take on a pack alone."

"Yea, yea. Thanks, mom. I meant did you get them?"

"Yea. It wasn't an easy fight but you wounded the alpha. We cleared the cabin too. Why didn't you call us?"

"I didn't have time. This was the last night of the full moon. I didn't think you would make it." I lie. Not like it matters. I crawl over the seat and plop down in the passenger seat. I flip down the mirror to get a look at my face. I'll probably need stitches. It's a good size gash on my temple. The road rash looks worse than it is. Once I clean it up and wrap it I should be ok.

"You need stitches."

"I know. I've got my kit in Sheila."

"Are you ok?" I give him a weird look. I can't get used to this whole concern thing.

"I'm fine, Dean. You don't need to worry about me." He laughs and I glare at him.

"Obviously, I do since you are going on suicide missions."

"I didn't think it would be a pack. Fuck you."

"You wish."

"Dick."

As we pull in to the motel parking lot Sam pulls up alongside us.

"I'm going to get us some dinner. I'll grab some refills for your first aid kit too. Yours is pretty empty. You can use ours." I give him a small smile.

"Thanks Sam. Be good to Sheila, alright?" He smiles back at me and Dean already had that pissy look on his face.

"Always." He pulls out and Dean parks the impala. I head over to my room and Dean grabs the first aid kit out of the trunk.

He follows me inside and takes my hand stopping my b-line for the bathroom.

"Hey. let me patch you up."

"It's ok Dean. I can do it myself." I try and tug my hand away but he pulls me back to him. He has that stubborn look.

"Just let me do it." I let out an exasperated sigh and give him my "really?" Face. "Kate. You got torn up good. Now. Sit. The. Fuck. Down." There is no stopping this without a fist fight and I am really not up to that right now.

"Fine, mother." I reluctantly sit on the bed as he cracks open the first aid kit. He cleans the head wound first and it stings like a Bitch. Surprisingly enough he is pretty good with a needle and stitches me up pretty quick. He moves down to my thigh. He sits beside me and gently pulls my leg up on to his, I wince at the movement. It's clotted and full of dirt. I can see at least one rock in my flesh.

"This is gonna hurt." Duh. I resist the urge to punch him. He slips his fingers, as gently as he can, under the edge of the now gaping hole in my jeans. He pulls it up and away from my skin and I bite my lip. He slides his knife up my leg cutting my pants. He does the same to the bottom. "If you didn't wear such fitted jeans I wouldn't have to cut them off."

"Then who's ass would you stare at? Sam's?" I chuckle and he plucks a rock from the wound successfully silencing my laughter. "Fine! Next time I plan on getting road rash I'll wear baggy jeans. " I roll my eyes and he smiles. After watching him be so gentle with me it makes me wonder. "Hey, Dean?" My tone is softer and it catches his attention.

"Yea?" He runs a gauze pad soaked in peroxide gently over my leg.

"Why did you kiss me?" It's an honest question. 

"So you wouldn't shoot me." He looks up at me with a smile. I guess I deserved that. He hits a tender spot and I wince grabbing his shoulder.

"ugh... I wouldn't have actually shot you. Maybe pistol whipped. But I wouldn't have fired."

"Good to know that you're all bark and no bite." He chuckles and again I resist the urge to punch him.

"I will literally bite you. Don't tempt me." He's finished cleaning the wound and bandages me up. When I go to pull my leg away he holds it there.

"I kissed you because I wanted to. If you were going to shoot me I wasn't about to die without doing it." It takes me a second to process that. I give him a genuinely confused look. His hands are on my face again. Before I can react, his lips are on mine. This time it's softer. Tender even. I actually kiss him back this time. When we part, he kisses me on the cheek. I'm totally lost now.

"... Why?" Before he gets to answer we hear Sheila pull in. He gently let's down my leg and caresses my face before heading out to help Sam.

I shoot up panting. The nightmares again. Damn this is annoying. I take a deep breath and before I even catch my breath there is a knock on the door. I barely stop myself from firing at it. I get up sleepily and walk to the door. 

Oh, god. It's commander concern. I open the door and look up at him. It occurs to me that I must look like hell.

"Hey. You ok? I thought I heard something." Of course, you did. BECAUSE YOU GOT THE ROOM NEXT TO ME! I know he won't go away so I relent and let him in. He walks by me brushing my shoulder as he passes. Is he really trying to play the signals game with me?

"I'm ok Dean. I feel like a broken record. that's all I seem to say lately." I close the door and lean against it with my arms crossed.

" well if you didn't get hurt or run away or dive head first in to a fight you can't win maybe I wouldn't have to ask so much." He sits on my bed and gives me his pretty boy smolder. What a dork. I walk over and sit beside him.

" really? Not gonna let that go, are you?"

"Hey, I take dirt where I can get it." I don't fight the urge this time and punch him in the shoulder. He puts his hand on my cheek. Really? I punched you and your reaction is to get cuddly? I don't understand this kid at all.

"You... I don't get you. Like at all." He smirks and I almost hit him again. "But seriously, why do you care? You don't know me from a hole in the wall. Why am I suddenly so important to you?" I can feel my frustration rising.

"Does it really matter why? The fact is I do." I growl and push him away. I stand and take a few steps across the room. What the Fuck.

"Why is all that matters! Uggghhhh I'm going to slap the shit out of you!" 

"I tell you I care about you and your reaction is to slap me?"

"YES! I don't do feelings and emotions and shit. It's not something I've had to deal with in a long Fucking time ok?!"

He stands and I know he's going to do it again. I turn away from him. I don't have time for this nonsense.

"And you think I have? Kate, it took me months to work up to this...whatever to actually put a move on you. Even then it wasn't until you pulled a Fucking gun on me! You think it's easy for me?" He's on his feet and moving toward me. He pins me to the door.

"Dean, you know I could have you on your ass in a second. back off."

"I have kissed you twice. I'm going to kiss you in a second. I know you can fight. better than most hunters. Why haven't you stopped me if you don't want this?" I don't have an answer. It's not like Dean isn't hot. I have no reason not to want this. But it's a tether. A weakness. A-- his lips are on mine again. Damn he is good at this. I wrap my hand in his shirt and pull him closer. He feels good. Right. What the Fuck?

"Dean..." I turn my head quickly and break the kiss. He pulls me in to his arms and I'm pressed flush against his chest. Why? I can't. I don't... I don't know how to do this.

"Kate...please don't fight me."

"I only know how to fight. It's all I can do right." I bury my face in his shirt. This is weird. What do I do?

"That's why I worry about you so Damn much. You big dork." Pfft. He's the dork.

"Shut up. If anyone is a dork, it's you." I look up at him and hit him with my pouty look. he smiles. "Ok. Ok. Enough of this mushy shit. Go to bed. We are heading out in a few hours."

"What? I can't stay here?" Bam. puppy eyes.

"Oh no you don't! I want to sleep not get poked all night! now shoo!" He whines as I pull away from him.

"Fine... Can I have a goodnight kiss?" Damn that smile. Uggghhhh.

"You haven't taken enough of them yet?" 

"Never!" And the goofy grin is enough to break me. I roll my eyes and grab his face. I kiss him hard and we are both smiling through it.

"Now go!" He walks out with a face splitting grin and I close the door behind him.

What the Fuck have I done?

The next morning, we head out early. As I pack my gear in to Sheila I can feel Dean walking up behind me. 

"Can I hitch a ride?" His pretty boy smile is starting to grow on me.

"No! You are the worst backseat driver."

"You could always let me drive."

"Haha! No."

"Aww! Come on! You let Sam drive her!"

"He's not as crazy as you." He gives me a look and I give him a wink. His grumpy face fades and he sulks off to the impala. 

We drive for most of the day. I kind of enjoy the little pings my phone makes. Silly jokes and innuendo like no other. Why is he suddenly so endearing? oh kill me.

We find a cheap motel like always. 2 rooms. I'm still not sure what's going on with "us" and I don't think I'm about to dive headfirst in to shared spaces.

After a few hours and waiting till Dean stopped texting me I decide now is as good a time as any. Sorry Dean. I need some time to figure this out.

I put Sheila it to neutral and with some doing and some seriously pissed off road rash I manage to push her to the edge of the road in relative silence. I hop in the driver seat and let her roll on to the deserted street.

As Sheila roars to life I floor it. I know they heard that. My suspicion is confirmed when my phone springs to life. I pull it out of my pocket and turn it off. I need to get a hold of myself. That and I think a trip to see my Sam is overdue. Sure, I could have told him, but where's the fun in that? I floor it and grin as gravel flies behind me.

It took about 13 hours but I spent it rocking out and belting out my favorite songs. Time well spent and, Damn was I in a good mood.

It's around 9 when I roll up in front of Sam's house. The light from the TV fills the living room. The rest of the house seems dark. I finally turn my phone back on, debating if I should text her or not. I see the kitchen light flip on but my phone won't stop buzzing. It erupts in notifications. missed calls, voice mails, and texts. Woo, he is not happy. I will look at them later.

When I look back up at the house I see the front door swing open and a heavily pregnant Sam waddling towards me. Well, Fuck. Guess I don't have to text her.

I step out of the car and just as I turn around Sam plows in to me almost knocking me over with her baby bump. She hugs me tight and I pull her in closer. When she finally released me, she sniffled and I see the death look on her face. I brace for it and her fist collided with my chest. I'd hit her back but she might fall over.

"That hurts ya know." I smirk and she laughs.

"You bitch! Where the Fuck have you been?! 2 years! What the Fuck!"

"I know. I'm sorry. Won't happen again. But Damn watch where you swing that thing!" She hits me again but softer this time. 

"I'll use it to beat you down! Now come on! Come inside!" She grabs my arm and practically drags me up the stairs.

Her husband is sitting on the couch inside. He nods to me and I snatch a beer from the table nodding back. We were never friends per say but we were civil for Sam's sake. I plop down on the love seat and Sam cuddles up right beside me. I put my arm around her. Damn I love this girl.

"So you are staying, right?" she hits me with the puppy dog eyes. Guess I am now. 

"I could get a hotel. I don't want to impose." She straight up smacks me upside the head.

"It wasn't really a question." She grins at me and I laugh and hold the back of my head. My hair is brushed over my stitches so I hope she didn't see.

"Yes ma'am!"

We chat for a bit longer then I send her up to bed when she starts to fall asleep on me. She insists on making up the couch for me. Once I'm alone I grab a few more beers from the fridge and pace the living room. 1 down. I crack open the next and sit down.

The walls are covered in photographs. Her family. The kids. One catches me off guard. I drink the rest of that beer. 2 down.

I get up and crack the third as I walk up to it. It's us. Back when we were kids. Me, her, and our old friend Vinny. It was taken at my old house. A place we all loved. Memories wash over me and I turn away. 3 down.

I slump down on the couch and crack the 4th. It takes all I have to hold it together. I take a shaky breath. 4 down.

I dump the bottles and lay back on the couch. I can't deal with this right now. 

"Auntie Kate!" A Screechy little voice calls to me and I'm pulled out of my slumber as he pounces on me. I sit up quickly and scoop him up in my arms. He giggles as I spin him around and sit him on my hip. Sam is in the kitchen cooking breakfast, her husband already gone for work. I let the little man down and he scrambles to her side.

As comical as it is to watch her try and cook with that giant belly I take pity on her and take over. She wrangled the children around the table. She tosses different things in to the pan as she passes. She was always the chef so I follow her lead.

The kids scarf their breakfast and Sam puts them on the bus not long after. We sit down inside and chit chat over our food.

"What do you wanna do?" I ask as she relishes in her alone time.

"Let's go for a walk. There is a beautiful cemetery nearby." I smile at her. just like old times. We spent so much time in the cemetery when we were kids. We loved it there. It was quiet and we could be free. We appreciated the beauty of it all.

"Perfect, love." She hooks her arm in mine and we head out. It's not a long walk but she is a bit worn out so we sit on a stone bench by the children graves. There are beautiful flowers all around and little toys on the graves.

"So another baby hu?"

"Yea. It's a girl, finally. I love my boys but I'm so excited for a girl." She always wanted a girl. We both did. Once upon a time. We always said we would raise our children together. One big happy family. It didn't quite work out that way.

"That's great, love. I'm really happy for you." I squeeze her hand and give her a sad smile. She knows why.

"We are going to name her Kate." My eyes bug and I almost laugh.

"Well, haha. You don't have to do that." She smiled and wrapped her arms around me.

"I want to. You know I'll always love you. You are my best friend soul mate." She grins. I hug her and tuck her head under my chin so she can't see the sad look on my face. She knows me better than that and hugs me tight because she knows.

"Sooooo! How goes the man hunt? my little girl is gonna need a sister to play with! She's out numbered!" She laughs and prods at me until I laugh.

" You know me. I never stay anywhere long enough to really get to know anyone." She elbows me.

"God, girl. Get your hunt on! You’re an ultra-babe now! You could get anyone you want."

"You know, I'm not sure I actually want anyone. It's been a long time Sam." 

"Don't bull shit me. You always dreamed of happily ever after."

"Not so much anymore."

"Oh please. You never let it go."

"Anyways" I glare at her. "I've been based in Kansas for a while now."

"Oh really? Anything fun there? Anyone...?"

"I have 2 goofy roommates. We live in a nice place. lots of books. Defensible." She gives me an odd look. Hey, I could have included the dungeon.

" roommates? "

"Yea. Sam and Dean. They're brothers. " 

"You have a new Sam!?"

"Pfft! I could never replace you! He's Dean's Sam."

"So are they hot?"

"Really?"

"That's a yes."

"Shut up."

"Scale me. 5ish?"

"Seriously?"

"YASSSSSS"

"ugh... Sam is a 9. tall. Great hair."

"and the other one?"

"He's..."going to be so pissed at me. Fuck. maybe I should have told him. I'll text him when we get back. "Gorgeous..." I sigh and hang my head. She stared at me with her jaw on the floor.

"ARE YOU AT LEAST BANGING ONE!? Fuck! You live with 2 smoking dudes and you "don't want anyone"? Are you crazy? What have they done to you?" I can't help but laugh. 

"They are my friends. It's kind of a working relationship."

"Riiiggghhhtttt." She winks and nudges me.

"Oh god! Enough. Move it, waddles!" She laughs as I pull her up to her feet. We spend about an hour tooling around before we decide to head back. 

As we turn on to Sam's street I stop dead in my tracks. The blood drains from my face and Sam is concerned. 

"Fuck me running..."

"What's wrong?!"

Dean is leaning on Sheila watching us approach while other Sam is standing in the driveway talking with Sam's husband.

"I'm fucked. Well if you're curious about the smoking roommates your about to watch them kill me. or at least Dean."

"Oh really?" She raised an eyebrow as we slowly approach.

"Um... Sam, meet...other Sam." She takes my que and walks over to talk with Sam but keeps a watchful eye on me.

I carefully approach Dean who has a fairly pissed off look.

"Ok. Before you freak out, I was just going--" he did it again. He pins me to the car and kisses me. I flail a bit as both Sam's stare. I try to protest but it's all muffled.  
When he finally released me, I punch him in the shoulder.

"What the Fuck?! Why are you here? Ugh never mind. You go explain this shit to Sam I need to do damage control." I'm more pissed than anything. I grab Sam and drag her inside with her husband following. 

"Ok. Sooo... I didn't exactly tell them I left."

"Really? I would have never guessed. And when you said he was going to kill you, did you mean molest?"

"It's complicated. Anyway. I love you. I promise I will visit soon! Here this is the address to the bunker-- house. We can be stupid pen pals like when we were kids. I love you and I'll see you soon!" I hug her and she smiles. She knows me. all too well. I grab my stuff and run back outside.

"Why did you come here?" I'm angry. Seething. "You know what? No. Leave. We are leaving now. I put so much in to keeping her safe I can't have you here. You are poison. worse than I could ever be and I thought that was impossible. " my anger falters when I see the look on Dean's face.

"Fuck. I care about you guys but she is the last thread of my old life and I can't bring this life. Our life to her. Just please. We need to leave. Now." They are silent and Dean moves to get in to the impala. I grab his jacket. "Wait... I'm sorry." He looks back at me and he looks sadder than angry. I pull him in and wrap my arms around him. He pauses before wrapping me in his arms. "Will you ride with me?"

"But I'm "the worst back seat driver", remember?"

"I’ll let you drive..." He gives me a look like he's asking me if I'm joking. "I can't run away if you're driving, now can I?" He smirks. I try not to hesitate when I hand him the keys. We all jump in our perspective places and head out. We aren't terribly far from the bunker but tonight will be another night in a motel.

"How did you find me?" I ask from my curled-up position on the unfamiliar passenger side. He looks over at me and smirks.

"If you didn't want to be found you should have left your phone in baby."

"God, you are a stalker." He chuckles and I reach across with my leg and kick him. He snatches my foot and locks my leg across his lap.

"I'm just gonna keep this." I squirm but I don't put up much of a fight.

"Fine. I guess I'll just get comfortable then." I stretch out across the seat so both of my legs are over his lap and I stretch out long. He catches on to my game and runs his hand over my un-injured thigh. Well shit.

"How is your leg feeling? Your head looks like it's healing." there's that concern again. I sigh and he reminds me that I really need to change the bandage on it.

"It's ok. I'll have to re wrap it when we get to the motel."

"I’ll call Sammy and see how long he wants to keep going before we crash." Sam is tired and he is ready to call it a night. We pull in to the next motel we see. We get our rooms and settle in.

When I pull off my jeans I wince as the material pushes against the bandage. I pull the gauze slowly. The blood is clotted to it and it hurts like a bitch. I hiss as it finally comes off. It's healing well. I just need to put some antiseptic on it and change the bandage more often. I reach for my bag and after digging a bit I sigh and hang my head. Sam still has my first aid kit.

I text him and ask him to bring it over. He responds quickly and I wait for the knock to come. It only takes about 2 minutes. When I go to answer the door, I stand behind it and poke my head out.

"Thanks Sam-- Dean?" He grins and holds up the first aid kit.

"Yup. Now let the doctor in, sweetheart." I brace the door and hold it where it is.

"Just give me the Damn kit. I can't put pants on until I put the bandage back on." He smirks and leans against the door.

"Even better!"

"Seriously?"

"I'm not going to jump you. Just let me help."

"Help? Or, in Sam's words, "did you mean molest"?" 

"She said that?" He chuckles and steps back from the door. "Just let me in. I won't make a move. I promise." He gives me the puppy eyes and a pretty boy smile. I'm going to regret this. I open the door pulling my shirt down in a vain attempt to cover myself.

"You promised." I say sternly as he looks me up and down.

"I... Um. Right. Sit down so I can get you patched up." He follows me to the bed and sits beside me. He pulls my leg up on to his like before only this time my face is on fire and I'm a lot more nervous. I have my shirt pinned down in front of me. I'm not used to being this exposed. 

He cleans the wound quickly then puts the antiseptic on. He can feel how tense I am.

"Hey, I promised. You don't have to be so nervous." I look away from him and tighten my grip on the hem of my shirt. "Kate? Look at me." I turn to him and he can see how uncomfortable I am. " Why are you acting like this? Do you really think I would take advantage of you? Hurt you?"

"No... I'm just... Not comfortable with being... So exposed."

"You are gorgeous. Like wow gorgeous. How are you not comfortable in your own skin?"

"I wasn't always like this. Dean, please. Just finish." He sighs and finishes putting on the bandage. He lets my leg down and hands me the jeans by the bed. He turns his back and I pull them on quickly with a hiss. 

I put a hand on his shoulder after I gather myself. He turns to me and gives me a frustrated look.

"You don't trust me, do you?" I can't find the words to explain. I don't want to let him know. He is to close as it is. Finally, I decide on a course of action. I hug him. Bury my face in his chest and hug him. He's tense for a second and I know he's angry.

"Damnit." He mutters under his breath and wraps me in his arms. He can't know so much about me. It will only be worse. He will think I'm weak and I can't have that. He kisses the top of my head. "You are a real mess, kid." He sighs heavy and releases me. He's not wrong. " come on. Let's get some food." He takes my hand and leads me out.

That night I can't sleep. I feel bad. I don't know what to do with Dean. I head outside my room and lean on the back of the impala. I look up at the stars and take a deep breath. This is all getting way to heavy.

"Can't sleep?" I jump and whip around.

"Sam? Shit. You scared me."

"Sorry. Didn't mean to."

"Ah it's ok. You can't sleep either?"

" nope. You ok?"  
Sex  
" hell man. I don't even know." I take a deep breath and shake my head. "So what has he told you?" I give him a look and he sighs. He leans against baby beside me.

"That he has no idea how to handle you. Mr. ladies’ man Dean absolutely bewildered by a woman. It's pretty funny to watch actually." I laugh. I'm sure it is.

"He's not the only one of us in the dark here. I don't know how to handle him either, and I can con a man out of his own shoes. This is a weird new territory for both of us."

"He really does care for you. He’s having trouble with it. It's been a long time and he can't tell what to do. With anything."

" Sounds fun to watch." He raised a brow and I smile. "I've been around for over a year. Have you known me to really ever be anything besides vague, sarcastic, and bitchy?"

"True. But you are both that way."

"Mostly the bitchy part." We both chuckle at that.

"AHEM! Am I intruding?" We both look back and Dean is standing by the front end.

"Well... Good luck with that one." Sam pats me on the shoulder and quickly retreats to their room. Traitor.

Dean strolls up and takes Sam's place beside me. He's quiet for too long.

"So. Are we like the official can't sleep club now?" He gives me a side long glance but says nothing. "Awesome. If it's awkward silence, then I'll go not sleep in my room."

"Hey." He grabs my arm as I try to leave.

"What?" I roll my eyes and don't bother to look back.

"Don't be like that."

"Like what Dean? Vulnerable in front of a man for the first time in years? Trust some ass to tend to my wounds? Let you come closer than anyone besides Sam has been in longer than I can remember? LIKE FUCKING WHAT DEAN?!" I rip my arm away and storm up to my door. He catches up and pushes me up against the wall. I grab his wrist and twist it up behind him. He grunts and reversed the move but I pull out of it before he can pin me. I rip open the door but before I can slam it he shoulders his way in. I kick him in the gut and he stumbles back against the wall. He comes at me again and I throw a right hook at him. He blocks it. I try to sweep him but he tackled me to the bed.

I try and wedge my knee between us but he straddles me pinning my hips. He wrestled with me until he has my arms pinned.

"Why? Why do you fight me like this?"

"I Fucking told you! All I know is to fight Dean! It's not my fault you are suddenly infatuated with me." I manage to get a good buck in and roll us over. I've got him pinned now.

" So you feel nothing? When I kiss you it means nothing?" I'm angry. But I don't have an answer for that one. 

"I never said that." My words lose some of the anger and he feels it. He managed to flip us back so he's on top again.

"Is all that shit you said true? Being vulnerable and letting me close?" His words lose their edge too. I glare up at him but don't answer. "I've told you I care about you, but you haven't given me anything. If you want me to stop, I will. I will stop and we can go back to normal. All this never happened. If you don't want this... If you don't want me... That's fine. But I can't do this in the dark shit." My fight is gone. I really hurt him. I never wanted that.

He lets my hands go and I can't stop them. I grab his face and kiss him as hard as I can. Like it's all I can do. It kind of is. When I break the kiss I'm shaking.

"I do care, Dean. But I'm terrified."

"Like I'm not? It's bad enough I lose my mind over protecting Sammy but now I can't stop worrying about you. Having someone else to be terrified of losing..."

"Dean... I am not a fragile girl. You don't have to worry for me."

"But I will."

"I know... This isn't going to happen overnight. I can't change how I am so easily. Are you sure you want to deal with all this baggage?"

"Only if you are willing to deal with mine."

I wrap my arms around him. I can't deny it feels nice to have him so close.

"Dean... Kiss me..." He smirks and happily agrees. His kiss is gentle and the way his hands move in to my hair is comforting. My adrenaline has worn off and the ache from the fight sets in. My thigh is throbbing and I want to ignore it.

I run my fingers through his short hair as I deepen our kiss. I nip at his lip and he lets out a small moan. He shifts a bit and hits my thigh dead on and I pull away grabbing on to his shoulders.

"Aw Fuck, I forgot. I'm sorry."

"It's ok. I'm ok." He's blushing and he moves over so he's sitting beside me and not on top anymore.

" maybe I should just go... We can talk--" I wrap my arms around his neck and pull him closer."

"No. Just... Stay."

"I don't want to hurt you."

"I don't want you to go." He nods, a little concerned. I stand up from the bed and he watches me move. I take a deep breath and steady myself. I shimmy out of my jeans. I stand there for a second and try to hold my courage. Another deep breath. It's one thing to be kind of naked in front of some rando I will never see again but being in my underwear in front of Dean... Someone I know and care for. It's unnerving. I pull my shirt over my head. I'm standing there in front of Dean in a tank top and boy short panties. It takes me a few seconds to muster the courage to turn around.

When I do, Dean is Sitting on the edge of the bed behind me. I can't stop myself from stretching my top down over me. He stands and puts his hand gently on my cheek. I look up at him with a nervous smile. He kisses me. It's soft and sweet. He leans in close and whispers to me.

"You are beautiful." I press close to him. In some way, it makes me feel safe. He wraps me in his arms and I kiss his chest. He kisses my forehead and takes a step back. He shrugs off his flannel and pulls his shirt up over his head. He unbuckled his belt and pushed his jeans off. He looks at me with a nervous smile. He is standing there in his boxers worried about if I want him.

"Let's go to bed Dean." I offer my hand and he takes it. I climb in to the bed and slip under the covers pulling him along behind me. He crawls under the blankets and I immediately curl up to him. He closes me in his arms. 

I haven't actually slept in a bed with someone in so long. I plant a small kiss on his chest and he squeezed me tight. I guess I'm stuck in this now.

The next morning, I wake up in a tangled mess of limbs with Dean. My nose is buried in his shoulder. I'm warm and his skin is soft. One of my arms is wrapped around him and I can feel the muscles of his back as I run my fingers slowly over his skin. He makes a cute little whine and snuggles in to me burying his face in my hair. It's cute. Dean being so adorable and cuddling up to me? I never saw that coming. He makes another cute noise and hugs me tight.

"Mmm. good morning, beautiful." I feel him smile in to my neck and then trail kisses up to my lips. I giggle. Oh, god I really giggled. 

"Morning" I kiss him again and smile. This is so sappy, oh god.

"I could get used to this. You are really comfy, and warm."

"Thanks? I guess?" He kisses up my neck again and I laugh. A loud knock comes and we freeze.

"Kate? Have you seen Dean? Kate?" We lock eyes and both panic. He rolls off the bed and on to the floor. I wrap the sheet around me and stumble to the door. 

"Sam? Hey um." I crack the door open and pull the sheet tighter around me. "Yea. He came by and said he was going to get breakfast."

"Oh. Ok. Well then." He looks me over and a smug smile crosses his face. "Hey Dean, get me something that's not soaked in grease." I hang my head and laugh.

"Right. Rabbit food. Got it Sammy!" I hear him from behind me and just smile. Damn these boys.

"Thanks Sam. We will be out in a bit." I give him a warm smile and he laughs. I close the door and turn to Dean who is still on the floor but sitting up and looking at me over the bed.

"Smooth."

"Oh look who's talking.” I smile at him. When did I start to trust him? "Ok. Out you. I need to shower."

"Aww come on! You don't want to shower together?" He waggles his eyebrows at me and I almost fall over laughing.

"Um. No. Get out, dear. You need to go out and get breakfast anyway." He pouts at me. I walk over to him and he stands up off the floor.

"Damn. No love." I smirk at him and pull him in to a kiss. He pulls me in and wraps me in his arms. I feel one of his hands move down my back and he doesn't stop there. He grabs a whole handful of my ass. I break the kiss and slap him on the chest.

" easy tiger. Now get." He has that face splitting grin again. I head in to the bathroom and leave him to get dressed.


	3. Chapter 3

We all meet up and eat breakfast before heading out. To Dean's dismay I insist on driving solo today. He even offers up Sam as a passenger. I promise not run off and he unhappily agrees. the bunker is only 4 hours away so it doesn't take long.

We are about 4 miles from the bunker and I decide to have a little fun. I pull up beside Dean and hold speed as I give him a wicked grin. He raised a brow at me. I floor it. Gravel flies and I laugh as he disappears behind me. I hear the impala roar and I think he figured out this is a race.

He catches up about a half mile from the bunker and we are neck and neck. It ends in a draw when we both slam on the brakes just before the garage.

"What the hell!"

"I wanted to race. what?" I give him my most innocent smile. He shakes his head and for once makes me pull in to the garage first. 

It's been a pretty eventful week so we decide to relax a little. Well, I do. Sam is always looking for cases. Dean went to work on baby making sure she was good. even offered to look over Sheila. I pass, but he means well. I did what I usually do when I get back from a long trip. Shooting range. Blow a few clips and put a heart in a target. Drawing things with bullet holes was always fun.

I head upstairs and grab a six pack of those girly Smirnoff things I like to drink every now and then. I'm about half way through it and I've been playing Mass Effect to the point where I'm just about in love with Garrus again when I hear a knock on my door. 

"Wot!? " I mumble through a mouth full of popcorn. Dean pokes his head in. "Oh. Hey!" I brush the crumbs off my shirt.

"What are you up to?" He gives me his cute smirk. I'm suddenly aware of how short my shorts are and how low my tank top dips.

"Just playing some drunken Xbox." I take another sip and look up at him as he sinks down on the floor beside me.

"Sounds like fun. What's the game?" And that was his fatal mistake. Now he is stuck listening to me babble about the story and my love affair with a turian for the next half hour. He takes one of my drinks and just listens.

"Hold on. So, you're banging the spikey alien dude?" I can't help but laugh. He has an arm slung around my shoulders and I'm almost out of drinks.

"His name is Garrus! He's a turian! And he's a way better shot than you."

"No way! I can out shoot anyone!"

"Ohhh I detect jealousy. Are you upset he got in my pants before you?” 

"Pfft... He's only in your video game chick’s pants."

"And he's my phone background. It's a serious relationship."

"Oh hell no." He takes the controller and unloads a whole clip in to him and Garrus didn't flinch. I just laugh. 

"The game doesn't work like that."

"Son of a bitch." I kiss him on the cheek and his pout fades a little.

"Wanna grab some more drinks? We can get drunk and I'll teach you how to play."

"Are you inviting me to a sleepover?"

"I... guess?" I shoot him an odd look. He just smiles.

"So pillow fights and practice kissing?" I laugh and toss a pillow at him. He just grins and heads out the door. 

I decide to move up to the bed. I sit cross legged at the foot of the bed, Popcorn still by my side. I crack open my last drink and take a few sips while I save my game and switch to ME1 so Dean can make a new character.

Dean steps back in with his pillow and a bottle of whiskey. He closes the door with his foot and sits on the bed beside me. 

"No glasses? We going hard then?" He smiled and put his arm around me.

"We haven't drunk together in a while. And the last time I tried you called me a dork then almost shot me."

"But I didn't."

"No. You just punched me."

"You can take it. Now drink, kid." I empty my drink and toss the bottle aside.

"You know I'm older than you, right?" He takes a swig from the bottle.

"It's about maturity, not actual age." I elbow him and trade the controller for the bottle. "Now create your character. Read the options and choose who you want him to be."

"So I get to pick everything?" I take a swig and wince as I swallow.

"Yea. You can be good or bad or walk the line. I'm usually paragon. But I do some renegade stuff some times. Depends if they deserve it or not." I take another sip.

"That's a lot of choosing... Can I just shoot stuff?"

"Oh god. You are the worst. Fine I'll make the character just like you and then just make whatever decision you think is right. It's not all decisions. there is a lot of shooting stuff too." I hand him the bottle and take the controller.

After about 2 hours, another bottle, taking turns on the game, and yelling at Dean every time he tried to scene skip, we are both pretty hammered.

"Ooh! Renegade! Punch that bitch reporter!" I giggle and hang on dean's shoulder.

"I can do that?! Hell yea!" He pulls the trigger and we both laugh and fall back on the bed. He smiles and looks at me. "You really aren't like most chicks."

"It took you this long to figure that out?"

"Shut up. I'm trying to be nice. I'm trying to say that I'm glad you decided to let me get closer to you." He takes my hand and kisses my fingers.

"You're cute when you're drunk. You say pretty things." I smile at him and lace my fingers with his.

"Come here." He pulls me in and I kiss him. we scoot up on the bed and I grab him by the shirt and pin him beneath me.

I kiss him hard. I run my fingers through his hair and bite his lip gently. He moves his hands over me. I feel him grab my ass and I press myself tighter against him. I leave small love bites down his neck and pull down the collar of his shirt so I can get to more skin.

He moves his hand up my back and in to my hair. He tugs it gently, guiding my lips back to his. He kisses me hard and squeezes my ass. I can't stop the moan that escapes me.

"Dean..." I whisper his name and he rolls us over, my thighs hiked up over his. He's perched between my legs and kissing down my neck. He slides his hand up my shirt. I'm suddenly nervous. I'm never nervous like this. why does he always make me nervous? It's like doing things for the first time again. He feels me tense.

"Are you ok? " he pants out the words. I look up at him a little confused with myself.

"Yea. It's ok. I'm sorry."

"Hey, if you don't want to do this it's ok. Tell me." 

"No. Dean. You just... Feel different. You make me feel different. It's kind of confusing."

"Different good or different bad?” He looks down at me with concern.

"It's weird. It's just new. I think it's...I don't know..." I look away and bite my lip.

"Think it's what? Kate?" He puts a hand on my face and locks eyes with me.

"I need more booze for this shit." I sigh and when my eyes come back to his he is giving me that "Are you ok?" Look. "I just think it's because... I actually care about you..."

"Is that a bad thing? You already know I care about you." He moves in closer.

"It's not bad, per say. It's just... New. Kind of scary, you know?" He trails small kisses up my neck.

"I know. It's ok. Just trust me."

"Dean... Please. You know how good I am with trust."

"Ok, ok. How about a little faith? Just believe me when I tell you that I will never hurt you. That I just want you to be happy. That I want to make you happy."

" I think I can do that... Dean, you really are very romantic when you drink."

"Shut up." He kisses me with a smirk and I wrap my arms around him. He slides his hands underneath me and pulls me up with him so I'm sitting on his lap. I lean my head back as he kisses across my collar bone. I run my hand up the back of his neck and tug on his short hair. He growls and the sound alone makes me writhe against him. He moves a hand up my shirt again and this time I don't tense as much. His fingers creep up my skin and slip under my bra. He grabs me softly and I push forward in to his hand.

I moan in his ear and he grabs a little harder. When he runs his thumb over my nipple I bite my lip and stifle the noise.

"I love that sound" he half moans the words and unclips my bra. He starts to pull up my shirt. I internally panic and take control. I push him back so I'm straddling him. I pull my bra off without taking my top off. His hands are resting on my hips as I pull his shirt up. I run my hands over his skin and lean down kissing my way up his chest. He groans and pulls his shirt off. I leave a trail of small bites down his sternum and I feel him buck his hips up to meet mine. 

I let out a small moan and rake my fingers down his chest. He reaches for my shorts and I'm trying super hard to just focus on how much I want Dean. He slides his hand up my good thigh and in to my shorts. His fingers move over my skin and around to my ass. His fingers are under my panties and he squeezes my bare skin.

"Dean... I need you." He takes the hint and pins me back beneath him. I can't take control the way I need to. I'm going to have to let him be in charge. I'm sure I'll never live it down.

He pulls my shorts off carefully to avoid hitting my thigh. I am a little nervous and he senses it. He kisses my knee and slowly moves up my thigh. He leaves a trail of kisses upwards and pauses just below my pantie line. He looks up at me with a look of complete desire. He skips over my panties and kisses his way up my stomach to the hem of my top.

"Can I take this off?" He asks with his lips still pressed to my skin. My heart is pounding. I should have drank more. I give him a silent nod and sit up as he pulls it off over my head.

He is over me again and his lips are on mine. He's kissing me like it's his only way to breath. I pull him closer. What the hell am I so worried about? It's not like he hasn't seen my scars or like he doesn't want me. Fuck this! I mean me. Er Dean? Whatever! Let's do this.

I reach down for his belt and quickly un do it. I can feel how excited he is. He moves his hands to my chest and he kneads my soft skin. I moan and buck my hips as I wrap my legs around him. He growls in my ear and I tighten my grip on him. I bite his shoulder and dig my nails in to his back. He hisses and rams his hips against mine. 

I push his jeans down exposing his hip bones. I writhe as he slides a hand over my core.

"Ung... Dean. Pants off. Now." I pant out my words.

"OoOo someone is a bossy bottom." He leans in close to my face. "Only if I can rip these panties off you." I moan as he bites my neck.

"Oh god! Yes! Yes! I don't care just Fuck me!" Before I finish the sentence his fingers rip through the lace of my panties. He kicks off his jeans and boxers as I pull him flush with me. I can feel how hard he is. It only makes me want him more.

He kisses me deeply and I feel him start to push inside me. I moan in to the kiss and he works his way deeper. I can feel myself stretching to accommodate his size. Once he sinks in to the hilt I bite his lip gently and tug. 

He pulls my leg up over his hip and starts to move. My moans match his thrusts and I drag my nails over his arms. He leans down and bites my neck, sucking gently. He's going hard and I love it. He tangled a hand in my hair and pulls so my neck is bared. He grunts in to my skin as he starts to hit harder inside. I can feel my legs shaking and I know I'm getting close.

I half scream and half moan his name as I feel myself tighten around him. He does the same seconds after as my walls clamp around him. I feel him finish inside me and, good God, does it feel amazing. 

"Oh Fuck, baby..." He kisses my chest after he collapses on top of me.

"Mmm Dean... That... Was incredible." My words are panted out as I run my fingers through his sweaty hair.

"I couldn't stop. I didn't..." I hush him.

"I have an IUD. We are good." He sighs and moves beside me, taking me in his arms.

"God... You feel incredible." He kisses the top of my head as I curl up to him. Skin on skin feels good. He is so defined and I can feel all his muscles. His hip bones are perfect and lead down in to a glorious v. I can't help but run my fingers over the bone. I smile in to his skin and kiss his chest. 

"I like these." I press on the spot just above his v and I feel him twitch.

"You keep that up and I will round 2 you so hard." I laugh and hug him tight.

"It's bed time. Shut up and snuggle with me." He smiles and kisses me again. He locks me in his arms and we drift to sleep as the Mass Effect music plays quietly in the background.

The next few days seemed to fly by. Dean and I spent a lot of time together. I even let him help me work on Sheila. We spent every night together. 

Now don't get me wrong, I care for him, but this it's all moving kind of fast. I decide to spend the day out and get my head on straight.

"You really don't want me to come?" The puppy eyes are real.

"Dean. You know I adore you but I need some time myself. Go have a bro night with Sam. He probably feels neglected with how much time we have been spending together."

"Ok... Just be careful."

"I'm not going on a hunt Dean. I'm just going to ride around. Maybe go fishing. Relax." I give him a quick kiss but he is still pouting.

“Why are you leaving so stupid early though?”

“I just am. Relax. Go get drunk with your brother. I'll see you tonight. Possibly tomorrow morning." He pulls me in and kisses me softly. When we finally part he is smiling but I can still tell he’s concerned by that last bit.

So, I may not have told the whole truth but I was going to go fishing afterwards. I would have never shaken dean if he knew I was going swimming. I can just hear him now. “Bikini?! I AM SO IN!” haha what a dork. Besides I always wear board shorts anyway. 

I drove out pretty far. I didn’t expect to get back until tomorrow. It was a ten-hour drive to the mountain in Utah. I had hiked up it once when I lived there for a while and I loved it. After a 4-hour hike there was a glorious crystal clear lake at the top. I was pretty out of shape then so I can most likely shave some time off that. 

It was another awesome ride of me rocking out to some awesome country songs. I can only listen to it when I know Dean will never know. I love all kinds of music, and we shared a love of classic rock, but I would never hear the end of it if he found out this one. The ride went by quick and soon I was on my way up the trail. 

It was about 2 when I got there and I could see a few others on the trail. I made pretty good time even with stopping to take in the incredible views. 

It was still warm when I slipped in to the water. It felt glorious and I could see everything. I dove down and got a piece of sun bleached drift wood. I tossed it to shore by my stuff. I had plans for that trinket. I spent the waning hours of daylight basking in the sun and just floating in the water. It was the most relaxed I had been in a long time. 

I didn’t get back down the mountain until around 11. I decided to get some sleep before making the trip back. I text dean and tell him the trip went long and that I was gonna stay in a motel for the night and be back by noon tomorrow. I got a drunken reply that made me smile. I am glad he took my suggestion.

There is a bar near the motel. I know the beer is watered down but I decide to look for a mark to roll. Some extra cash couldn’t hurt. I pull on my tight jeans and a low-cut tank-top. My leather jacket and wedge heel boots complete the look. It helps that I got some nice color today too.

I strut in to the bar and head straight for the bar tender. I order a rum and root beer like always. Before I can even take a sip, I feel an arm sling over my shoulder. It takes all I have to suppress the immediate rage.

“Woah! You must not be from round here. Nobody in these parts looks that good.” I give him a sweet smile as I pluck his arm off me.

“Very astute of you. I am not from “round here”. If you will excuse me, I have anywhere else to be.” He is thoroughly confused and I leave him to ponder my words as the bartender laughs.

I step over to the pool tables and watch a few people play their games. There’s a group of frat boys acting like morons and all by one of them is hammered. Bingo.

After losing 200 bucks and acting like a ditz it’s time for the real play. I up the ante to 500 and they are all about it. I exaggerate my bends as I lean over the table. By the time they notice I only have one ball and the eight left it is too late. I sink my shots and Cha Ching. I am up 500 bucks. 

As I collect my winnings from the rail sober-ish boy grabs my wrist.

“You sharked us! You cheating bitch!” I raise a brow and try to subdue my rage. I wretch my wrist away and smirk.

“Not my fault you suck at pool, Kid. Get over it.” As I walk away I can hear them whispering angrily to each other. They are 100 % going to try to jump me. I tuck the money away and smile. I was looking for a fight.

I almost make it to Sheila. I was getting disappointed, then I hear a drunk moron stumbling towards me. I turn and cross my arms over my chest as I watch the 4 boys storm over.

“Want another round boys?” My cocky tone only fuels their anger. 

“Give us all your cash Skank!”

“You really want me to punch your teeth down your throat, don’t you? You have one chance. Walk away now or pull your teeth out of your ass for the next week.”

“Bitch! You asked for this!” Bingo. Line o’ death. He’s going down first. They move closer and chatter box is the first to try and hit me. I deflect the blow and my elbow connects with his jaw. I follow it up with a knee to the ribs and I feel one crack. I smirk and carry the momentum in to an elbow to the next target. He stumbles back and I let him take a swing. I duck and use his momentum to toss him on his ass. One more steps up but the last hangs back trying to pick up the first guy.

I got sloppy. I moved in first instead letting him come at me. He gets in a good hit and cracks me in the jaw. I spit out the blood and I know my jaw is at least bruised like a mother. I grit my teeth to squash the pain I dodge the next swing, landing an elbow to his spine. He eats dirt and I glare at the remaining opponent. Blood is trickling from the corner of my mouth and I just about growl. He books back to the bar without a second glance.

I storm back to Sheila and peel out back to the motel. I storm in to my room and in to the bathroom. Fuck. Its already bruising. I think I cracked a tooth. Well fuck. I don’t think 500 bucks was worth explaining this to captain over protective. I let out a sigh and wince at the ache. Hell. 

I flop in to the bed and hold a beer to my face and crash with an alarm set for 4am.

I am still angry at myself for the whole drive. I cover up the bruise the best I can with some cheap makeup from a drugstore. Maybe he won’t notice. I just hope he doesn’t grab my face. The drive seems longer on the way back and I am not as willing to sing along with my jaw throbbing. 

When I pull in to the garage no one is around. I hope They are still passed out from last night’s drinking. I try to sneak back to my room but I can hear the boys in the kitchen. I sigh and try to put on a straight face, albeit a swollen one.

“hey Boys.” I smile and lean against the door frame.

“Hey, beautiful!” dean comes over to me and picks me up. I squeal and cling to him. I didn’t expect that. When he finally puts me down I hug him. “where did you go? You missed a hell of a night. Right, Sammy?!” Sam groans

“At least you missed this hangover.”

“I went out to Utah to hike up a mountain and spend all day swimming in a crystal-clear lake.”

“I missed you in a bikini!?” called it.

“you can come next time if you don’t mind the 4 hour hike up.” I laugh when he makes a face at that last bit.

“I am gonna take a shower. I’ll be out in a bit.” He releases me and I move quickly to my room. I grab some new clothes and dash for the shower. I put the water on full blast and sigh as I look in the mirror. My face is puffy. I poke it and almost lose my balance. Damn that hurts. I let out a sigh and shrug off my jacket and kick off my shoes.

A sudden knock catches me off guard.

“Kate? I figured I could take your stitches out before you hop in the shower.” I open the door and smirk at him. “or during.” He gives me his pretty boy smile and I turn my bruised side away from him.

“Dork.” I pause to consider it. They do need to come out and I know he will be stubborn about it either way. “Fine.” I sit on the edge of the tub and he kneels in front of me. I sweep my hair back so it’s not in his way. He grabs the scissors and I can already tell it’s too late. He puts his hand on my face and I’m digging my teeth in to my lip in a desperate attempt to hide the agony. At least he makes quick work of it. When he moves his hand, I let out a harsh breath and he looks at me with a raised brow.

“It shouldn’t still hurt that much.” Before I can make up an excuse he sees the makeup on his hand. “are you wearing, like full makeup? You never do that.” Fuckfuckfuckfuck. He is going to notice. “what’s going on. You are kind of acting weird.” Shit I’ve been quiet to long.

“It’s nothing. Don’t worry about it. Just let me jump in the shower and it will be all good.” I stand and move towards him to get him out but he doesn’t move.

“no. What’s wrong.” He puts his hand on my face and rubs some of the makeup off and I pull away quickly and put a hand over it. “What did you do? What the fuck happened?”

He grabs a wash cloth and wets it in the sink. Before he attacks me with it I blurt out everything.

“It was just a bar fight. I’m fine. It’s just a bruise. I’m ok.” He looks angrily at me and I still get attacked with a washcloth but he’s at least gentle about it. When he is done the side of my face has a monstrous bruise that took me 10 layers of cover up to lighten and boy does he look pissed.

“how did you get in to a bar fight?”

“Dean. It’s not like it hasn’t happened before. I have been pulling cons on my own for years. Shit happens. It was just a lucky shot.”

“You rolled a mark on your own? What the hell! We always back each other up. You haven’t pulled a con alone in a year! Did you kill him?”

“I fucked up the first dude pretty bad. At least a broken rib and I bet his face looks worse than mine but the other 2 are probably just sore.”

“you took on 3 dudes for a con? What is it with you and picking fights when you’re totally outnumbered?!”

“technically it was 4 but the last dude ran away. But still. Dean I am fine. I covered it up because this is exactly what I didn’t want to happen. And I made 500 bucks. Just go relax dean. I’m fine.”

“FUCKING—damn it. You are fucking killing me.” He turns and walks out. I let out a heavy sigh and slink, defeated in to the shower

I don’t bother looking for dean after my shower. I head to the library and sink low in a chair with one of the books Sam had recommended. I don’t bother covering the bruise. There is no real point anymore. 

Sam walks in with his nose buried in a lore book.

“Hey Sam.”

“Oh hey. I didn’t see—wooaaahhh! What happened to your face?!”

“thanks Sam. Subtle. Some guy got a lucky shot in during s bar fight. Its healing better now, swelling has gone down.”

“So that is why Dean is pissed.”

“yup. Shit happens. He needs to remember that I am still a hunter. I am not fragile.”

“he is just adjusting. Give him some time.”

“Yea…”

“So I found a case. It’s over in New Hampshire. It’s in a town called Hampton. I think it’s a siren.” 

“sweet. I feel like it’s been forever since we have been on a proper hunt.”

“I hear that.”

“When do we head out?”

“whenever I find Dean and fill him in.”

“awesome. I’ll go pack up Sheila.”

“Uh… Kate why don’t you ride with us in the Impala? You know you are part of the team. You don’t have to your car every time.” 

“um… I don’t know. I’m not used to being without her.”

“it would make Dean less twitchy. He is still convinced you are going to run off.” I look down at the pages of my book. I’m kind of mad that he doesn’t trust me but to be honest I haven’t given him much of a reason to.

“Yea… I guess. Ill… grab my gear…” this is unnerving. I don’t like not having a getaway. I head up to my room and grab the usual stuff. I bring the makeup along because the bruise would probably interfere with our investigation. I pull some of my most used weapons from Sheila and sit in the garage.

I lean against Sheila and nervously pick at my nails. I am happy about another case but I am still unsure of all this. I care for Dean. I really do, but this feels like a chain. I can’t fight like normal. I can’t be reckless. Reckless is who I have been for so long. Plus we are headed in to my old territory. I grew up about an hour west of Hampton and spent a lot of time at the beach there. Sam would find a case in the only area I don’t want to be in.

I’m ripped from my thoughts when the boys come in with their bags. Dean pops the trunk and they toss their bags in. when I stop him from slamming it shut and toss my bag in he looks genuinely shocked.  
“You are riding with us?”

“Yea. Do you not want me to?”

“no. I just don’t think I have ever seen you leave Sheila at the bunker… ever.”

“I thought she could use a rest. That trip was pretty long.”

“uh. Ok.” Sam smiles and slides in to the passenger seat.

“Dean? I really am sorry.” He gives me a sad smile and sighs.

“Me too.” He pulls me in and kisses me gently. 

 

“Come on. Let’s go.”

“oh, One more thing. You packed your Bikini, right? This place is right on the beach.” He grins at me.

“Ung… Yes. Now gooooo” He laughs as I push him to the driver’s door then jump in to the back seat.

I find myself restless rather quickly. I Am not used to being a passenger. I quickly grow bored and look around the backseat for something to do. I only come up with one option and it should be fairly funny either way.

I scoot over so I am sitting behind Sam and start combing out his hair with my fingers.

“Uh…Kate? What are you doing?” He asks with a nervous tone and I have to fight my laughter.

“I am bored. Plus, I always wanted to do this to you.” Dean shoots me an instantly pissed off look and I almost lose it. “I’m just gonna braid your hair. I’ll take it out before we go anywhere. I just want to do it.” They exchange looks as I continue to gently separate tangles in his hair.

“I guess its ok?” He is pretty much asking Dean for permission and I can’t stop my snicker.

“You are weird. But I am totally taking a picture before you take them out.” Access granted.

“Dude.”

“That’s what you get for having chick hair.” Sam just grumbles but I can tell he is enjoying me running my fingers through his hair. I started with one big braid and then moved on to a bunch of small ones. Sam was thoroughly enjoying himself and was passed out within the hour. 

About 2 hours in I tire of toying with Sam’s hair and slide over behind Dean.

“Still mad at me?” I give him my best puppy dog eyes in the rear-view mirror and he shakes his head.

“No. Just take me with you next time. Or even Sam. Just have back up.”

“Fine. But if it’s one on one I’m cool, right?” he raises an eye brow and sighs

“As long as it’s not some dude Sam’s size. He counts as 2.” I laugh quietly. I don’t want to wake Sam.

“It’s a 25-hour drive. Where do you want to stop?”

“if we switch off we can burn through it.”

“do you really want all 3 of us in here for that long?”

“true. I would like some time with you all to myself.” He looks back at me with that smirk.

“Dean, is that all you ever think about?” I tease and move my hands to his shoulders.

“I think about you washing my car sometimes. Does that count as something else?” I slap him lightly on the shoulder.

“No!” I laugh and can’t help but flip the image and picture him washing Sheila in jean shorts and I about die burring my face in to his seat.

“What did I miss?” it takes me a good minute to regain composure.

“I just pictured you in daisy dukes washing my car.” And I’m snickering again trying desperately not to laugh hysterically.

“Oh come on!”

“You started it.”

“And I’m going to finish it when we got to the motel. What’s half way?”

“ummm. Ohio/ Indiana ish.”

“Fuck it. Ohio, I guess.”

“By finish it you mean get your ass kicked, right?”

“woman. I will come back there. You put Sammy out cold.” I laugh and return my hands to his shoulders and start to kneed his stiff muscles.

“Oh hush, boy.”

“what the hell are you doing? Oh, God. Why haven’t you done it before?”

“I don’t do it often these days. I was pretty good at it when I was younger. I could show you tonight if you want. You feel like you could use a good massage.” The words are out before I even think. I just told him more about my life before. I told him something about me without even thinking. I really have let my guard down.

“Hell yea! There’s totally a happy ending, right?” I slap him on the shoulder.

“I’m going to kill you.”

The next 11 hours go by relatively fast and Sam drives for a bit giving Dean a chance to sit and talk with me in the back. Sam makes a snide remark about not being a chauffeur and we both laugh.

We end up in a motel in Ohio just across the Indiana border. We opt for something besides burgers and get Pizza. I feel bad for Sammy when Dean immediately abandons ship when I stand to go over to my room after we eat. Sammy waves it off and cracks a book. Maybe he isn’t upset about the alone time.

Dean follows closely as we walk to my room. It’s on the second floor but not far from Sam’s. As soon as I step inside dean has his arms around my waist and pushes me up against the door slamming it.

“Woah there, cowboy.” I chuckle but he has a hopeful and puppy esque look.

“You weren’t kidding about the massage thing, right?” I laugh and put my arms around him.

“No. I wasn’t kidding.”

“Oh fucking yessssss.” I laugh and catch his lips in a quick kiss. He quickly kisses me again but deeper. Before I know it, we are full on making out and he has my leg hiked up over his hip.

“Hey. If you want that massage you better slow down.” He smiles and kisses me one more time before letting my leg down and freeing me from the door.

“Sorry. I just like thinking about you touching me.” He smirks and I know his mind is in the gutter. I chuckle and wave him over to the bed.

“Then you better get ready. Shirt off and lay on your stomach.”

“It makes me all tingly when you take control like that.” I smack his ass on the way past him and shoot him a smirk. He gives me a shocked look with his shirt half way over his head. I can’t help but laugh.

“Feelings mutual, love.” I wink at him and head to the bathroom to change in to shorts and a tank. My hair is braided over my shoulder and by the time I step out dean is half asleep on my bed. Guess the drive took it out of him.

“We can do this another night if you are tired.”

“mmh!? What? No, no. I’m good.” I walk over and sit beside him on the bed.

“Nope. You are tired. It’s not like it was a onetime only deal, Dean. I’ll do it tomorrow night.” He pouts up at me then drags me down on the bed with him.

“Fine. But I still get my happy ending.”

“I really am going to kill you if you keep saying that.” We curl up in bed and I am immediately tangled up with him and locked in his arms. I swear he does it on purpose so I can’t escape.

The next morning, I am all too happy to take the first shift driving. Dean never lets me drive the impala. It feels a little like cheating on Sheila but I think she will understand. 

Dean rides shotgun as Sam laid stretched out in the back. They are both asleep after about an hour. It's the first time I've actually seen Dean sleep. Well, paid attention to it. He looks peaceful but that little knot in his brow is still faintly there. Oh, god. I really like him. Like adore him. What the hell is going on? 

I enjoy being with him. When was the last time I genuinely enjoyed someone's company besides Sam? Years. Like 15. What is this boy doing to me?

About 5 hours in Dean takes the wheel and I make Sam stay in the back with me so I can torture him with more braids and silly hair dos. Sam is asleep on my chest in less than 20 minutes and I play with his hair for the next hour or so as Dean watches us carefully in the rearview mirror.

About an hour away from Hampton I start to recognize things. Places I've been. memories I've buried. I didn’t tell them we were passing through where I grew up. I don't need to be coddled, but it takes more to bury it than normal. I spent a lot of days in Hampton too. The beach was always my escape. I have a thing for water. 

As we passed the buildings I struggle to keep the memories away from, I guess, better days. Days when my father and I played arcade games all day and rode his motorcycle to get beach pizza. Damnit. I shake my head and Sam can feel me tense as we get closer to our destination. It had to be here, didn't it?

“you ok?” Sam asks looking up at me from his position laying across the seat with his head in my lap. I can feel Dean watching me in the mirror.

“yea, I'm fine. Just excited for the hunt.” I'm not good at the whole truth thing. “we are almost there. Where do you want to start?”

“well there have been 2 deaths so far. Both committed by husbands who couldn't tell anyone why they did it. It sounds like the same m.o. As the last one. Maybe we will get lucky and get to hit the strip clubs again!” I'm only half listening to Dean as he goes on about the last siren.

“there is a strip club right on the beach called 10's and one a litter further down the coast called kittens” The words are out before I realize it and I feel an awkward silence fall over the boys. They are looking at me like I'm crazy. I'm snapped back from my window day dream when I notice the silence and Sam sits up.

“How do you know that?” Sam asks, voicing dean's question.

“I… uh. I've been here before.”

“And to every strip club in the area?” Dean quips from the font.

“it's a long story.”

“Riggghhhtt.” The boys both eye me and the rest of the ride is spent in silence. Shit.  
Once we arrive we settle in to our rooms and pull on our usual F.B.I. Garb. As I button up my shirt I hear Dean walk in to my room. I let out a deep sigh. I know what is next.

“Hey.” He walks up and stands beside me and a little behind looking in to the mirror with me.

“hey.”

“you ok?”

“I'm fine Dean.”

“Why don't you want to tell me what's going on?” there is an odd tightening in my chest and I push it away.

“it's a long story.”

“yea, you said that.”

“Dean, please. When we started this whole thing, I told you I couldn't change overnight. This is one of those things. I'm not the bust-open-at-the-seams-and-spill-my-guts kind of person… not anymore.” The last words are whispered with anger as my brow furrows and I look to the ground.

“I know. I just worry because of the hunt. I don't want anything to bite us in the ass.”

“it won't. It's nothing I can't handle.” My tone is more clipped than I intend.

“Fine.” He turns and leaves with heavy steps. When he's out of ear shot, I crumple on the counter and bury my face in my arms. This is going to suck. Why do I feel like I'm sleeping on the couch tonight?

 

We head to the police station and get the details on the case. I bat my eyelashes and lean over the sheriff's desk when he questions us and all suspicion is forgotten. Dean only seems to resent me more.

I tell the boys to drop me off at the first guys house while they talk to the men who killed their wives. Apparently, nothing I do is right since the knot in dean's brow is only getting deeper.

When I'm finally alone I let out a sigh and try to get my Shit together. It didn't take much to pick the lock and I start to poke around. Nothing that screams murderer. Looks like a happy home. Nice place. Swanky. One of the houses that I always admired as we drove up the coast. I step out on to the back porch and take in the ocean air. It has been a long time.

It takes all my restraint not to jump off the porch and run in to the ocean. Well since I'm in the dog house I can sneak out tonight. 

I walk down the road that leads to the beach arcades. That is where we were going to meet up. It's also where 10's is. It wasn't a long walk and I grab a slushy from the arcade I used to live in as a kid. Some of the games have changed but it still feels the same. The upstairs had the same old classics. It was a nice hit of nostalgia. Better days and I time where I want so hardened.

The boys still aren't around so I decide to head over to 10's. I give the usual spiel and head in with the owner in toe.

“have you heard about the recent murders in the area?”

“yea, some wacked out dudes doing in their old ladies.”

“Right. Are either of them regulars?”

“hell if I know lady. You know how many guys roll through here?” I pull out their mugshots and show him.

“just take a look.” He eyes the photos quickly.

“Yea. They do look familiar now that I see em.”

“do you know what girls they favored?”

“Yea. They are part of Lulu's crowd. That girl really pulls em in.”

“really? Only one girl? Hmm is she around?”

“She's off tonight but she will be in tomorrow.”

“You don't happen to know where she lives, by any chance?”

“What, do I look like her Secretary?”

“right. Thanks.” I turn to leave and he grabs my arm. I grit my teeth and turn back to him.

“You know you could make a lot more dough here than with this cop gig. A girl like you… could bring in a fortune.” God, I want to punch this ass clown.

“F.B.I. Not cop. And if you don't take your hand off me I will show you the difference.” He holds his hand up in surrender and I walk out with an angry click in my step. The impala pulls up just as I step outside. I storm to the car and slide in to the back with a scowl.

“Woah. Who pissed you off?” Sam asks as he turns to face me.

“Captain McFeely in there knows the husbands. Regulars of a girl named Lulu. No address but she is on tomorrow night.”

“captain…?”

“what did you find out?”

“uh… what we expected. Couldn't stop themselves. Undying love for some chick.” 

“guess we are stuck for the night.” Dean finally adds to the conversation. I'm quiet for the ride back to the motel. I sit with my legs crossed as I rewind that moment. what a tool. I don't know why it is pissing me off so bad. I spare the boys any misdirected wrath and duck in to my room quickly. I notice the look Sam and Dean exchange but I brush it off. Once inside I change. I put my swimsuit on under my clothes and grab one of my bags and throw a towel in. I need to get some water time.

It's around midnight when I decide to try my luck sneaking out. I open my door as quietly as I can and crouch down skirting the building. It only takes 2 minutes to walk to the beach. It's deserted except a few lonely souls walking the shore line. It's quiet and the sound of the waves crashing brings me a peace I barley recognize. Taking a deep breath, I shrug off my bag and ditch my clothes. I have a bikini top and some short board shorts on. I walk slowly in to the water letting the cold ground me.

New England waters are never warm but at night it has a bit more of a bite. I wade in up to my hips and draw circles in the water with my fingers. It's a calm I can't explain. I'm in up to my waist and the waves are loud enough to drown out the world. I take a deep breath and go under. It's a cold embrace that feels like I should be here. It's like magic. Always has been. When I surface, I wipe the water from my eyes and stare up at the moon. In that moment, I feel free. Like there are no monsters or even people in the world. Just me.  
The cold air starts to set in and feel a shiver move across my body.

Just as I go to dive back under I feel arms around my waist. The immediate panic subsides when I feel dean's kiss on my shoulder. I let out a quiet sigh and try my damndest not to cry.

“Dean…”

“don't tell me you are ok. I know you are not. You don't have to tell me, just don't lie to me and tell me you are.”

“I'm sorry. I know I suck at this. There is just so much.” He turns me in his arms and when I look in his eyes I get that tightness in my chest again.

“don't do it alone. Let me help you. You don't even have to tell me. Hit me, yell at me, just don't run from me.” I laugh at that and put my head on his shoulder.

“you have no idea how good I am at running. If I really wanted to run from you, you would never find me.” I leave a small kiss on his collar bone and pull him tighter in to my embrace. “I… grew up here.” He looks down at me with a frown. Saying things out loud huts so much more.

“Kate, I'm sorry. I know what that's like.”

“Dean… I” I choke on the words.

“shhh. I've got you.” Dean lifts my chin and his lips take mine. It's a soft kiss and I feel the tears fall. Damn this boy. I grab on to him like he is the only anchor in a tornado. I kiss him hard. I force myself to smile in to the kiss and turn away from him quickly. I dive under the water and my tears are forgotten, lost amongst sea. I surface behind Dean, splashing him with cold water. He yelps and I realize he is in his jeans.

“You… wore your jeans in?” I giggle as he shivers.

“I didn't come prepared like someone.” He trudged over to me and I grab his shoulder using his momentum and my weight to pull him down in to the water. He scoops me up when he surfaces and I feel him shiver. “God it's Fucking cold! How are you not freezing?!”

“thick skin? This is far from the first Time I've gone in to these waters.” He knows I'm playing this all off and he lets me.

“you Godda be part Eskimo or some shit.” I relent. My watery escape has been foiled and it's back to the real world.

“fine. Come on popsicle boy.” I take his hand lead him back to shore, he is shivering way more than me so I offer him my towel. he dries off his chest and offers it back but I wave him off. He gives me an odd look and wraps himself in it. I grab my bag along with his boots and shirt. 

We head back to the motel and duck in to my room. I grab a towel and dry off as Dean shivers by the door.

“you shouldn't have worn your jeans. They hold the cold.”

“Baby, the shrinkage is real. Without them it would be worse.” I chuckle and turn on the shower. I untie my top but hold it in place.

“are you joining me or are you going to stand there and freeze?” I raise my brow and look over my shoulder at him.

“Seriously? Hell yea!” he hurries in to the bathroom. He tosses the towel aside and wraps his arms around me. He pulls the other string and my top comes lose. I let it fall to the floor and start to wiggle my way out of my board shorts. It takes him a minute to peel off the denim of his jeans and by the time he does I've already stepped in to the warm water.

It cascades over me washing away the sand and salt. Dean steps in behind me and I step forward so the water hits him. He lets out a contented sigh as the water warms him. after a minute of basking in the heat he pulls me in. I put my hands on his chest and feel his skin. I can't help but kiss him. I leave love bites up his neck and kiss him softly.

“There is no shaking you, is there?”

“Sorry darlin'. I'm not very easy to get rid of. Especially when I find something this good.” He smiles and kisses me with such passion. I wonder if he ever thinks of me like this. I grab my body wash and in seconds he and I are both lathered up and laughing. Who knew we would turn in to kids when bubbles were involved? I make him a beard while he kind of just plays with my boobs.

“You might look good with a goatee.” I say as I sculpt the bubbles on his chin.

“nahh. I like my rugged look.”

“so do I, just throwing it out there.” We both laugh and he caresses my face. “ok I can't take you seriously with bubbles on your face. Let's rinse off and get some sleep.”

“Sleep? Come on.” 

“Shut it boy. We are on a case and you need sleep. We are going after the thing tomorrow.” He wines at me and the puppy dog eyes are real. I groan and put my face under the water.

In a few minutes, we are dried off and sitting on my bed wrapped in towels. He hooks my waist and pulls me over in to his lap. I let him kiss up my neck and he catches my lips. It didn't take long for us to devolve in to primal panting and hands all over. So much for will power. He pins me beneath him and our towels get lost along the way. He is already set to go, judging by the pressure on my thigh. I figure he's just going to go for the quick release but when he starts to sink down my body my thoughts go elsewhere. My self-consciousness is in over drive but I try and stay calm.

“Relax baby.” He must have felt me tense. He kisses his way down my stomach and over my hips. I can feel his stubble scrape across my skin and it feels incredible. He looks up at me when he kisses right above his goal. My face is on fire and I cover it with my hands. 

He successfully gets me to move them away and dig my fingers in to the sheets with one graze of his tongue. I muffle my moan and bite my lip. He moves his tongue from entrance to clit and he has to hold my hips in place to stop me from squirming. My moans are less muffled as he concentrates his efforts on my sweet spot. He has an arm thrown over my hips to hold me in place. I glance down and he is staring up at me with straight lust in his eyes. It makes me just about swoon. 

I am close now. This has always been the quickest way to get me off. I can’t stop my hands as I curl my fingers in his hair and let out a loud moan. I just about lose my mind when he slides his fingers inside me. I can’t stop the buck of my hips and he holds me down harder. I just about shriek his name when I cum. It’s a crazy intense wave of pleasure that leaves me a twitching, sensitive mess desperately trying to squirm away from his continued efforts.

He finally releases me and I sit there panting and trying to recover from the waves of ecstasy still pulsing through my body. He wipes his face on his arm and crawls toward me. Holy hell, he is sexy.

“I’ve been wanting to do that. I knew you would taste good.” His words are whispered in my ear and I about convulse at how hot he sounds. My body is still sensitive but I want him so bad I don’t care.

I regain the use of my legs and push him down on the mattress. He gives me that smirk and I kiss it off his face. I straddle him and I can feel how hard he is. As I sink him inside me he lets out a long growl. I take him all the way in before I slowly start to ride him. He is already worked up and panting. He reaches up and grabs my breasts. I expected as much and it feels good. I start to move faster and he stars to help, thrusting in to me. 

He growls my name and I don’t know who is going to finish first. Before I can even guess he rolls us so he is on top. I let out a loud moan as he starts to thrust in to me. I wrap my legs around him and drag my nails down his back. It spurs him on and before I know it we are both a quivering mess of heavy breathing and ecstasy.

Damn that boy is good in bed. When he finally finds the energy to roll over beside me we are both exhausted. I look over at him and he has his eyes closed with this contented smile. I crawl over to him and cuddle up beside him.

“You skipped the massage part but I think we both got a happy ending.” He laughs and wraps me in his arms.

“I’ll take a rain check on that bit. I just needed to take you. Couldn’t wait.” I don’t know why that makes me smile. He tangles me up in his arms and I am trapped in my favorite prison. Does he really think I would run from this?


	4. Chapter 4

The next day we have a bit of time to relax and we all hang out on the beach for a few hours. Dean enjoying the view while I swim and Sam reading and catching some sun. It was almost a normal day, like we were ordinary people.

Lulu is on at 9 so we all shower up and get ready to head out. We wear our normal clothes as not to attract attention. About 15 minutes before the show I decide to hit the bar. Sam and dean are blending in with the men waiting by the stage. I kind of stand out. I order a drink and sip it slowly as I wait for her performance to start.

“Katie?” A voice from beside me asks and my blood runs cold. No one calls me that anymore.

“Do we know each other?” I ask tentatively as I try to regain my cool.

“You are Chris’ daughter! I haven’t seen you in years! You really grew up!” My stomach is in my shoes and I try to hide my utter shock at the man sitting beside me. I try to place him but I can’t. He does seem vaguely familiar though.

“y-Yea. Hi. Sorry but I don’t remember your name.”

“Ray! I used to work at the garage with your dad! The tow truck place.” Makes sense. I was there all the time working on cars or going out on tows. 

“Oh wow! Hi! I remember now!” Lie.

“How ya bin kid?” He puts an arm around me and I smile. He has something about him that puts me at ease. It’s kind of odd but I guess it was inevitable. I was bound to run in to someone I knew.

“I’m doing good. Lots of traveling.”

“That’s great! I am glad to see you are doing good. What are you doing in a place like this?” I smile somewhat sadly. I was supposed to come here with my dad before he got sick. It was going to be my first visit to a strip club. I know it’s a weird thing for fathers and daughters to do together but my dad was my best friend and we did a lot of bro stuff together.

“Just out with the boys.” I nod over to the crowd and I can see Dean staring daggers at Ray.

“That’s good. Always good to get out and relax a little.” He chuckles and I actually smile. He reminds me of my dad. Big biker looking dude. It’s comforting. 

“how is the shop doing?”

“same old same old. Those damned kids always doing what they want.” I laugh. I remember that.

“Maybe I will swing by on my way out of town. “ 

“Be careful! They might put you to work! From what I remember you are twice the mechanic they are!” I genuinely laugh. Am I having a good time talking to someone? What the hell? “they water down the good stuff here. Have a little kick.” He takes a sip from a flask then pours some in to my drink.

I take a sip and its straight jet fuel. Ever clear. I cough but laugh it off.

“Thanks man!” I look over and see Lulu has started her performance. “No fucking way.” “Lulu” is actually a girl I went to high school with. Courtney, I think her name is.

“What?”

“I know her!”

“Small world hu kid?” I sigh and put a hand over my face. Well that blows that lead.

“Can I have another swig of that?” he offers it to me and we each take 2 sips. “Thanks. It’s that kind of night.” I laugh and he gives me a warm smile.

“I hear that kid. It was good seeing ya.”

“Yea. You too. Thanks.” I smile and head over to the boys. They are behind a wall of horny dude that I have to squeak by and avoid being man handled by. When I finally make it to Dean he instantly puts his arm around my waist.

“Who was that?” 

“An old friend of my fathers.” He lets his angry look fade and doesn’t pry any further. “That is not our siren.”

“What? How do you know.” 

“I went to high school with her. She is just a bitch, not a monster.”

“Son of a bitch!”

“Maybe the siren is just working her crowd. Picking up horny weirdos after the show.”

“I guess. Damn. Me and Sammy will ask around. See what we can find out.”

“and me?”

“Do you really want to talk to a bunch of “horny weirdos”?”

“I guess you are right. Fine. I am going to head over to the beach and take a walk.” I feel his grip on me tighten. Really? He is that worried? “Dean.” I kiss him softly. “Call me when you are done and I’ll meet you back here.” He reluctantly releases me and I head out the door.

In the parking lot sitting on one hell of a bike is Ray. I can’t help but go over and inspect it. It is a gorgeous cruiser bike. Glorious in ways only a motorcycle can be. I am damn near drooling when he offers to take me for a ride. I try not to squeal and quickly accept.

We head out up the coast. The ocean looks amazing and the feel of the ocean air blowing through my hair makes me feel alive. I am smiling and laughing like I haven’t in longer than I can remember.

After about 20 minutes we pull in to a beach parking lot and I hop off the bike with a little victory dance.

“THAT WAS AWESOME!” It’s like I am a kid again. Everything feels great!

“I know, right?” he laughs and I hug him. Did I just hug someone?

“Alright kid. So, what are you doing with a couple of hunters?” what?

“How did you know we are hunters?” that’s not what I wanted to say! Why did I say we were hunters!?

“The Winchesters? Everyone knows those boys are trouble.”

“We are hunting a Siren.” WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?! KATE SHUT YOUR STUPID MOUTH!

“ahh. Makes sense now. Well what do you say we head back and give those boys a real surprise.”

“sure!” seriously. What the fuck is going on? Oh, fuck me. That’s the siren. Shit. 

I hop on the bike with no hesitation and we head back to 10’s. He drops me off in the parking lot and tells me to lure the boys to an abandoned arcade not too far from there. I happily agree. Damn this stupid poison. I should have fucking known better.

“Dean!” I almost collapse in his arms as I run in to him. He is immediately freaking out.

“Kate! What’s wrong? Are you ok?!” no Dean I am about to lead you in to a trappppp!

“I found her. She jumped me. She must have known we were hunting her. Come on! I know where she went!” The boys follow me like the trusted teammate they think I am. Fuck.

The boys follow as I run down a back road and dip in to the arcade. Once inside I just stop. It is like my body is waiting for instructions. This is fucking garbage.

The boys crash through the door with guns drawn and look around. The siren steps out from behind and old arcade machine that has been abandoned for ages. He takes my shoulder and stands me in front of him like a human shield.

“Hello boys!” They both turn to look and I watch Dean’s heart break as I internally scream.

“Let her go.” Deans words are angry but even like he is stating a fact. This is not a request but an order.

“I don’t think so. She was all too easy to sway. I read you all as soon as you pulled in to town. She was just the easiest target. A little daddy nostalgia and a motorcycle and she was mine.” Fuck you. “she doesn’t want or need you boys. All she wants is her daddy back.” He puts an arm around my shoulders and I feel Like a prisoner in my own body.

“I’ll fucking kill you.” Dean hisses and takes aim but the siren has me immediately step in the way.

“Temper, temper. I have an Idea! Let’s have a little fun! Kate, Tell Dean-o here what you really think of your little “relationship”.” Nononononononono FUCK ME NO!

“It is just one more thing to lose. It is pointless to even try. It will end like all the others. It is no different.” NOOOOOO I didn’t mean that! I watch as Dean winces like I struck him.

“and why you always run away.”

“I don’t trust either of you. I always expect to never come back or to have you turn on me. I always need an escape route.”

“Dean... You know this is the siren talking, not her.” Sam says quietly as Dean seethes beside him.

“and the best part, why you always pick fight you probably can’t win.” No not that. Please not that. Shoot me Dean. Please just shoot me.

“Because I am only waiting to die. I have no reason to live so I will just keep fighting till I die.” Which should be right now. Please.

Dean fires. Thank fucking god. It goes through my shoulder and in to the sirens chest. Bronze bullets. I hit the ground gasping and all I want to do is run. Everything is destroyed and he knows my darkest secret. I wish he had shot me in the chest.

Sam runs over to me and tries to help but I pull away. The wound is agony but I could care less. Dean just looks at me like I slapped him and told him I hated him. I know I am crying but I duck my head down so they can’t see my face through my hair.

“Kate. Let me help you! That wound is really bad.”

“go.” I whisper trying to keep the sob out of my words.

“what?” he reaches for me again and I scramble backwards.

“Just Go!” He heard it that time.

“We are not leaving you here!” Just as the last word comes out I hear the door slam. I can’t stop the sob that rolls through me and it feels like my chest is in a vice.

“Everything is destroyed all over again. Please just leave me here.” Sam looks down at me angrily. He grabs my shoulder and I grit my teeth to muffle the scream.

“Get the fuck up. I am not leaving you here to fucking bleed out” he drags me to my feet and I growl at the pain.

“Sam. It’s not worth it. He will NEVER forgive— “

 

When I come to my arm is bandaged but its throbbing. Feels like it bled through the bandage. I can feel the knot on my head from where Sam hit me. Fucker. I groan and open my eyes. The light is to bright but I can tell I am back at the hotel. I attempt to sit up but I feel a hand on my chest push me back down.

“Don’t get up. Sam barely got the bleeding to stop.” His tone is clipped and the ache in my chest hurts more than my shoulder. I can think of nothing to say as the room comes in to focus. Dean is sitting beside the bed at a small table cleaning his gun. I can’t bring myself to look at him. This is worse than being naked. Having him know things I would have never said out loud. I stare blankly at the wall trying to plan my escape. I’ll have to steal a car to get back to the bunker and get my stuff. If I beat them back there. 

Figures. The time I need Sheila most I leave her behind. I let out a sigh and test my luck. I roll my shoulder forward and I have to bite my lip to stop the sound. Fuck. It’s useless. Stealing a car one armed is going to suck.

“Really?” He is angry. He has every right to be. “Was all that shit true?” I can’t think of words. I can’t even look at him. “Answer me!” I look away and stare at the wall.

“Some.” He sighs angrily and slams his gun down on the table.

“WHAT PART?!” I don’t think I have ever seen him this angry. Well not at me at least.

“the last part…” my words are flat and emotionless. I’ve shut down like I always do. He takes a second to respond.

“And the rest?” he’s calmer now. I can taste the pity and it makes me want to hurl.

“taken out of context.”

“Will you fucking look at me!?” I don’t. My eyes are unfocused and staring at the wall. “Kate! Really? After all this shit we have been doing you won’t even look at me?!” he’s right. I should look at him. But I know if I do it will rip me out of shutdown.

“I… I’m sorry.” He can take it no more and grabs my face. The bruise hurts but I don’t wince this time. He looks me in the eye and I can’t. I just can’t. He has the heart broken look and it destroys me. I close my eyes and try to push it all down.

“Kate… Stop.” He presses his forehead against mine and I can feel myself cracking. I chew on my lip trying to bring my attention anywhere else. “You said you would let me help.” there is pretty much a new hole in my lip when I feel the tears well. No. fucking hell. This can’t be any worse.

“Dean… I don’t want you to know this side of me. I would have never said those things to you. I would have never told you about the reason I fight the way I do. I would never say those things because I know they would hurt you. God, damn it.” I feel the tears run down my face and I am so fucking angry at myself. “I fucked up and I am sorry. Once I boost a car I’ll get my stuff from the bunker and you will nev— “His lips collide with mine. He kisses me hard and I sob. He lays down beside me so I can curl up in his arms.

He pulls me close and all I can do is cry. God, I am so weak. I am so disgusted with myself. How can he even touch me after all I have done?

“I’m so sorry…” He hushes me and kisses my head. I don’t understand. Why does he still care? Why do either of them care? I was reckless and I put them in danger. I don’t deserve to be in his arms.

“Let’s go home.” He gets up slowly and I immediately feel empty without his warmth. He picks me up off the bed and caries me out to the impala. He lays me down on the back seat and kisses me once more before closing the door. I can’t even stay awake any longer.

I wake up when I feel some one slide in to the back seat with me. Its Dean and he pulls me over so I am laying in his arms with my legs stretched out across the seat.

“Where are we?” I asked groggily as I get comfortable on his chest.

“Only about 6 hours from home.”

“I have been out that long?”

“Yup.”

“Did you even stop?”

“Some pit stops but I drove most of the way through. Sammy is taking over now.”

“I’m sorry Dean.”

“Shut up. If you apologize one more time I am going to stick my finger in that bullet hole.” I wince at the thought.

“Ok.” I can think of nothing else to say as he starts to stroke my hair softly, brushing it out of my face.

“We can talk about it later. It’s my turn to sleep for the whole ride.” I know he won’t but I try to join him anyway. After half an hour, he is out cold. I can hear his heart beat and its calming.

I really fucked up this time. I can’t believe I let myself be so stupid. God, I am just awful at everything. I can’t even fathom how I will ever make this up to the boys.

 

Dean keeps me close the whole ride, not letting me even sit up. I'm locked in his arms. For a guy who just shot me he really enjoyed how close we are. When we finally get back to the bunker Dean reluctantly releases me. He starts pulling our gear out and I startle him when I kiss him gently on the cheek. He gets the idea when he sees my sad smile. I need some time.

My first stop is the bathroom. I stand in the shower for what feels like days, just soaking up the heat. I turn the water cold and let it sooth my aching shoulder. After I clean and dress the wound I try to blow off some steam. 

I grab my favorite cannon and head down to the range. Dean makes fun of my preference for hand cannons. He says they are impractical. I told him he just didn't know how to use one.

I take aim with my left and it feels odd. I try my best to steady my arm with my right without hurting it. I pull the trigger and the kick back screams through my shoulder. I hiss and let my right arm fall. This is weakness. I can't stand it. I pop off 3 more rounds one handed and they barely hit the target. I'm more pissed now than when I started. I grab one of the 9mm pistols we keep down here and slam the clip in. I dump all the rounds in to the target and glare at it angrily. 

Pulling the target in, the results are better. The grouping isn't half bad for shooting with my off hand. I sigh and give in to the fact that this is not the correct outlet. I lay the weapons on the table and leave them there. I will clean them later.

Heading to my room I flop down on my bed hissing at myself for forgetting about my shoulder already. I let out a deep sigh and stare at the ceiling. I try to calm my mind but it just won't stop. I quickly give up on relaxing and I decide to wonder the bunker. I chose halls I rarely travel and waste away a good 2 hours seeing all there is to see.

It's already midnight by the time I find myself in the garage leaning against Sheila. I sigh and slide in to the driver’s seat. It's a comport to have her again. I let my head fall back and I wonder what would happen if I just left? I wouldn't lose much in the way of possessions. It might be hard to get back on my feet but, hell, that's all I've been doing since I was 24. 

And then there is Dean. Could I actually leave him? He would be so hurt. Could I do that to him? Damn. This is why he can't trust me. I'm always planning my escape. I really can't blame him for being nervous when I'm on my own. I mean I am sitting in my car planning to escape. 

I don't want to leave him. I just feel like he knows too much. I feel like he has seen so much that I didn't want him to see. Oh, Fuck me.

I step out of the car and close the door quietly. I haven't heard a peep from the boys this whole time. Did they crash? None of the cars are missing. I decide to head back to my room.

Every night Dean and I have spent together has been in my room. He always comes to me first. Maybe I should go see him. Am I ready to talk about all this shit? I don't think there is much of a choice. He will make me talk about it eventually.

I head over to Dean's room instead of mine. His door is cracked and there is a dim light bleeding through. I push it open as quietly as I can after a slight hesitation. He's sleeping. I take a step towards him. What if he is still mad? One more step. What if he tells me to leave? Half a step. I'm at the edge of his bed. I step quietly and look down at that silly little knot.

I reach for him but pause half way there. I shouldn't wake him. I lose my nerve. I turn to retreat but I don't get very far before he snatches my wrist.

“if you leave now I'm going to kick your ass.” Busted. “lay down with me.” It is not a request and I lay down slipping in to what has become my place in his arms. It's not a bad place to be by any means, it is just hard to believe it's mine. I snuggle in to him like I always do and he tangles me up, being careful of my wound.

He smells glorious. Like a man should smell. I bury my nose in his shirt and leave a small kiss on his chest.

“so are you actually going to talk to me about all that stuff you said now?” it's a loaded question, but I knew it was coming. I enjoy one last moment of peace in my favorite place. I kiss his chest again and I can feel his arms tighten around me. What did I ever do to deserve him? Hah well I guess losing him will make up for how happy he makes me.

“Dean… there is a lot that you don't know. I… am a monster. Not like the things we hunt, more like someone who destroys everything around them. I have tried so hard to distance myself from everyone, for their protection… and mine.”

“You can't really think that. I mean, I know how that feels. Believe me, I know. But you aren't like that. “

“I--" I sigh and bury my face in his chest. “what do you want to know?”

“Do you really not trust us?”

“Sometimes. I am just use to doing things on my own. Trusting people has only ever got me hurt or stuck in some stupid mess.”

“so you don't trust me?” there is a tinge of hurt in his voice and I hug him.

“I am learning to. Dean, you know things about me that I haven't told anyone in years. And it's not just the shit the siren made me admit.”

“are you always going to run from me?” that one hurts. I don't mean to do this to him. God, I am such a dick.

“No.” I wiggle up so I can kiss him. “I thought about it. I sat in my car and tried to plan out how I could get away.” He looked down at me concerned. “but I couldn't do it. For some… ungodly reason you care about me. I have hurt you so much already, I couldn't do that to you.”

“ungodly reason? You are so weird. What do you think is so wrong with you?”

“what isn't wrong with me would be a much shorter list.”

“what are you on? Because I want some.”

“Now who is the weird one?” we both laugh and he smiles down at me.

“I was never one for the “Apple pie” life. I tried it once and it all came crashing down. I figured the occasional one-night stand was all I was ever going to get. But with you I get a hunter. You are crazy as hell and could most likely kick my ass but I don't have to worry so much about you.”

“Like you always do?”

“well, old habits. I don't know. I just hoped that with you we could have a chance at the closest thing hunters can get to a normal life.”

“to be honest… I never thought I would find anyone I cared for again. I had resigned myself to a life alone, and in some ways, I was ok with that. But seeing Sam… god you can't tell anyone I said all this girly shit… seeing Sam truly happy Fucking destroyed me. She was the only one left who needed me and now… no one does. It made me remember all the things I had hoped for growing up. A life, a home, a family. And knowing that I will never have that really killed me.” Tears were welling in my eyes and I was trying so hard not to let them escape.

“you really convinced yourself that you should be alone? haven't you?”

“It's just simpler that way. If I have no one, then I can never lose them. If I am alone I can protect myself from everyone. I have always been a protector. To Sam, to my father. I spent my life trying to save everyone I could. I just accepted that… heh… that my knight in shining armor would never come. So, I just had to slay my own Dragon.”

“That's pretty fucked up. No wonder you and I fit so well. You are just as damaged as I am.”

“I'm pretty fucked up but I never stopped the apocalypse. I think you’re a better knight than I could ever be.” 

“oh god. You didn't read those Damn books, did you?”

“Only a little. I found them online after I joined up with you, but I figured if you wanted me to know something you would tell me.”

“I hate those Damn things. Ugh. Well I appreciate it.”

“No prob. I have plenty of other books.” I smile up at him but suddenly a serious expression crossed his face.

“Ok… you don't have to answer this one. I'm just testing the water. I won't blame you for hitting me either… do you want to tell me what happened to your parents?” he was bracing for impact but I just signed sadly. I untangled myself from him and sat up on his bed facing away.

“Dean…” I let out a shaky sigh and tried to gather my courage. Damn this boy wants me to cry. “when I graduated from high school I went on a trip to Iowa. My dad paid one way and the friend I was visiting paid the other. While I was there… my dad called me. My dumb ass was sitting on a couch getting drunk from a gallon of orange juice half filled with vodka. When I answered, I knew something was wrong. 

He told me that he had gone to the doctor. He had had a bump on his neck for a while and he finally got it looked at. He told me he had cancer and I hit the floor. He tried to tell me they were starting treatments that he was going to fight this. I had only seen my father cry twice in my 18 years of Fucking around and I could hear him breaking. I cut my trip short and went home early.

My father was my best friend. He taught me how to work on cars. How to handle people, how to be who I am and to never put up with any one’s shit. I was strong because of him. He made me who I am. And I was off Fucking around in Iowa when he needed me most. I will never forgive myself for that.

When I got back he had already started his treatments. It was a long and shitty road but after about 8 months or so he was in remission. We thought we were good. But I could never get that lucky. It came back with a vengeance. He started to waste away. My big bad biker daddy was reduced to a twig.” I was crying now. There was no holding back these tears but I tried not to let it touch my words. I hadn't told anyone the whole story in just about ever.

“I didn't really see it until the night we called the ambulance because he had a seizure. The pain was so much that it put him in to a seizure. When the paramedics came… he looked so small in their arms. I was so Fucking blinded by how much I wanted him to be invincible that I didn't see what it had done to him.

We moved to the apartment above Sam's house after that. I can't lie, having Sam so close was great. We would sit on the porch and talk for hours. I was dating this… idiot. He was like a 12-year-old in a 26-year-old body. Anyway, after a while my father couldn't move without being in agony. His whole left arm wasted away. The only thing that made him laugh was when I would play with the ferrets and make her dance. 

I denied it up until the end but I knew I was going to lose him. I wanted to live my life in 2 months so my dad could be there for it. I got engaged, I moved in with the guy, and I even tried to get pregnant. But none of that panned out. Obviously. 

Everyone loved my dad. He would go out of his way to help everyone. He was the greatest man who ever lived. He protected and defended me. He believed in me when even I didn't. He was my everything.

The guys who my dad rode with put on a big bike show for him. He watched from the window in a wheel chair. He didn't even care. He looked so empty. My father who loved motorcycles didn't even care. 

That night I sat outside and argued with God. I begged him to take me instead. I would have given anything to take that pain from him. I got no answer and I just got so angry. There can't be a God. If he was real, he would save my father. If he was real and he let my father die, he had to be some sick Fuck. It wasn't long after that when I lost him. I went over to see him and we talked. He cried. I cried so Fucking hard. He told me how much he loved me. I can't remember what I said. All I remember is his face. His voice.

I was sitting in the kitchen talking to the nurse that came to help. She asked me if I would want to be there when he went and I told her I didn't know if I could take that.” I had to stop. I was sobbing and it was hard to talk. Dean sat behind me with my hand in his. I had to finish saying it. I was this far there was no turning back.

“that's when I heard my dad scream that he wasn't ready. He just kept yelling he wasn't ready. Those are the last words I ever heard him say. A few minutes later I heard his girlfriend scream. She bust through the door sobbing and saying he was gone. I ran to him. It couldn't be real. He just laid there. His eyes were still a little open. He couldn't be gone. It wasn't real…

I died that day. I had nothing left. If I didn't know how sad it would have made him, I would have killed myself then and there. I had nothing to live for. Still don't really. 

God, Dean. If I had known what we know… I would have sold my soul to save him and only asked for a day. Even a few minutes just to see him happy again.

I watched my father die. I watched my entire world waste away. Do you understand now? Why I only want to fight until I die? Dean, I have been dead inside for so long. Feeling nothing but anger and utter misery for years. Alone. 

I am a monster because you can care and love me all you want and I will never truly be happy. I adore you. I love being with you, but this will always be here. This will always destroy me. Always. It's been almost 13 years. And you see how bad it breaks me. I will never be able to make you happy because I don't remember what that means. I don't remember what real happiness feels like. God, I can't. I just— “I stand and angrily pace the room. Dean just watched quietly. He knows there is nothing he can do. I wind up and punch his door. Right arm and all. I feel the wound rip open and I couldn't care less.

Dean comes up behind me and wraps his arms around me and kisses my head. I can't take it anymore and I hug him tight and bury my face in his chest as I sob. I can feel blood pooling around my shoulder. He just holds me until my sobs quiet and I have control again.

“Come sit down. You opened the wound. Let me patch you up.” No judgements? Nothing about how easily I broke? I don't understand. He cuts off the bandage and sure enough I ripped out most of my stitches. He cleans it out and patches me up. Putting in new stitches would only shred it more so he leaves it to heal on its own.

“I… I'm sorry. I haven't told anyone that in… a long time.” He kisses my cheeks calming the angry tear soaked skin.

“I understand. And even if I can't make you happy… that doesn’t mean I can't try.” I give him a sad smile and wrap my arms around him. He pulls me in to bed and holds me close. I snuggle up to him and kiss his chest. I don't have any idea why he cares for me but I'm glad he does. When I lose him… it's going to kill me.

That night the nightmares claw at me. All the things I should have done. How much I have failed everyone I ever cared for. Demons, monsters, things that are horrifying and don’t even exist. All of it just ripping away at me.

I startle awake and Dean wakes up when he feels me jerk. I catch my breath and look up at him. He has this sad smile. Fucking pity, God I hate being pitied. The only thing I can think of that won't ruin our cuddled-up moment is to kiss him. Anything to get that look off his face.

“You ok?”

“I’m good. So… you promise not to tell anyone that I girled out, right?”

“Yea. But I am totally using it as dirt.” He smiles and I know he is joking. How did this happen?

“You are such a jerk.” I slap his chest and he smiles. I slide my hand up his neck and around to his hair. It's short in the back and feels nice to play with. I pull him down and kiss him softly. He adjusts our position so he can get a better angle and I feel him deepen our kiss. All of the sudden I am desperate for his contact. I press myself against him and hook my leg around his hip, pulling him in to me. 

I feel his hand slide down my back and he grabs my ass. I moan in to our kiss and he presses his hips forward in to mine. He starts to kiss his way down my neck and I throw my head back to expose more skin to him. 

“Dean?” he stops nibbling on my collar bone and looks up at me. “you know that I really do care about you, right?”

“Yes. If you didn't, you wouldn't let me do half the things I've done to you.” He smirks and I give him a small smile. 

“I promise not to run from you anymore. I don't do stuff like this every day. I just want you to know that this is a big deal to me.” He kisses me again and I am thankful he stops my rambling.

“I know. It's not like I chase down gorgeous women who are perfect to me every day.” I hug him tight and bury my face in his chest. “you know you mean a lot to me. I know where this is coming from. You don't have to worry about this being one sided.” How the Fuck can he read me so easily? 

I can't think of something to respond with so I pick up where we were and kiss him hard. He smiles in to our kiss and I nibble on his bottom lip. He groans and rolls us so I am on top of him. He slides his hands up my shirt and I grind my hips down against him. I can feel how hard he already is.

This is totally blowing our whole deep “know the real me" thing we had going but I am so happy it is. Banging someone as glorious as Dean always takes my mind off… everything else. I help him pull my shirt off over my head and I start to pull on his. He leans up so it comes off easier. I attack his chest. Kisses and love bites as I slowly move down to his stomach. When I nibble on the sensitive spot right above his hip bone he figures out my plan.

I give him a seductive look through my lashes as I slowly tug open his jeans. Why he sleeps in his jeans, I will never understand. I slip my fingers under the sides of his waist band and tug his boxers and jeans down freeing him and leaving them to rest low on his thighs.

He tensed in anticipation and it makes me smile. I get an evil sense of pride from seeing him squirm. I slide my tongue along his hip bone and gently blow on it. He shivers and I smile. I kiss my way up to his belly button and my breasts press against him. He groans and digs his fingers in to the sheets.

“God, baby. You are evil.”

“You like it.” I bite down on his hip with a bit more force and he hisses but I can feel he enjoyed it. I wrap my fingers around him and start to stroke him gently as I leave small kisses just above where he wants my lips. He lets out a moan as my hand moves up and down. I figure I have teased him enough for now. 

I move down and lick him slowly from base to tip then take him in my mouth. He moans and tangles a hand in my hair. I bob my head and move my tongue over him. I can feel him buck in to my mouth when I pause to suck on the tip. I can taste his excitement. 

I take him all the way to the base and press my tongue hard against him. He pulls my hair and my moan makes him twitch. He pulls away and I look up at him with a smirk.

“Fuck, babe. As much as I love that I need to be inside you.” He pulls me up beside him and kicks off his pants and boxers while he rips off mine. He gets on top of me and roughly pushes my legs apart. It's kind of… really hot. He pins my hands above my head and bites my neck. I moan and writhe begging for friction. He growls and slams in to me. I yelp but it quickly turns to moans. He's rougher than he has been and I Fucking love it. He pulls me up off the bed and puts my arms around his neck. He bucks in to me as I bounce on his lap. I moan in to his neck and curl my fingers in his hair.

He lays me back down and stands beside the bed. He grabs my ankle and drags me to the edge of the bed. I giggle as he orders me to stand and face the bed. I kind of like Dom Dean. He pushed me forward and bends me over the bed. Oh, god yes.

“ready, baby?” his voice is gruff and sexy. I bite my lip and almost purr in response.

“yes.” My answer is breathy and I am almost trembling in anticipation.

“Good.” He growls and slams in to me. I moan slash scream his name and bite down on the sheets. He is Fucking drilling me and we both love it. I can hear his harsh breathing and low moans. His sounds only make it better.

I am so close. His hands are pulling my hips to him and my legs start to tingle. I can feel his pace get erratic and I know he is going to cum with me. He slams all the way inside me and my world shatters in to oblivion when he spills inside of me.

We are both breathing heavy as we slump against the bed. He rolls off and groans. I look over at him and smile. I feel warm all over. It's a high only great sex can give me. Maybe it's part because it was with Dean. I dunno but I feel great. I giggle and crawl up on the bed. I lean over Dean and kiss him.

“That was incredible.”

“I aim to please.” He smiles and pulls me down for one more kiss. He sits up and moves over beside me.

“I think I like rough Dean. You’re pretty sexy when you get bossy.”

“When you tease me like that it brings out the animal in me.” He pulls me close and we lay back on the bed.

“I’ll make a note to do it more often then.”

“God, baby. I can't tell you how good it feels to have you.” I smile at that and cuddle up to him as he wraps me in his arms.

“the feeling is mutual, love. But Sam is going to be so pissed.” I giggle and he kisses me on the forehead.

“He is just gonna have to suck it up because making you scream my name is my new favorite activity.” I smile and wiggle my hips in happiness. Yes, I kind of wag my tail when I'm happy. I'm a weirdo. I know. Wait… am I actually happy? Is… is this what it was like before? Can Dean really repair what I have tried so hard to leave broken? I...

“kiss me Dean.” He sees the worried look on my face and pulls me in to capture my lips. Do I love Dean? Can I love Dean? So much for sex keeping my mind off things.

“Come here baby. Let's get some sleep.” He tangles me up like he always does and I curl up on his chest. Sleep. Right. Sleep.

After an hour of listening to Dean's steady heart beat and staring blankly at his wall I can't take anymore. I try to untangle myself from him without walking him but it only makes him hold me tighter.

“Dean… Dean, baby. Hey.” He looks at me briefly and I kiss him. “I have to pee.” He mumbles something groggily and releases me. I kiss him on the cheek before grabbing his shirt off the floor and heading out of his room.

I wander down the hall way to the kitchen and grab a glass of orange juice. I glance at the clock and it's about 5am. I panic a little because Sam could already be awake and I am walking around in just dean's shirt. I glance around and look in to the main room. Coast seems clear.

Maybe he is still in bed. I head up the stairs to the door that leads outside. I figure some morning air will calm me down. As I reach for the handle to open the outer door it turns and the door swings open. I am face to face with a sweaty Sam. We both just stare at each other in shock for a minute.  
“Uh… good morning Kate?” he looks me up and down then immediately away as I tug dean's shirt down.

“uh... Hey Sam. What are you doing out so early?”

“I, uh went for a run.”

“couldn't sleep?”

“You could say that.” I immediately turn bright red.

“Sorry…”

“Uh yea… you want some tea or something?”

“yea. Sure. I'm just gonna go grab some shorts.”

“yup. Good idea. I'll go make tea.” His face is flushed and he darts past me without looking down. I wait until he is in the kitchen before scurrying to my room to pull on a pair of shorts. When I get back to the kitchen the tea is almost ready. Sam knows I hate coffee so he always offers me tea.

“Sorry about the noise… and being almost naked…” he chuckles nervously.

“hah… yea. I guess you and Dean are good now?”

“Yea. Hell, if I will ever know why he always forgives me though.”

“it's because of who you are to him now.” The tea is finished and he brings our mugs over sliding one to me as he sits beside me at the table.

“What am I? I'm just some chick y'all bugged in to joining you.”

“now you are like me. I have done a lot of unforgivable things. Between the demon blood, ruby, … Kevin. But no matter what, Dean always forgave me. He holds family above almost everything. You are one of us now. You would have to do some strait up biblical evil for him to give you up now, especially since he cares about you as… more.” I stare, confused in to my tea. I guess a year and 2 months ish has made me a Winchester initiate.

“That is… scary. It's a tough expectation to live up to. I don't want him to have to forgive me.”

“welcome to my world.” We both sip our tea in silence for a few minutes as we contemplate our thoughts.

“So… what do I do?”

“about what?”

“not being a disappointment. I'm not actually good at the whole “don't be a dick" and trusting thing.”

“ha. Just do what you are doing. Dean likes you because of who you are. Just go with the flow. You guys seem to be doing ok.”

“I don't know. I just don't feel… good enough.”

“what? Really? You are so far out of his league it isn't funny. Dean is a crazy alcoholic hunter with self-destructive tendencies.”

“You just described me.”

“at least you function. And all the women he bangs… er, banged without a second thought. He is not perfect.”

“to me he just… seems like such a super hero. I know that sounds stupid but… you guys literally save the world. That is not easy to live up to.”

“I get it. But Dean and I are just 2 guys that always seem to get put in the middle of chaos. We just happen to stumble out of it alive… most of the time.”

“I guess it's just me being weird. I am pretty out of practice on this whole relationship nonsense. Even this. I don't know how to be someone's friend.”

“Just relax. You are fine. Don't stress so much. Speaking of stress, how is your shoulder?”

“it's good. Not to sore considering I ripped almost all the stitches out.”

“What?!”

“I punched a door. It happens.”

“I love how nonchalant you are about being injured.”

“I'm just used to it.”

“Really? I know you have been hunting for a while but that is some serious pain tolerance.”

“I started getting hurt when I was a kid. Clumsy me. Or fights. Me and my brother beating the shit out of each other.”

“you have a brother?”

“Possibly? Hell if I know if he is still kicking. Haven't seen him in years.”

“You really aren't about the whole family thing, are you?”

“No. Never have been. All I needed was my father. The rest could bugger off for all I cared. Once my father was gone I just had me. Sam some times. But she had her own life falling in love and what not. So, it was just up to me to have my own back.”

“Damn. I never really thought of how other families were. Guess we were kind of lucky in some ways.”

“yea. At least you and Dean always had each other.” I gave him a small smile and finished my tea. “thanks Sam. I'm gonna go make sure Dean doesn’t think I ran away again.” He smiles at me and I head off back to dean's room. I push the door open and he's pulling his jeans on with a panicked look.

I quickly cross the room and wrap my arms around him. He hugs me close and sighs.

“Hey handsome.”

“Hey baby. I got worried. I was gonna go find you.”

“I ran in to Sam. We had tea and talked for a bit.”

“Oh. ok…” I know he thought I was gone again and it stings a little.

“Do you really want to get up? It's only 5:45.”

“really?”

“Mhhm. Come back to bed with me.” I step back toward his bed pulling him along.

“I’ll never say no to a bed with you in it.” He follows me and we curl up together snuggled under the blankets. I kiss his chest and run my fingers up and down his chest.

“I made you a promise Dean. I won't break it.” He kisses the top of my head and pulls me close. I can finally get some sleep now.


	5. Chapter 5

The next day I decide to take a trip in to town. Sam needs Dean for… something. I didn’t bother to ask. I promise to keep my phone on so Dean can talk to me whenever while I am out and it seems to calm him. 

I hop in to Sheila and head out around noon. It doesn’t take me long to get there and I pull in to a small store that I always noticed but never went in. It is a cute little boutique full of odds and ends. There is a whole section of witch stuff and I decide to poke around. I would never tell the boys this but Sam and I were pretty in to witch craft when we were kids. I was in love with Salem MA.

I start to browse through a pretty sizeable collection of silver jewelry. I love silver. Rings are my weakness. I already had 4 but one more couldn’t hurt. I scan for something that catches my eye. I pause when a beautiful silver band jumps out at me. Glorious scroll work and a red gem set on top with smaller ones on either side. I bite my lip and eye it through the glass. There is a matching pentacle and I have to curb my excitement.

I try to sound calm when I ask to see them and the woman behind the counter just smiles. I bought them both. I am so weak. I keep browsing and there is some stainless-steel stuff too. I can’t wear fake stuff so my only options are real stuff or stainless. Buried amongst the men’s rings is one that looks familiar. I had seen it in pictures from when the boys were younger.

I have no idea when he lost it but Dean had one just like it. It was a simple wide silver band with a groove around the center. I wonder if it is the right thing to get him one. Will he even like it? Maybe he got rid of that one on purpose?

I buy it anyway and it fits loosely on my thumb. If he notices, I’ll give it to him. If not, new ring. Good plan. I wonder out of the store and glance around for anything else worth looking in to. There Is a store a few blocks away that I had been meaning to visit. It was one I knew well from when I was a kid.

As I pulled in to Army Barracks I couldn’t help but feel a certain sense of nostalgia. My father and I often visited stores like this to grow our collection of weapons. I step inside and look around at all the sharp objects and unique weapons hanging from the walls. Awesome. I Wonder around a bit and end up staring down a butterfly knife that brings back some fun memories. I buy it if for nothing else but a toy. I keep looking. I find a short sword made of silver. Handy. The best part is the decorative Iron that ran up the length of the blade. Now that is useful. Another added to my cart.

As I continue to look around I find a nifty belt buckle blade section. Super handy. Especially with how often the boys get tied up. I pick out one for each of us. Mine has a spider and a skull on it. I get dean one that has an old-school mustang, and Sam gets one that is more simple with a skull on it.

I have no idea why I am on a shopping spree that includes more stuff for the boys than me but what the hell. The 500 bucks I won off those dudes isn’t going to spend itself.

After buying a bad ass new blowgun and some darts I head over to a small boutique where I had bought clothes before. I need to replace the jeans Dean cut up. I grab 4 pairs of jeans and head to the dressing room. Just as I reach for the door A dress catches my eye. A dress? I never where dresses… But it is really pretty. About knee length, black with an open back and sheer lace over the shoulders. I look around as if to make sure no one sees me and I snag my size and scurry in to the dressing room. 

The jeans all fit well and I decide to get them all. I save the dress for last. I stare at it as it hangs menacingly against the wall. It takes me a minute to decide that there is no harm in trying it on. As I slip it over my head and adjust it so it is on correctly I don’t bother to look in the mirror yet.

I am nervous. It’s not like anyone can see me. But I am still nervous. I look myself up and down and to my surprise I look pretty good. I turn and check out the back and it fits me just right. I smooth it over my hips and decide to get it. What the hell. Even if I don’t ever wear it. I snag a cute pair of black wedge sandals that match and decide I have had enough adventure for one day.

My phone rings as I pull on to the road. I put it on speaker and tuck the phone in my shirt so I can drive.

“Hey.”

“Hey, Baby. What are you up to?”

“Just heading back now. I did a little shopping.”

“get anything good?”

“Some cool stuff. Hey, while I am out, do we need anything?”

“A bigger bed.”

“don’t tempt me. I’ll buy a California king and make you wrestle that shit downstairs.” He laughs and I smirk. I would totally do it.

“I don’t think so. You could get us some good stuff to drink if you wanted.”

“Ok, what do you consider good stuff?”

“I don’t know… some good whiskey?”

“Oh you are on your own there. I’ll get my good stuff and get you your own.”

“sounds good to me.”

“So we are getting wasted tonight?”

“Hell yea!”

“What does Sam like to drink?”

“you going to invite captain party pooper?”

“Oh come on Dean. We all need to cut loose and have some fun.”

“Fine but when I start mauling you in front of him I don’t want to hear it.”

“Whatever you say. “

“Ugh. He is really a beer guy.”

“perfect, I’ll be home in like half an hour.”

“alright babe. See you soon.” I hang up and head for the liquor store.

On the way home I—wait… home? The bunker is home now? When did that happen? When did I become this comfortable? What have these boys done to me?

I pull in to the garage and Dean is waiting for me. As soon as I am out of the car he pins me to it and kisses me hard. I slip my hands in to his back pockets and enjoy the contact. Once the kiss is broken I snuggle in to his neck and leave a small kiss there.

“Miss me?”

“when you greet me like that how can I not?” He backs up so I am free and I turn back to the passenger seat and grab my bags from the stores. “Can you grab the booze? It’s in the back.” He opens the door and grabs the 4 large bottles and the 30 rack for Sam.

“Damn. I guess we really are getting hammered.”

“Damn straight, Baby.”

“What’s all that?”

“Some new clothes and toys. Don’t worry I got you guys some stuff too.” He gives me a surprised look and we make our way in to the main hall. Dean stops in the kitchen to drop off the drinks. I slip back to my room to put away all my goodies. I take the buckle blades with me when I head back to the kitchen

Sam had already grabbed a beer and Dean is checking out my take on the good stuff.

“What is this? Looks fancy?”

“it’s disaronno. Its amaretto. Real sweet. Goes perfect with cranberry juice. It’s one of those “sneaks up on ya” kind of drinks.”

“fancy.”

“thanks for the beer run, Kate.” Sam waves to me and I toss him his buckle.

“And for you.” I toss Dean his. “and for me.” I fiddle with mine as the boys look theirs over.

“you got us belt buckles?” dean seems a bit confused and I chuckle.

“They are blades. For all the times you end up tied up.” I flip open the knife on mine and the both open theirs and nod in appreciation.

“Awesome! Thanks, Kate!” Sam stands and pulls me in to a gentle hug. I hesitantly hug him back. We are hugging now?

“yea, thanks babe.” I need a drink. 

“Anytime.” I move to the counter and grab my bat cup from the cabinet. It’s one of those plastic cups with a built-in straw. It has batman on it. Bat-cup. Anyway, I mix my first drink and make it a bit stronger than normal. I quickly drink half of it and set the cup down.

The ring clinks against the counter and it catches the boy’s attention.

“hey, where did you get that?” Dean asks as he steps up beside me.

“I got it today along with a few other bits of jewelry.”

“It looks just like my old one. I lost it a while back during the apocalypse”

“that is just the most normal thing to say ever.”

“I know, right?”

“I saw that ring in some pictures of you. When I saw this one I thought you might want it.” I am suddenly nervous again and I finish my drink and reach for the bottle again.

“You noticed something like that?”

“uh… yea. I have this thing about details.” I slide off the ring and hand it to him before I finish making my drink.

“Thanks… this is really cool.” He gives me a soft smile and all of the sudden I want nothing more than to retreat to my room. I shift uncomfortably and sip my second drink.

“Hey, so what’s the plan? Just sit here and get drunk?” Sam brings the attention away from me and I feel a bit better.

“I thought we could watch some movies or something? Set up one of the spare bedrooms as a living room. Put a bed along the wall so it’s more of a couch.”

“That’s a good Idea. Dean, come on. Let’s go set up.” Dean gives him a small nod and looks back at me concerned. They head down the hall and once out of earshot I let out a long sigh. Thanks Sam. Like I said before, kid knows when to fuck off.

I sit at the table and sip my drink. It’s kind of funny how random my anxiety is. I get so nervous for no reason sometimes. The man I sleep with shows me gratitude for a present and I immediately feel awkward enough to want to flee. Ugh. Why am I so crazy? When I finally calm myself I head back to my room to change. I put on a pair of shorts and a tank top. I keep my new ring and necklace on. The pendant hangs perfectly and it makes me feel a bit more confident.

I grab one of my big blankets and a few extra pillows before setting off to find the boys.  
It doesn’t take long to follow the sound of the boys moving furniture. I poke my head in and dean is flopped on the bed while Sam pushes the TV in to place. I toss the pillows at Dean then hop up next to him.

“I got us some comfy stuff.” I place my drink on a table nearby and before I can turn back Dean grabs me and pins me in the pillows.

“Dean, come on, Spare me the peep show?” I laugh and he reluctantly sits up.

“Fine but I’m telling you it’s going to happen.” I blush and set the pillows against the wall so we can sit up. I get comfy in the middle and return to sipping my drink. I should have brought the drinks in here.

“Go grab the booze you big pervert.” Sam tells Dean who childishly mocks him on the way out. “You ok?”

“yea. Thanks for the diversion.”

“anytime. I know this is all new for you.”

“I don't think Dean understands how weird this is for me. He thinks it's something he can fix. Honestly, it should be, with the way I feel about him. But it's not. Or at least not yet.” Sam has finished the set up and sits down beside me.

“he really isn't good with signals and subtle changes. He is more of a do whatever comes to mind kind of guy.”

“I know. I just don't want him to think I don't care for him. I get standoffish and awkward sometimes, especially now that I'm not always acting anymore.” Sam sighs and puts an arm around me.

“don’t worry. He is just as confused as you are. Don't let his cocky attitude fool you. Just relax and let's get drunk.” I smile and lean in to Sam. I never realized how big he really is. I mean Dean is big and I feel small in his arms but Sam makes me feel like a child. It offers a strange sense of security.

“thanks Sammy.” He looks down at me in utter shock. I have never once called him Sammy before. It was always Sam. His shock fades to a smile and he hugs me again. I guess I really am a Winchester now.

“dude. Hands off the girl.” We both jump when dean's voice catches us off guard. He releases me with a smile that I can't help but return. Dean lays out our drinks and pours his own before sitting beside me and possessively pulling me in. I give him a quick kiss and snuggle up to him.

Sammy has the controller. He hooked up my Xbox so we could watch Netflix. He starts to scan through movies and shows to find something we will all like. Dean is twirling a strand of my hair around his finger as he sips his drink. My thoughts wonder a bit and I find myself thinking on what Dean said. “Hands off the girl.” What does he think of me as? Do we have titles now? Do we need them? I'm curious now. Do I call him my boyfriend? That sounds so juvenile. Is this really what I should be thinking of when Sam could be picking a terrible chick flick? 

I look over and thankfully he is surfing through thrillers.

“What are you guys in the mood to watch" he asks us over his shoulder

“I like horror mostly.”

“You don't get enough in real life?” I laugh.

“at least the monsters are fake in these.”

“I don't care. You guys pick.” Dean pulls me close and growls in my ear. “I won't be paying it much attention anyway.” I blush and swat away his hand as it slides up my thigh.

“you are such a perv, Dean.” Sam sighs and shakes his head.

“the B rated flicks are the best. Always hilarious.” Sam laughs and nods in agreement.

Eventually we decide on an old B rated horror movie about ghost sharks. It is hilariously terrible. With how drunk we all are half way through, everything is funny. I am stretched out across the boys. My legs over Sam and my head in dean's lap. I haven't felt so comfortable in ages. Sam has one hand on my leg and is running it up and down my skin from my ankle to my knee. Dean is fiddling with my hair and I am lost in the comfort of the only 2 friends I really have.

It sparks an odd fantasy and I just giggle and decide to keep that bit to myself. I’ll tell Sam about it the next time I see her. What? Have you seen these men? Don't even lie to yourself. You would kill for that shit. Anyways. We are all drunk and I decide to do some fishing. I am still curious from earlier.

“Dean?” I look up at him and he gives me a smile.

“yea, Babe?”

“I know we haven’t really talked about it but what do you consider me to be to you?” He kind of chuckles and places a hand on my cheek. He leans down to me and kisses me on the nose.

“Mine. And I am yours, if you want me to be.” I smile and pull him down in to a kiss that I am sure is uncomfortable.

“I like that.” I snuggle in to him and he laces his fingers with mine. “Mine…” I say with a quiet sense of acceptance. He caresses my face and we go back to watching the movie. 

2 movies later the boys are passed out and I'm watching something about a telepathic killer tire. Sam has his arms wrapped around my hips with his head on my stomach. Dean is sprawled out above me and I have my head on his chest. He has one of my hands locked in his and I have a drunken grin as I enjoy the entire situation. 

I didn't plan on the night ending this way but I do not mind. It is almost like we are just a bunch of normal people for a little while. I wish I could give them more moments like this. I surrender to my fatigue and pull the blanket over us as carefully as I can without waking the boys or suffocating Sam.

 

Dean wakes me softly and I'm only suffering a small headache and the worst dry mouth ever. I whine and mumble at him throwing my arm over my eyes. I hear Sam groan and feel him tighten his grip around me.

“hey. Baby. Wake up.”

“Unnnngggg. Dean… sleep.”

“my brother is attached to your hips.”

“What?” I look down and Sam is still snuggled up to me. “oh. Just let him sleep. Let me sleep. Come back to bed.”

“he is all over you.” I can sense his irritation.

“Baby. He is passed out drunk. It's not like he is molesting me. Please. Just cuddle with me.” He has a slightly pissed off look but when I pout at him he relented.

“Fine but next time he gets his own girl to fall asleep on.” He grumbles as I lay back down on him. I grab his hand and kiss it softly. We spend a few more hours sleeping until Sam wakes up.

“ugh. My head…” he rubbed his eyes and jumped as soon as he realized where he was. “oh shit! I'm sorry Kate.!” He sits up and his movements wake us.

“yea. Dick. Curling up on my girl.” Or he was already awake. I mumble an unintelligible response and blindly feel for his face so I can cover his mouth.

“it's ok Sam. You make a decent blanket.” Dean huffs in to my hand. Now that I can move I roll over and wrap myself around Dean and he calms considerably.

“Heh… yea. I'm going to take a shower. I'll make breakfast after.” Sam quickly makes his exit and I feel Dean relax.

“why were you so tense?”

“I don't like other dudes laying on you.” His response is to serious.

“Dean. It was Sam. I only have 3 friends. And I only sleep with one of them… now. But anyway. He is your brother and my friend. Don't worry.”

“now?”

“me and my Sam were not always… just friends.”

“… hot.” I slap him on the chest.

“Really?! I'm going to take a shower.” I squirm out of his arms and plant my feet on the floor.

“aww come on! You can't leave me hanging! I NEED details!” I had already walked out shaking my head as he yelled after me.

Sam made a pretty awesome breakfast. We were all pretty relaxed and a little hung over. There were no cases that were really jumping out at us and it seemed like we actually had some down time. We were all a little lost to be honest. It has been a while since we didn't have to stop something from falling apart. 

Dean ended up in the garage working on baby while Sam was buried in his lap top. I decided it was a good time to work on the piece of driftwood I saved from the lake. I headed outside and found a decent tree to climb. Once I was about 15 feet up I got comfortable and pulled out one of my small knives.

As I began carving I couldn't help but think back to all the time I use to spend in trees. It was kind of my thing. I love heights. I have ended up drunk in a tree more than once. 

As I continued to shape the piece my mind shifts to the situation at hand. Am I ready for this? Am I ready for the inevitable crash? We are who we are. We have both lived a cursed life. Can we actually be happy together without everything falling apart? 

Maybe I should ask Sam. He seems to be the one I confide in lately. That is another thing. Why do I suddenly trust Sam with the inner most secrets I have about how I feel about Dean? They are brothers. Why would I think that he wouldn't tell Dean? Maybe I actually want him to.

Aggghhhh! This is too much inner turmoil. I pull out my phone and turn on my music. I sit it on a branch and continue my work. As I hum along to a country song time seems to slip away faster. By the time I finish my carving the sun is setting and my phone is buzzing. I answer as I slip the small figure in to my pocket.

“hello?”

“where are you?”

“outside.”

“where? I looked all over the bunker for you.”

“Above the bunker. Come out here.”

“uh, ok.” He hangs up and I decide it's a good time to scare him. I turn off my music and set my phone to silent. 

A few minutes later I see him approaching and I go in to stealth mode as he gets closer.

“Kate?... Where is that woman?” he is only a few feet away and I watch him silently. “if she ran off again… hell I don't know how much more I can take…” what? That hurts. He pulls out his phone to call me again but I am too angry to finish the rest of my silly plan. Now who didn't trust who? I poured my heart out to him and promised him I wouldn't run from him. Really? Fucking really?

I drop out of the tree behind him and it's hard not to let the anger register on my face.

“there you are. We're you up in the tree?” his smile is met with my flat expression.

“Yea. I'm going inside. I forgot I had something to do.” I turn and run off before he can reply. I'm seething. Really? Are you serious? He Fucking knows. He knows all this shit was hard for me. I full on growl as I head to the garage. What a dick. I knew this was Fucking stupid.

I make it to Sheila and pop the hood. I throw off my jacket and wince a little when it tugs on the bullet wound. It's healing well but still a bit tender. I grab a rag and check the fluid as my mind races. She could use an oil change. I grab the Drain pan and a wrench and slide under her on the creeper. I just pop the drain plug when I hear footsteps. It only makes me angrier. I stay under the car and watch the oil drain. I don't want to see him right now.

“Kate?”

“What?!” I snap back and sigh. This is why I walked away. I am too angry to talk.

“You ok?”

“I am fine, Dean.” My tone is a bit more even this time.

“you want a hand?”

“no.” I keep my answers short. Less likely to yell that way.

“uh… are you mad?” my wrench clatters to the garage floor.

“Dean. I walked away for a reason. I am upset. I don't want to talk to you right now because I don't want to yell at you. Leave it alone.” I'm surprised at my own control. I put the drain plug back in and slide out from under Sheila.

“oh. Um… ok. I'll just… be in my room then. Whenever you wanna talk.” it's almost comical to see him so flustered. He turns and walks out quietly as I grab the oil to fill Sheila back up.

A few minutes later I hear footsteps again and I clench my teeth.

“DEAN I SAID— “

“Dean, I found a--" Sam and I speak at the same time and stop to stare awkwardly at each other. We apologize over each other and stop to laugh at the situation.

“Sam, I'm sorry. I thought you were Dean.”

“I thought you were Dean. You ok? You sounded pretty pissed.”

“Yea… I heard something I wish I hadn't. Dean is in his room if you need him.”

“I found a case. What did you hear?” I sigh and rest my head on my arm as I lean over Sheila.

“I heard Dean say something when he didn't know where I was. I… UGGGGHHHHHHHH!” he chuckles and puts a hand on my shoulder.

“spill. I know that sound.” I look up at him defeated and whine. He takes my arm and pulls me over to one of the low tool boxes. We sit down and I put my head in my hands.

“he said he didn't know how much more he could take if I had run off again… I promised him I wouldn't run from him anymore. I spilled my guts to this kid. Bared my Fucking soul… and he didn't believe me…” I can feel my anger fade and the sadness take over.

“You know he cares about you. You know how long it took you to trust him. It's not that he didn't believe you per say, he is just afraid to lose you.”

“Fucking hell. I just don't know how to handle this shit. I'm surprised I didn’t flatten him then and there. It just took me so much to give him all I have and it felt like he just tossed it aside.”

“Just take some time. Just breathe and let yourself work out how you feel. I know you guys moved kind of fast plus you live on top of each other. Take a night to yourself. You will feel better in the morning. “thank you doctor Sam. Kid is my Fucking psychiatrist.

“You are right. Thanks Sam. Oh yea, the case?”

“Right. It's in Indiana. Sounds like a ghost or maybe a poltergeist. The family claims that some serious spirit activity is going down. “

“Good. I need another hunt. One that I don't Fuck up royally.”

“Kate, stop being so hard on yourself. Dean and I both got captured by the last siren. If not for Bobby we would have killed each other.”

“Old habits die hard. Ok. I'm going to finish up here then head to bed.”

“Good plan. I'll see you in the morning.”

“goodnight Sam.”

“night Kate.” I top off Sheila and head to the bathroom to wash up.

When I hit my bed, I feel my fatigue hit me like a truck. It's odd not having Dean beside me but Sam is right. I need some time to myself. When I strip down I find my little trinket in my pocket. I pull it out and turn it over in my hands. I made a small heart with wings carved in the back. I know it's childish and girly but… I felt good. I was happy. I don't know. I toss it over in to my night stand and bury my face in my pillows, letting sleep consume me.

I'm startled awake and back hand the intruder that I felt creeping by me.

“ow! Shit! What was that for?!” Dean holds his face and looks at me hurt.

“Jesus. Dean. I'm sorry. What are you doing here?”

“I wanted to see you.”

“Dean… go to bed.”

“Kate… I can't sleep without you.” He gives me puppy dog eyes but he seems genuine.

“Dean… Fucking hell. Come here.” I open my arms to him and he hugs me tight crawling in to bed with me. He almost seems scared. He clings to me and I can't help but wrap my arms around him.

“I'm sorry.”

“For sneaking in and scaring me?”

“for whatever I did to piss you off”

“shut up.”

“Please. I can't stand that you are mad at me. When you didn't come to see me I tried to just go to bed but I couldn't. I can't sleep without you in my arms. I can't lose you.” His words choke me up and I bury my face in his chest.

“You are not going to. I just wish you believed me when I promised you.”

“what? I did believe you. I do. Why would you think otherwise?”

“What you said when we were outside and you didn't know I was in the tree… You didn't know how much more you could take if I had run off again…”

“Fuck. Baby, I didn't mean it like that. I'm just… paranoid. I don't want to lose you.”

“I know I haven't given you much reason to trust me with all that I have done, but I would never lie to you. I poured my soul out to you Dean. That is not something I would do if I wanted to run from you.” He pulls back just enough to look me in the eye and gives me a sad smile.

“I’m sorry. I didn't mean to make you feel like that. I do trust you. I know how difficult it was for you to open up to me and I am so glad you did. You have become…” he presses his forehead to mine. “so important to me. I am terrified to lose you.” I put a hand on his face and kiss him softly.

“maybe you shouldn't shoot me anymore then.” He smiles and kisses me back.

“I'll make an effort.”

“Dean… you are amazing.” He takes my lips once more and his kiss is soft, tender. Oh no. I love him. I am completely head over heels in love with him. Fuck.

He tangles me in his arms and I place a small kiss on his chest like I always do. I am afraid to think positively about this. I'm in serious trouble now.

The next day is spent traveling. To Dean's great dismay I insist on taking Sheila. I don't want to be without her again. I added the silver and iron sword to the arsenal in my trunk as well. May come in handy if it is a ghost. It's only about 11 hours, and we make good time so it's only around 3p.m. When we get to town.

We pull our usual thing and get the details from the police first. Looks like there was a death on the outskirts of town. Car rolled in to a ditch. no signs of an obstruction, no booze or drugs. Seems off. That along with a local family’s claims of a haunting make this feel like our kind of thing.

We split up. I take Sheila and head to the family while the boys check out the wreck.

When I pull up to the house I get the feeling that I am not supposed to be here. I step up to the door and knock. A young woman answers the door. She looks like she hasn't slept in days. I introduce myself as a paranormal investigator who found her story and wanted to help. She invites me in and is all too happy that I've come.

“what has been going on?”

“It's… just awful. My husband, daughter and I all sleep in the living room for safety. There are angry footsteps, screaming, banging on the walls, claw marks. It's all insane. I never believed in this stuff before.” She looks terrified and the stress is all over her face. She takes my hand and her fingers feel frail. “please help us. I can't take much more.” I give her a sad smile and squeeze her hand.

“We are going to help you. My friends and I will figure this out for you.”

She is so grateful. She grants me run off the house and I start to explore. EMF is off the charts. The entire house reeks of ghost activity. These people are in danger. The most unnerving is the woman's bedroom. “GET OUT!” clawed in to the wall. Well, shit. Time to regroup with the boys.

We meet back up at our hotel and share our findings.

“it's weird. It’s like the entire town is full of EMF. This is either a mega ton of spirits trapped here or one extremely pissed off and powerful one.” Sam says as even now his EMF meter is freaking out.

“that family is seriously fucked. We have to help them. What about the crash?”

“seems like it's a trend. Happens around town every few years going back to when horses were tossing people in to trees. This is something old and angry.”

“the haunting is new though. From what I dug up, that plot was empty for a long time. That house is the first thing to be built there in centuries.” Dean adds as we hash out our plan.

“what was there before?”

” there are no record of anything being there before. Let's ask around town. See if we can't find out what's going on.”

“I told the family to leave the house and stay in a hotel until we are done. Something wanted them out and I didn't want them there.”

“Good call. It's kind of late to go asking around and that's all we got. Let's get some rest and pick it up in the morning.” Sam agrees and we retire to our rooms.

I sit down on our bed and sigh. That poor woman. I rub my eyes and put my head in my hands.

“what's wrong?” Dean sits beside me and runs his hand down my back.

“I was just thinking about that family. The wife, Jessica, she looked so drained. So terrified. I just felt for her.”

“We will figure it out… hey… can I ask you something?” I look up at him and he has that scared look on his face again. I heave out a sigh.

“Yea?”

“Sammy told me you have a brother. Do you have any other family still hanging around?”

“Maybe. Like I told him, I haven't seen any of them in years. I didn't grow up thinking the way you boys do. My Family… was more a burden. My brother and I were never friends. We weren't even civil until he had a kid. My mom… well she is not a topic I would like to breach but she could be hanging around somewhere… why the interest?”

“you always try to help families. Save them. Even help them stay together after whatever shit we save them from… but you. You don't want anything to do with yours.”

“My real family is dead. Sam is what is left of a life I never want to remember. Her and my father were the only good people. They were the ones who were there for me. The others… they were just debris. I didn't grow up hunting monsters Dean. I grew up fighting people. And let me tell you, people may not hurt you like a bullet or a knife, they hurt you far worse. They make you hollow and bitter. Angry and terrified. Alone. Alone when you’re in a crowded room. People are the worst kind of monsters.” I sound bitter and angry. I am. There is nothing but rage and anguish in my past. I have no idea why he insistently prods at it.

“Kate… I'm sorry. I know how you feel…”

“Do you? Do you know what it feels like to walk around with nothing inside? Do you know how it feels to be truly alone? How it feels to look in the mirror and hate everything you see?” I stand and wrap my arms around myself staring angrily at the wall.

“I do. Kate… I've been to hell. I have literally died. I was stuck in purgatory. You are not alone anymore. You don't have to fight like you are.”

“Then tell me… have you ever needed to bleed to know you were alive?” my voice is shaky and that one stops him in his tracks. I squeeze my left shoulder where a tattoo covers up my scars. “tell me… do you know what that's like?” he is standing behind me and I am trying not to cry. Out of anger or anything else.

“no. I don't. Kate. You should never have either. I'm sorry. I know you have been betrayed and hurt. I won't do that.” I hate how he reads me. He puts his arms around me and I close my eyes tight.

“I am trying to move on. Dean please. I don't want to talk about it anymore.” He turns me in his arms and I immediately wrap my arms around him. 

“Ok. I won't ask anymore. I'm sorry. Come here.” He pulls me to the bed and we curl up together. He didn't say much. He brushed my hair back and hums a Kansas song. It hurts in a different way. I love him. He is so good to me it hurts. It hurts because I can already see myself losing him. I can see him leaving me because I screwed up, or because I'm not good enough. I know it is just my imagination but it feels real. The more I love him the more this will hurt in the end.

The next morning, we split up again each of us asking around a different part of town.  
It was not a large place so it wasn’t going to take us long. I ended up in what looked like a museum but it was in someone's home. After asking around everyone pointed me here. Inside I found an older woman and her daughter. The walls were littered with photographs and all sorts of trinkets displayed.

“hello miss. Welcome to our home.” The old woman graciously greets me. She seems so kind. Her daughter smiles and nods at me.

“Hello. I was told you were the one to ask about the stories in this town.”

“oh yes! I have always loved stories. My family has taken great care in preserving the history here. Even the parts they want to forget.”

“Parts they want to forget? Like what?”

“oh this town wants to forget but long ago the people did something terrible.”

“mother, she doesn’t want to hear that one…” her daughter eyes me nervously.

“Actually, I am quite interested. If you would be so kind, I would love to hear the rest.” The older woman is over joyed. She steps up to me and takes my hands.

“Oh wonderful! Come sit with me!” I follow her to a small couch and she sits me down beside her.

“A very long time ago, when the town was still young and in the time of witches and fear. This town murdered an innocent girl. They thought her a witch. The poor girl. They quartered her and buried her body parts around the outskirts of town. They thought she would come back if she was left whole. They burned her home. Exiled her family.”

“How awful. Do you know where her house was?”

“oh yes. It was empty for many years. Barren. Not even plants would grow. Some fool built a house on it in recent years. Families never live there long.”

“did they mark her graves?”

“yes. With black iron crosses. They thought they would keep her away. But she never left. Her spirit haunts this town. And deservedly so.”

“Mother, please. That is just superstition.”

“Thank you ma’am. You have been incredibly helpful.” I smile at the old woman and shake her hand before I beat a hasty retreat. As soon as I step outside I'm calling Dean. I update him on the story and he asks me to pick him up. Sam has the impala. He tells me he will update Sam and I quickly head to his location.

“so it is definitely a pissed off spirit. The house is built on top of her old home. And since they spread her body parts she can travel anywhere she wants around town. But why the crashes?” I ask as Dean and I stand beside Sheila waiting for Sam to arrive.

“Well you said they quartered her. Maybe they used carriage horses and she kept a grudge.”

“I guess that makes sense. Either way we need to salt and burn her.”

“5 graves. Awesome. I just love digging up graves.”

“They might be small?”

“Ugh. Once Sam gets here we can split up and see if we can find any of them. We will go north; he can go south.”

“Why don't you call Sam and tell him that now? Then we can just head out. It's getting dark and it's going to be hard enough finding a black iron cross in the woods.”

“I… ok. By the way, I'm driving.”

“what? It's my car!”

“I let you drive baby.”

“But… fine. JUST BE CAREFUL!” I grumble at him. As annoying as he can be sometimes, I like when we hunt. We are back to our old selves. No romance in the way, no insufferable internal conflict. I love it.

Dean finished his call with Sam and we slide in to Sheila. I am getting more acquainted with the passenger side. I find it odd but trusting Dean more is the only way to keep whatever it is we have.

We head to the outskirts of town. We are traveling along a long winding road as night falls. This is going to take a while. We think we have a vague idea of where the graves might be but it's literally a shot in the dark.

I hadn't noticed before but Dean is speeding up. I look over at him as I hear the brake petal thunk uselessly to the floor. Oh, shit.

“that's not me!” Dean yells as Sheila continues to speed up. I cling to my seat and I have one hand grasping on to dean's thigh. We are going too fast. No matter what we hit we are fucked. Dean fights the wheel trying to keep us on the road but it jerks.

“Dean…” is all I can manage before we roll. The sound of twisting metal and shattered glass rips through my ears. I can feel my body slam against the walls of a place I called home. I'm… afraid. I don't want to die. I want to protect Dean. I want to be with him. He is my reason. I, for once in 13 years, don't want to die.

It only took dying to figure it out.

When I come to I can smell oil and gas. I am sore all over and I can feel the blood dripping off my fingers and the lashes of my left eye. I'm pretty fucked up but I can move. I struggle to open my eyes and gain focus.

“Dean?” I choke out his name and feel around for him. “Dean!” I'm panicking. My own pain fades and fear takes over. Where is he? Sheila is on her roof and I crawl through the broken glass and out the twisted metal hole where the windshield once was. 

Dragging myself out on to the grass, I try to stand. There is a large gash on my leg and that's not happening. I scramble the best I can around the side of the car, and when I do I feel my heart and stomach drop.

Dean is lying unconscious by the rear bumper. I can see blood dropping off his brow. I scramble over to him place a hand on his cheek.

“Dean? Dean, baby? Can you hear me?” he didn't make a sound. I frantically feel for my phone and rip it from my pocket. I call 911. I can't think of anything else to do. I frantically tell the operator where we are and that my boyfriend is badly injured. I leave out our names. I'm freaking out to badly to remember the ones we used here. Once she tells me the ambulance is on the way I drop my phone and move back to Dean. I cradle his head in my lap and hope to whatever is out there that he is ok.

I must have passed out because I woke up in a hospital bed. My immediate reaction is to sit up. It yanked on the iv and I angrily rip it out. I stand up and immediately crumple. I grit my teeth and pull myself up. I have a decent stance and I pull myself along the wall to the door. I have to find Dean.

JUST as I push open the stupid heavy door Sam catches me as I stumble forward.

“Kate?! You need rest. What are you doing?”

“Where is Dean?” I grit my teeth through the amounting pain.

“He is ok. Just down the hall. He has a pretty good hit to the head and a puncture wound to the chest. It missed everything important. He is ok. Now sit down.” Sam scoops me up and sits me down on the bed in my room. The bandage on my leg is dripping blood down my foot.

“I… I didn’t know what to do Sam. Dean was bleeding and he wouldn't wake up.”

“it's ok. You are both ok.”

“Oh god. Sheila is destroyed. My weapons… Fuck me.

“You don't remember calling me, do you?”

“I called you?”

“Yea. You managed to tell me where you crashed. I made sure the trunk was sealed after you had both left in the ambulance. We will get her back to the bunker.”

“Fuck Sam. Is he really ok?”

“yes. He was out cold last time I checked. Now let me change that bandage. You are always getting hurt.”

“I am sorry Sam.” He knows it's not about the wound or my consumption of first aid supplies but about Dean.

“it wasn't your fault. You care about Dean just as much as I do. You would never mean for something like this to happen.” I let out a long sigh as Sam changes my bandage. It looks gnarly but shouldn’t take more than a week for me to be able to walk normally again.

“I want to see him…” Sam looks up at me with a sad smile. I must look pathetic. Bandages on my forehead, arms and legs. Ugh.

“I’ll take you after this, ok?” I nod silently and watch as the gauze swallows up my blood. Sam offers to get a wheel chair but I snort in disgust. 

“Just help me hop there.” He sees my stubborn look and sighs. He just picks me up in his arms and endures the odd looks as he carries me down the hall.

Dean Has a large bandage on his forehead. The blood has been washed away and his face is clean. I let out a sigh of relief as the monitors beep along with his steady heartbeat. I have to stop myself from sobbing out of pure joy. Sam sits me in the chair and pushed it up to the edge of his bed. I gently take his hand and kiss his cut-up fingers. 

“Dean. You scared the hell out of me.” I whisper as I lean my arms on the bed. It didn't take long for me to fall asleep beside him. 

I wake to a soft touch brushing my hair back.

“Kate.” He hums my name and that sound is the only one I ever need to hear. I look up at him and bite my lip to stop the happy tears.

“Dean… I can't… I—I just" he hushed me and laced his fingers with mine.

“it's ok. Are you ok?”

“heh, yea. Mostly intact…”

“what's wrong?”

“I'll be hopping for a bit but nothing major. I am fine Dean. It was you I was worried about.”

“I've been hurt worse. I'm ok.”

“Shut up… God, Dean. I was Fucking terrified. I thought… I lost you.” My words trail off and I look away from him. He gently turns my face back to him and gives me his pretty boy smile. God Damn, do I love this man.

“It will take more than a car wreck to get rid of me, baby. Speaking of which. We have to get Sheila.”

“I think Sam is handling it. I'm not sure where he went. He was here a little while ago.” Suddenly a nurse burst in and gives me an angry look. “who the Fuck are you?”

“your nurse! You need to get back to your room! You shouldn't be up and around.”

“sorry lady, but I'm not moving.” She stares at me angrily and my stern look burns holes in her. She growls and walks out. A minute later she returns with the iv machine that I had ripped off me.

“you at least need this.” She gives me a pissy look as I let her put the needle back in my arm. I sigh and let my right arm hang to my side.

“I hate spirits.” I grumble after she walks out the door. Dean's phone rings from a drawer close by and I answer it. “hello?”

“Kate? Ok good. I've got 3 down. I'm searching for the last 2 now.”

“What? You went on your own?!” my outrage immediately fills in Dean.

“you were both on the bench. We have to finish this.”

“Fuck Sam. Be careful. She isn't Fucking around.”

“neither are we. I salted the car. Dean is going to be pissed. But it's still day light and there is only 2 left. I can finish this.” Dean takes the phone from me.

“Be careful you big moose. And don't Fuck up my car!” There is more in his words than he lets on. His love for Sam and how worried he is. How he wants to jump out of this bed and help his brother.

I can relate. We feel the same way about our Sam's. (Well mine has a bit of sexual stuff but you know what I mean) Dean tries to sit up and test his strength. He didn't get far before his head demand he lay back down. I squeeze his hand and give him an empathetic look. We both want to be out there right now. this is risky for Sam to do on his own. 

“Let’s get out of here.”

“Dean, I can’t walk right and you can barely sit up.”

“we can do it. Just lean on me.” 

“They cut up my jeans…”

“I’ll find you something. I can’t sit here while Sam is out there,” He sits up straining and swings his legs off the bed. He shakes off the blurred vision and tries to stand. He leans on the side table for a minute but gets his bearings. Ripping off the IV and turning off his machine he looks for his clothes.

Once dressed he steps out in to the hallway. I am nervous. What if he passes out or something? I grit my teeth and grab deans jacket that he left on the bed. I pull it around me and hop up over to the bathroom. Godda be something to wear. 

I hear the door creak open and I freeze.

“Kate?” phew. Its Dean. I hop over to him, using the wall for support.

“Dean.” I reach for him and he takes my hand and steadies me.

“Here. These will have to do.” He hands me some scrub pants along with any of my salvageable clothes. He sits me on the bed so he can help me pull them on. I look ridiculous in scrubs and a leather jacket but we have to go. Dean pulls my arm over his shoulder and helps me walk. We make a b-line for the nearest exit sign and move as fast as our injured bodies would carry us.

Once down the street we stop and call Sam.

“Hey come get us.”

“what? You guys need to rest.”

“we left. You are not doing this on your own.”

“I found one more grave. I am just digging it up now.”

“well hurry up and burn her then come get us. We will find the last one together.”

“you guys suck at healing you know that right?”

“yea, yea. Move it Sammy.” Dean hangs up and sits me down on a bench nearby. “The motel isn’t far from here. I am going to run and get you some real clothes and grab us some weapons. Wait here for me.”

I nod and give him a soft smile. He kisses me on the cheek and walks off towards the motel. Well…. Shit. I am so sore. My leg is screaming at me along with my head. I can only imagine how dean is feeling. I slump back against the bench letting myself actually look hurt. I try my best to look fine in front of Dean but oh man, everything hurts. 

It takes entirely to long for dean to come back and I can feel every cut and bruise screaming. They must have had me on some good pain killers. He hands me one of my outfits and Sam pulls up a minute later. We all hop in to the impala.

“Do you know where the last grave is?”

“I think I have an Idea. Funnily enough, they buried her body parts in a 5-pointed star around town. Either someone was screwing with them or they had no idea.” I’m lying down in the back seat trying to get my fresh clothes on. The shirt was ok. But these jeans are killing me. He would pick the tightest pair.

“well, shit. let’s burn this bitch and get the hell outta dodge. We still have to get Sheila back.” Sam glances in the rear-view mirror and immediately flushes as I struggle to pull my jeans over the bandage on my thigh. Dean gives him a stern look. “Hey, eyes on the road Sammy.”

I let out a grunt as they finally slip over all the wounds and I can button them. I am exhausted. Every part of my body is screaming at me to stop moving.

“Um… right I think one of bobby’s old buddies can help with that. Towing seems to be a great hunter cover. I’ll make some calls once we are done.” Dean looks back at me and I really am trying to look like I am not in utter agony. He gives me a sad smile. UGGGHHHHH FUCKING PITY!! I sit up angrily and try my best to look ok.

“Let’s burn this bitch. She wrecked my fucking car.” I look angrily ahead as Sam speeds up. The boys can feel the straight rage emanating off me and decide its best not to fuck with me and get there as fast as we can.

When we find the rusted cross I kick it over with all the strength left in my cut leg. I would have used the other one but I have to stand somehow. Sam starts digging and makes quick work of the small grave. Its dusk and its suddenly too cold for my liking. I growl and ready the salt shot gun Dean had handed me. The boys felt it too and they try to hurry things along.

Sam puts his foot through the wooden box and rips it open. I can see her. Coming straight for me.

“Come and get me bitch.” I growl and ignore the protests from my leg as I take my stance. She does that fucking ghost thing where they fly at you and scream. I shoot her in the face before she hits me and I grin as she dissolves before me. Sam dumps the salt over her bones as Dean dumps the gasoline.

She comes for them and I step over the grave and blow her away once more. She re appears and grabs on to my throat.

“This is for my car.” I chuckle through the constriction and drop my open lighter in to the grave. She squeezes tight and screams before bursting in to flames.

Dean catches me as I fall to my knees. The blood has seeped through my jeans. I cough and laugh grinning as I feel my pain wash over me again.

“We got her. Haha! We got… he…”

I guess I passed out again. I come to in the back seat of the impala wrapped up in Dean’s arms.

“Hell… What happened? She’s dead dead, right?”

“Yea. You got her baby. Just relax. You passed out again.”

“The family?” 

“you can call them if you want. I wanted to get you home.”

“ok… I’ll call them later.” I curl up on his lap and hug him tight. I am happy he is safe. Everyone is safe. I let out a contented sigh and he kisses the top of my head. I can’t stop the words when they come out but thankfully they are muffled by his shirt. “I love you.”

“What babe?” I have a look of utter shock on my face. Thankfully he can’t see it. I burry my face in his chest and try to think of a way out of this conversation.

“Nothing. I am just tired.” Pleas work, please work, PLEASE WORK.

“it’s ok. It’s been a long day. Get some sleep.” YESSSSS! He pulls me in and lets me get comfy on his chest. Oh, shit. That was close. That was not how I wanted that to go down. Well there really is no denying it now. There is no leaving the bunker, Sammy, or Dean. This is home now. I hug him tight and he squeezes me back. This is the best thing I have had in a very long time. Now I just have to keep it.

Dean takes over driving half way home and I take the time to call the family and tell them they are safe. Jessica cries out of happiness and it makes me smile. I doubt they will stay there but at least they are safe.

Sam is tired and I offer to switch. He says no at first but eventually I insist and he takes the backseat while I sit curled up on the passenger side of the front seat. 5 more hours. Sam is out cold in minutes.

“did Sam figure out a way to get Sheila?”

“Yea. He is going to have them tow it to a local shop. We can take her home from there. I will help you fix her up.”

“Thanks… I can’t believe she got wrecked. After all we have been through a ghost wrecked her.”

“Sorry I couldn’t save her…”

“It was not your fault dean. I burned the bitch whose fault it was. I am just glad you are ok. I can fix Sheila; I can’t bring you back. Well I could but you would be really mad at how I did it.” I give him a small smile and he laughs.

“I would kick your ass.”

“I know; I know… I… I wanted to tell you something…”

“Yea?” He raises a brow and gives me an intrigued look. I drop my eyes to my hands.

“Remember how I told you that I didn’t have a reason?”

“yea…”

“That’s not true anymore…” We sit in silence for a minute. He gives me the time to find my words and I chance a glance at him. He has a look of concern and curiosity. “When Sheila crashed… I thought we were going to die. And I didn’t want to. I wanted to be ok. I wanted you to be ok. And I realized… That I want to live… with you.” My face was bright red. And I was wringing my hands. I couldn’t bring myself to look at him.

I felt the car slow and dean pulled over. I was so scared of how he would react. I closed my eyes tight and before I could try and stumble my way out of the situation his hands were on my face and he kissed me. Like that first time by the lake. Passion exploding around us. I kissed him back like my life depended on it. In some ways, it felt like it did. 

He kissed my forehead and looked me in the eye. Raw emotion in his eyes made me pull him close. He hugged me and kissed me over and over.

“Kate… Thank you. That means more to me than you could ever imagine. I…” he trails off and kisses me again. I feel like we were both screaming how much we loved each other but neither of us had the guts to say it out loud.

“Let’s go home baby.” I give him another warm kiss and curl up against his side with his arm around me as he pulls back on to the road. 

Dean had me glued to his side the whole way home. I can't say it didn't feel good. It is odd for me to feel protected. I am always the protector. I'm not going to stop trying to protect him, I never will. But I can let him protect me sometimes. When it's not too dangerous. 

It's around noon when we get back to the bunker. Sheila is still a few days out. Oh, god. My poor baby. I can't even think about how much work it's going to take to fix her. It's going to be a full rebuild. At least I'll have help. Maybe I'll sit out the next few hunts until I get her back on her feet- er wheels.

All of the ache comes rushing back as soon as I try and step out of the car and I immediately hit my knees. Dean shakes his head and scoops me up off the floor.

“Damn. We are going to have to make the bunker gimp accessible.” I glare angrily at him.

“Oy, Fuck you. I'll be fine in a day or so.” Dean Has no idea about my thing about wheelchairs. I will Fucking claw my way across the country before sitting in one for five seconds. 

“Whatever you say princess.” Ugh. Why? Anyway.

“Just put me down. I can manage.”

“Nope. Where to?” that stubborn fool.

“Dean…” I glare at him but he just smiles at me.

“kitchen, your room, my room?” the last one has a truck load of innuendo attached to it.

“ugh. My room.” I relent and give him my best bitch face. He just laughs and carries me bridal style to my room.

He puts me down gently on the edge of the bed. He kisses me softly and I can't help but smile. 

“alright babe, you go help Sam un pack. I am just going to chill for a bit. Maybe take a shower.” He gives me a stern look.

“you shouldn't walk yet. Just call me when you want to take a shower. I'll come get you.” It’s hard not to be angry with him. I hate being treated like a child or even worse, being pitied. I know he cares and he is just trying to help but I want to kill him when he treats me like this.

“shut up. I'll be fine. Go help Sam!” he frowns and does not move. I grab his face and kiss him hard. He can't help but give in to me and kiss me back. I let his lower lip slide gently out from between my teeth and give him my smolder look. “go.”

“fine. But I'm coming back when we are done.” He growls in my ear and I kiss him on the cheek before he turns to go. 

Freedom. I grab a string back pack and fill it with some light PJ shorts and an oversized long sleeve shirt. I steady myself on my bureau and get ready to hop to the big bathroom with the glorious Victorian style bath tub. 

There is just enough of a lip on the moldings of the wall for me to keep a hold as I move down the hall. I can hear the boys in the main room so I hop as quietly and quickly as I can. It takes me 3 times longer than normal but when I finally make it, it’s totally worth it. There are very few times I have been in a bathtub that covers both my knees and breasts.

My shirt and bra come off with little resistance but my jeans are a nightmare. They sick to the bandage and I have to grit my teeth to stop my hiss. I remove all of my bandages and it's not too bad. The gash on my leg is angry and if I soak with it open it will only bleed more.

As always there is a needle and dental floss in the medicine cabinet. I sit on the tub edge and prop my foot up on the toilet. This is going to suck. I chew on my shirt so I don't make too much noise when I stitch it up. 15 stitches and it's pretty well sealed up. I cover it with antibiotic gel and seal it with liquid skin. Once it dries I turn on the hot water.

I even out the temperature so it's just under too hot. As the water fills the tub I can feel my body relax. It's so good to just soak in the water. I decide that I want bubbles. Why the hell not? I grab some body wash from a close shelf and pour it in right by the faucet. It immediately bubbles up and I lay back enjoying every second of hot water and bubbles. Oh, man. I needed this. It's so nice. The water is up to my nose and blow bubbles under water. I almost choke when I immediately giggle after. I rinse off my face and just lay back and relax for as long as I can. I know Dean will find me soon enough.

About an hour passes of me just soaking up the heat. It is completely glorious and I am 100% going to make Dean do it. He needs to relax by the telltale stomp I hear outside the door.

“Kate? You in there?”

“Yes. Come in.” I left the door unlocked because: 1. I knew this was going to happen. And 2. I knew Sam would never barge in.  
“Hey.” His voice is softer now as he stepped inside the bathroom and closed the door behind him. “I told you to call me. And are you okay with that gash under water?” I lift my leg above the water line and show him my handy work.

“I took care of it. You NEED to do this. I haven’t been so relaxed in… ever.”

“God, you are a butcher.”

“Shut up! My stitches look fine!”

“Sure. Just keep your needles to yourself.”

“Boy… you are lucky this bath feels so good or I would slap you. Either way you are still doing this.”

“That’s girly as hell. Men take showers.”

“If I have to drag you in to this tub with me, I will.” He kneels beside the tub and kisses me on the nose.

“I would like to see you try.” Oh, no, he did not just challenge me.

“Dean fucking Winchester. Strip. Now.” I turn the hot water back on so the cool water drains and the hot water takes over.

“Ooo Bossy.”

“NOW!” He smiles down at me and pulls his shirt off over his head.

“Yes ma’am!” damn straight. If I wasn’t injured, I would have just pulled him in then and there. Little brat. Once his jeans hit the floor I take a moment to admire his body in the light. Oh, that v muscle. I adore him. Sheesh.

“Move forward. I’ll sit behind you.”

“Nope. Remember when I offered you a massage? Time to cash in that rain check.” He shrugs and agrees. As he slips in to the water he lets out a low groan. Told you!

“Damn… This does feel good.” I win. I move my hands to his shoulders and start to slowly kneed the stiff muscles. I pull him back in to me and plant small kisses on his neck. He runs his hands over my legs and hums his appreciation.

“Told you, baby.” I whisper in his ear as I work down his back. He leans forward so I can touch more of him. I press my fingers in to his flesh and they chase away the knots that have been there for too long.

After about 15 minutes he catches my hands and kisses my fingers. I wrap my arms around him and kiss his neck. God, do I love this man. He pulls me forward and with a little awkward maneuvering, he has me locked in his arms in front of him. There is totally a boner in my back but I don’t mind. He hums a soft rock song in my ear and I pull his arms tight around me. I don't think I have ever felt so happy with a man before. He is sweet, romantic, protective. I think he loves me. I know I love him. I can't think of a way to tell him. I am not even sure I should tell him at all yet. All I want to do is stay here forever. Wounds and all. I don't care. I am happy. Fucking miracle happy.

“Baby? What’s wrong?” He wipes a tear from my cheek. When did that happen?

“I am just… happy.” I have no other words to describe my feelings. I turn in his arms and kiss him deeply. I want to say it. I want to tell him.

“I am glad. It is good to see you smile so much.”

“I… Dean, I… care about you so much.” Fucking chicken.

“I know Kate. You are so perfect.” He nuzzles me and kisses my cheek. Damnit. 

Dean Helps me out of the tub and after drying off we head to his room. He attempts to carry me but I have been trying out my pout on him and it seems to be working well. He slings my arm over his shoulder and helps me walk. My leg feels much better since I closed it up. He sits me on his bed and I stretch out long and yawn.

“Damn, you're cute sometimes. It's almost hard to believe you are a killing machine.”

“that may be the best complement I have ever received.”

“I don't know if I should be proud or scared.” He thinks about it for a second then just laughs.

“A little bit of both I suppose.” I lay back on his bed and Damn near take up the whole thing. “we should get pizza. Or big nasty double cheese burgers! OoOo triple cheese burger!”

“I take it you're hungry?”

“Starving!”

“Ok, ok. Let me get dressed and I'll go get us some grub.” I start to protest and say I'm coming too but then I look down at my comfy shirt and shorts and decide changing is too much work. I sit up on the edge of the bed.

“Hey. Come here.” He looks back at me and comes over so he is nose to nose with me. I smile and kiss him. I could kiss him all day. Soft lips, and talented. Oh, this boy. When we part, we are both smiling.

Once he is dressed I slap him on the ass and send him on his way to get food. I decide to stay put, per his request. I get comfy on his bed and pull out my phone. Dean made sure I had it before he left.

Maybe I should call Sam. It has been a while and I did promise to call her. I have her number memorized, just like I do everything about her. I type in the number and stare at it for a moment. She makes me think of a family. If I had a family.

Could Dean and I really do it? Could we have a family? A little girl with red hair and green eyes chasing Dean around the garage. Oh, god. What am I doing? We have only been together a few months. Granted that we have to live in the moment because of the constant risk of death. That's another thing too. What if we had a child then we died? I don't know if I could put a child through what I went through.

I wonder if Dean ever thinks of these things? Ponders on our future. Pictures what our child would look like? This shit is pretty girly. Probably not.

I unlock my phone again and hit call. This is what Sam is for right?

“Hello?”

“Hello love!”

“Kate! How are you?”

“to be honest, the best I've been in a long time.”

“you totally slept with that hot roommate, didn't you?”

“Well… yea. But that's not the main reason.” She laughs at me and I smile. “we have kind of been dating, I guess you could call it.”

“that's great! From the way he mauled your face I could tell he liked you.”

“Yea. Things have changed a lot. We have become a thing… he makes me happy Sam. Happier than I have ever been with a man.”

“Did you tell him yet?”

“That he makes me happy? Yea. He knows.”

“No. That you love him?” I get quiet for a minute. How does she do that? “come on. I can hear it in your voice.”

“no. I haven't. Well I almost did but I chickened out. The life we live really isn't a life where there is room for love.”

“what the hell are you talking about? Where do you guys work? An F.B.I secret organization?”

“Haha… no it's just a dangerous job. Being distracted could get us killed. It's hard to explain.”

“Uhh. What the Fuck. No. No dying. The Fuck are you doing?”

“it's… just forget about that bit. My issue is: I love him. Too much for someone who has only been with him for a few months. I keep having these dreams…”

“You told me that you have lived with them for over a year. Just because you have only been sleeping with him for a few months doesn’t mean that was when you started to fall in love with him.”

“I guess…”

“The dreams? What happens in the dreams?” I roll over and curl up in his pillows. I speak softly just in case Sam is nearby.

“I'm pregnant. For whatever reason, I'm always lost. Stuck in traffic while daddy drives me to the hospital. Or lost at the baby shower while everything is going crazy around me. I don't know Sam. It's kind of freaking me out.”

“Are you pregnant?”

“no! God no. I have an IUD. I didn't want to risk it.”

“Then maybe you just want to be. You always wanted a daughter. You wanted to be as good a parent as your dad was. It's not surprising that now, when you have someone you love, that you are thinking about the future.”

“I just don't know. I know I should tell him how I feel but I just have to be sure first. Sure, he loves me too. Sure, we can make it work.”

“Just let it happen, Kate. If it is meant to be then it will happen. And if it's not… there is always another brother.” I snort and laugh.

“I don't think I could sleep with another Sam.”

“I am pretty hard to beat. I don't know if he could live up to the standards for Sam's that I set with you.”

“Exactly!” we both laugh and I do feel better. “how is everyone at home? How is the baby?”

“Great. I'm going to pop soon. We are all really excited. Even the boys.”

“that's great Sam. I am so glad you ended up happy.”

“you will too Kate. You deserve to be happy. Even if you don't believe you do.” I let out a long sigh and a sad smile crosses my face.

“I love you Sam. I'll call you again soon.”

“I love you too darling.” We hang up and I stare blankly at the ceiling. 

She is right. I don't think I deserve him. But for now, he is mine. All I can do Is love him with all I've got for as long as I've got.

When Dean returns, I am laying across his bed with my head hanging off the edge while I play this zombie killing game on my phone.

“hey! I got us burgers.” I pause the game and sit up quickly.

“Hell yea! You are the best!” he hands me my burger then sits down beside me with his.

We tear in to them. Dean is always hungry so I expected no less. We finish in record time and lay back across his bed.

“Hey, Kate?”

“Yes, love?”

“Do you want to go on a real date?” I sit up and give him a confused look.

“like dinner and a movie?”

“not exactly. Something special. Just us.” I give him a small smile and curl up beside him.

“yea. That sounds really nice. I would love that.” He tightens his arms around me and kisses the top of my head.

“Then tomorrow night. Be ready around 9.”

“where are we going?” he chuckles and squeezes me.

“it's a surprise.” OoOo a chance to torture him for info.

“Oh really?” I slowly move on top of him as sexily as I can. “are you sure you can't tell me?” I slide my hand down his chest slowly and my lips are just far enough away that he can't kiss me.

“Baby. Don't do it. You know what happens when you tease me.”

“Oh I know exactly…” I slip my hand under his waist band and gently drag my nails over his hip. “what happens.” He frowns and rolls us so he is on top. It hurts a bit but I push that down.

“I swear you’re a demon.” He growls in my ear as he hikes my leg up over his hip. I kiss my way up his jaw line and bite his neck.

“you love the things I do to you.” I wrap my legs around him and pull him to me.

“Yes I do.” He kisses up my neck and tries to take my lips but I stop him with one finger.

“Then tell me where were going.”

“Nope.”

“please, baby?” I about moan the words in to his ear and he bucks in to me.

“unnngggg… baby. It's a surprise.” I pout up at him.

“fine. Then I guess I'll just go to bed.”

“what?! Really?!” He tried to get to my face but I had curled up with one of his pillows.

“mhhm. Bed time.”

“Agggghhhh! Demon.” He growls and crumples down beside me.

“if you told me maybe I would wake up…”

“Ugh… is a surprise.” He said sadly and crossed his arms. Damn, he really wants to surprise me. I looked over at his little frown and there was no way I could hold out any longer.

I slide back up on top of him and kissed him. 

“ok. You really are intent on keeping it a secret hu?” He slid his hands up my sides and placed a hand gently on my face.

“I want to do something special for you.” He pulls me down and kissed me softly.

“you are amazing. “I take his lips and kiss him passionately. God Damn I absolutely love him. I would do anything for this man.

Our kiss became heated as he tangled his hands in my hair. We were both hungry for each other, desperate to feel skin on skin. We tore off our clothes in seconds barely breaking our kiss. He rolled us so he was on top once more. He broke our kiss and panted as he presses his forehead against mine.

“I can't put in to words how much I… how much you mean to me…” I gave him a soft look and kissed him on the nose.

“I feel the same way. You mean everything to me. I would do anything for you, follow you anywhere.” He looked down at me with mixed emotions. His eyes were full of just raw emotion. He kissed me again and there was so much passion, pain, emotion. He is everything. I just… I had no words.

He hugged me to his chest and buried his face in my shoulder. I swore I hear him mutter “Damnit" under his breath.

“Dean… make love to me…” my words are quiet and whispered in to his ear. He gives me that vulnerable look again. Like he is bearing his soul to me. I grab his face and kiss him hard. 

From that point on it was an explosion of passion I have no words to describe. We became as close as 2 people could ever become. If I had any doubts left about my feelings for him, they are obliterated now. All of my fears, any tiny glimmer of doubt about him loving me back was gone. This completely imperfectly perfect man loves me. On his special date tomorrow night, I am going to tell him just how much I really care.


	6. Chapter 6

The next morning Sam is way too excited about finding another case. No. Nope. Not doing it. He goes on about some vamp activity in a town about 2 days’ drive away. 

Sam continues with the case details while I sit at the table stirring my tea in to a tiny whirlpool. I'm slouched down in my chair and my head is killing me. I've tuned out the boys as my mind wonders to what life would be like if Dean and I had a happy little family.

It’s odd that my mind keeps coming back to this. My imagination is overactive. Picturing Dean with a little girl who has his eyes, in his arms. I feel like he would be a good dad but God help her when she gets a boyfriend.

I chuckle out loud and by the looks I am getting I assume it was at an inappropriate time in their conversation.

“Are you ok Kate?” Sam asks as concern takes over their faces.

“Yea, yea. Just thought of something funny.”

“Um… ok. Oh, well there has been at least 6 victims so far.” 

“Kate? What's the matter?” Dean presses as he sees my far-off stare.

“Hu? Oh. I'm just tired. Lost in my own head.”

“maybe you should sit this one out.” I wouldn't mind. A break to recover would be nice. I really don't want to go.

“I can't let you go off and almost get killed without me.”

“I think you have had enough almost dying for a few days. You need to heal up. You still can't run. I won’t risk you getting hurt.” I sigh. I don't want to go but that didn't mean I want Dean to go without me.

“what about tonight?” Dean gives me a sad smile.

“we can do it when I get back. I'm sorry.” He kisses my forehead and I smile.

“It's ok hun. Monsters don't care about date night.”

“Just get some rest while we are gone. That way you won't be all injured when I take you out.”

“Ok. I promise not to save the world while you are gone.” He smiles and kisses me softly.

It's not entirely a bad thing to push out date night. This gives me more time to think of a good way to tell him. Plus, I won't have to limp. It's hard to look sexy in heels when you can't walk right. 

Even if it takes the boys only a day to solve the case (which it never does) it is at least a 5-day round trip. That's possibly the longest the boys and I have been separated in the entirety of our time together. Maybe I could do something nice for them? It's not like I can get far at this point. I'll figure it out.

Some time alone wouldn’t be bad. I only ran away 3 times to be alone in the last 3 months.

Once the boys were packed up I met them in the garage. Dean was pouting. I could tell Sam felt a little bad. He had no idea we had planned a date night.

“so I called up Cass. He is going to get Sheila back here once she arrives. You guys can even hang out. I know you haven't seen him in a while.” Sam said as he tossed the last bag in the trunk.

“I always liked him. It will be nice to hang out with someone other than you guys.” I joked and Sam smiled. Dean moved close to me and trapped me between him and baby.

“as long as he keeps his feathery hands to himself.” I smile up at him. Damn he is cute sometimes. I lean up and kiss him.

“I can't promise anything.” He gives me a shocked look but when he sees my smile he knows I'm joking. He gives me a grumpy frown. “Come on Dean. You know I'm not in to the whole feathers thing.”

“Better not be. I'll kick some angel ass.” He kisses me again and I wrap my arms around him, hugging him tight. I don't want him to go. We have been close this whole time. Having him out of reach feels odd.

“I’ll be fine baby. It's you I'm worried about. Be careful. I prefer you alive and without fangs.” Dean pauses and shakes away a memory.

“Haha! Don't worry about me! I'll even kill some of em for you.” We kiss one last time and squeeze each other tight. “I'll see you soon. I'll call when we make it to the motel.”

“Ok. Be careful. See you soon.” He slides in to the impala and I am left starring at the garage door with a sad look.

It already feels different. I let out a loud sigh and slowly make my way back in to the main room. As I look around at the bunker in all its glory, I realize that I am actually alone. My footsteps echo as I head to the library. It's almost eerily quiet.  
I snatch up a book I had left on a chair and look around. I can go anywhere in the bunker. Blast my music or just be stupid loud. I could play video games on the biggest TV we have with the volume cranked. 

Out of all the things I could have done I chose to read, curled up in dean's bed with his favorite cassette playing quietly. He really has changed me. I don't know if it's for the better but I don't really mind. 

It's been 2 days since the boys headed out on the hunt. Dean Has kept me up to speed and they are working the case like always. It's less business and more us being sappy weirdos telling each other how much we miss each other. I am sure Sam has been giving him so much shit for it.

It's been terribly boring. I can only sit in one place for so long before I lose it. Thankfully, Castiel sent me a text. He has Sheila and will be here shortly. Hell, if I know how or why he has a tow truck but whatever. I'm just glad to have my car back and to have a little human… any interaction at all. 

I can walk fine now. It's just a little sore. I decide to take a shower and look human before Castiel arrives. I did just spend the last 2 days in one of dean's shirts and a pair of baggy shorts devouring snacks while laying upside down. The shower feels nice and I take my time combing through my hair. 

I almost grab another one of dean’s shirts but decide against it. I head for my own room for the first time since Dean left. I grab one of my button ups and a pair of jeans. I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror as I finish getting dressed. My hair is falling in soft waves over my shoulder and I look really good. I was never one to think of myself as good looking or even pretty. It catches me off guard that I would even think it just in passing. Usually I just say it to psych myself up. I don't know. It's kind of scary.

My phone buzzes and it snaps me from my thoughts. I snatch it up and I have a text from Castiel. He is waiting for me in the garage. Castiel is the most trusted friend the boys have; from what I have seen. Well, living anyway. I have heard about Bobby and Charlie from Sam. Dean really doesn’t talk much about his feelings. 

Wow. I just realized that I spill my guts to him and he hasn't told me much about him. I should fix that, let him know he can talk to me to. Now I feel really selfish.

My train of thought is broken as I step in to the garage.

“… S-Sheila!?” I wail her name as I run to the twisted ball of metal on the floor. She barely even has the same shape. Every panel is dented and warped, all of the glass is gone. The paint job was shot, nothing salvageable. Even the frame is twisted. This is going to take months to repair.

“Are you alright, Kate?” Castiel asks from behind me as I kneel beside my mangled car. I take a shaky breath before I answer.

“Yes. Hello Castiel. Thank you for bringing her here.”

“Why do you and Dean both refer to your vehicles as if they are people?”

“Because to us, they are.” he answers me with a confused look. I give him a sad smile as I stand and place a hand on the bent metal of the front fender. “Our cars have been through everything with us. They were even our homes at times. They just mean a lot to us.”

“Oh…” he says quietly. I can tell he still doesn’t understand. I smile and turn to face him.

“Do you want something to drink? Or just to sit down and to relax for a while? This all must have been a hassle for you.”

“uh… ok.” He isn't used to me being nice to him. In the past I either said nothing or was very short with him. Have I really become so soft?

“Come with me.” He follows silently as I lead him to the kitchen. He sits at the table and fiddles with a button on his trench coat. He is actually really cute. I smirk as I start making tea. I wonder if I should ask him about Dean. He knows him better than anyone.

“Dean has told me about the change in your relationship.” He says flatly and I almost drop my cup.

“He did? Right. And… your opinion on that?”

“He seems happier. More worried, but happier.”

“He doesn’t have to worry.” I stomp my foot and almost fall over. Leg. Defiantly. NOT. Healed.

“that is why he is worried.” He stands and as I turn to look at him he places 2 fingers on my forehead. A warm wave washes over me. He steadied me with a hand on my shoulder.

“what?”

“I also fixed the cracked jaw. Your shoulder was weak. You should be careful with it. I repaired it but it may give out again.” 

“I… thank you.”

“Dean called me after the car accident. I would have come sooner but I was rather far away.”

“He called you to patch me up?”

“Yes. He worries for you. It makes sense. After Lisa, he would want to keep you safe.”

“Lisa?”

“Lisa was the woman he lived with for the first year after the apocalypse while Sam was hunting with their grandfather without his soul.” He said it so nonchalantly. Like it wasn't a bombshell thing that Dean had never told me. And Sam without a soul? What the hell have I missed?

“Oh… I didn't know all that. Would you mind telling me a bit more about it?”

“I assumed Dean had told you about her. She had a son that Dean was a surrogate father to. They lived quite happily until soulless Sam showed up when a Djinn was hunting Dean. After that Dean went back to hunting with Sam. He continued to see her for a while but once he had been turned in to a vampire they really didn't see each other much. Then Crowley kidnapped them and Dean had me erase him from their lives after he rescued them. I felt terrible it was my fault Sam didn't have a soul. I tried to pull him from the cage but I was over confident and only retrieved his body. If Sam had his soul, he would have never let Dean turn and if I haven't been trying to gain the souls of purgatory with Crowley, Lisa and Ben would have never been taken.” I stood there with my mouth agape in utter shock. 

He had just told me about a huge chunk of the boys lives that neither of them ever told me. Dean had mentioned his attempt at a normal life not ending well but… God, I never imagined all that. And… wait… did he say Dean was a vampire?

“Wait how was he a vampire? He isn't anymore.”

“Samuel, the boys grandfather cured him.” He did it again. How is this NOT a surprise? Had Castiel and the boys really been through enough that none of this is mind blowing anymore?

“W… wow. That is a lot of new information. So, there is a cure for vampirism, Dean was at one point a vampire, and Sam had no soul. Maybe I should read those books…”

“I can acquire them for you if you wish. Dean has forbidden me from reading them but if you would like to I am sure I could find them.”

“Uh... No. Its ok. Hey do you want to go for a walk? I really need some air and I would love to be outside now that I can actually move.”

“Alright.” If only the boys were so agreeable. Castiel is so different from them. He is very clear about what he says. There is a certain honesty that he just exudes. I guess it’s part of being an angel.

He follows me out the main doors and I head towards the tree line. My head is spinning. So much information in seconds. Why wouldn’t he tell me something like that? I want to know more. With the whole Lisa bomb my mind is racing about what else I don’t know. 

But should I ask? Do I even have a right to ask? I feel like I am invading his privacy, but… I notice the silence has grown for too long and Castiel looks a bit awkward. I take my chances.

“Cass… Was Dean happy when he wasn’t hunting?”

“He seemed so, if not a little bored. He cared very much for both Lisa and her son Ben. I think he enjoyed being a father.” I let a sad smile cross my face. He would make a good dad...

“From what he has told you and what you know of me… Do you think someone like me could give him what Lisa did?”

“Well, he seems to care for you as much as he did for her, but you do not have a child. I guess you could conceive one together. I do not think that with both of you being hunters, that you could give up hunting. I feel that it is engrained far too deeply in both of you, especially Dean.” I am blushing bright red when he mentions us having a child. God, could we really? But Castiel is right. We could never stop hunting. When there is people to protect, we will both try to help.

“Did he love her?”

“I never heard him say such. Honestly I don’t think I have ever heard him say it at all.” That’s…sad.

“I feel like… I care for him very much. I just want to help him.”

“You both have the same plan. I am not sure how well it will work when you are both so self-sacrificial. You both put your lives on the line for strangers during every hunt. I can’t imagine what you would do for each other.” That hits me right in the chest.

He is right. We are both so willing to throw our lives away. With us together it is just a race to see which one of us will die for the other first. Can I do this? I know that is where we are headed. Should I end it now and to save him? Could I really walk away knowing what it would do to him? Oh, god. Dean what have we done? 

I bite back my tears and hope that Cass won’t tell Dean. I know he will, but I can hope. Cass places a hand on my shoulder and I stop walking. We are well in to the forest now and yet I have never felt so boxed in.

“I have something else to tell you. I have waited until I thought the time was right. I see you are upset and I think this will help.” I look up at him and those piercing blue eyes can see right through me. “As you know, I am an angel of the lord, so I have access to heaven. When you joined up with the boys I got curious and looked for anyone in your family.”

My eyes well with tears. He can’t… It is too much to hope.

“I found one… I found your father. His heaven is a cabin by a lake with a large garage. He works on cars and goes fishing. You are at his side all the time. It is not you obviously but you are a key part of his heaven… I thought you would want to know.” 

I turn away from him as the tears fall. I let out a small chuckle. Of course, he would be fishing by a lake with a beastly garage. I bet he has bikes too. 

“He is happy? Really happy?”

“I believe so.”

“Thank you Castiel. Thank you so much.” I bite back a sob and look up to the sky. “Can you talk to him?”

“I am not supposed to interfere, But I may be able to give him a note or leave him something that would not stand out.”

“Could you… just tell him That I love him. That I miss him more than he could ever imagine. That I can’t wait to go fishing with him again.” It is hard to fight back the tears and I refuse to turn back to him.

“I will find a way.”

“T-Thank you Cass. You have no idea how much this means to me… Oh and... could you please not tell Dean about this?” He puts his hand gently on my shoulder and squeezes.

“I understand.” I don’t need to say anything more. He walks off back towards the bunker and once I know he is far enough away I crumple to the ground and sob.

For the next 3 days, I bury myself in working on Sheila. I ignore dean's calls and text him every so often making excuses like I was in the shower or sleeping. I don't want to talk about this over the phone. I haven't slept much. 

I have stripped out all the parts that can't be salvaged. It's not as bad as I thought. I'll need parts but I don't feel much like venturing in to the real world right now. I decide to focus on straightening the body panels I can salvage. Straightening metal is time consuming and takes a skilled Hand. I am ok with that.

I strip the paint off the finished panels. Might as well just give her a whole new paint job. My poor Sheila. She needs so much work. I'm sorry I let this happen to you. I've got most of the panels prepped for paint and decide I should probably take a break. I’m only running on a few hours of sleep over the last 3 days. 

I head out to the kitchen and grab a water. I realize I haven't eaten either, but I can't find my appetite to save my life. I walk out the front door and look out over the landscape. Maybe I should leave. The boys were fine without me. It's not like they won't survive. Dean would be hurt but I would rather him be hurt than dead.

It would be… difficult without him, but I've managed before. I knew this was coming the day Dean kissed me at the lake. I knew it would all fall apart. I'm stuck for now beside I won't leave Sheila. 

Sam and Dean will be home in 2 days. He had texted me earlier saying they had finished the case and were leaving tonight. Even if I worked straight through she would never be done in 2 days. God what am I doing?

I love Dean. Can I really leave? Can I walk away and never look back? Even if I did leave, it would destroy me as well as Dean. And if I ever saw him again after that… I need to talk to him. He is getting worried about me since I haven't answered his calls. I don't know if I can dodge them for 2 more days. This is not a conversation I am ready for.

I lay down in the grass and stare up at the blue sky. Then there is Cass. What he told me… he is ok. He is happy. He is safe. I close my eyes and hum a song quietly. At least I have that to hold on to. I take a Deep breath and sigh. My exhaustion catches up with me and it's not long until I fall asleep.

When I wake up its to a beautiful night sky and an ocean of stars. I missed the stars. There have always been 2 things that bring me great peace. That is the ocean and the stars. The most beautiful things in nature always bring me back to myself.

I stay there for a while just enjoying the night air. After an hour or so I head back inside and get back to working on Sheila. Right now, she is all I have to keep my mind occupied.

The next 2 days go by in a blur of tools and naps on the garage floor. I have all the body work just about done. I need to replace all the shot parts and tune her up. After that I'll just have to paint and we should be good.

When the impala pulls in I don't even budge. I'm completely passed out on the creeper. I only stir when Dean places a hand gently on my face.

“Kate… hey. Wake up baby.” I groan and rub my eyes. I finally blink them open and catch his green eyes staring down at me with concern. Just seeing his face brings so much emotion to the surface. I reach out and grab him, hugging him tight.

“Dean… I missed you…” he wraps me in his arms and hugs me tight. He presses a soft kiss in my hair and scoops me up off the creeper.

“I missed you too. Come on baby. Let's go to bed.” I'm thankful that he's tired too. I want to just be with him before the rest of my nonsense emotions Get the better of me. He carries me to his room and sits me down on the edge of the bed.

He pulls off his shirt and I follow suit. Soon we are standing face to face in just our underwear. He softly touches my face and kisses me. It's warm and feels like it's the part of me that has been missing. We crawl in to bed and when he tangled me up in his arms it feels like all is right in the world again. I kiss his chest softly and snuggle in close.

In that moment I realize, that no matter what happens, I don't think I could ever leave him.

I wake to Dean softly caressing my face. He is only inches away. He looks like he’s been up for a while. He looks at me with his soft green eyes and I have to bite back all the things I want to say. He kisses me on the forehead before catching my eyes again.

“What’s wrong?” Is it that obvious?

“I’m just… It’s been a long week.”

“How are you feeling?

“I am fine. Cass fixed me up.”

“Good. Um… why didn’t you answer my calls after he was here?” I look up in to his eyes and the guilt must be written all over my face. He lets out a long sigh. “What did he say?” I cuddle up to him and press a soft kiss to his chest.

“You know you can tell me anything, right? Like… I have poured out my guts to you and I feel really selfish. I never really gave you time to talk.”

“I generally just don’t.”

“I know. But you know that you can if you wanted to, right?”

“Yea. You didn’t answer my question.”

“He… Told me about the stuff that happened right after the apocalypse…”

“ah… So, soulless Sam and all that.”

“Yea… that and about Lisa.” He gets really quiet and the tension that flows through his muscles make me feel like I have crossed some line. Eventually he just heaves out a sigh.

“That was the time I tried to live a normal life. Didn’t work out well. She is better off without me in her life.” He looks up at the roof and I can feel him emotionally pulling away

“I’m sorry.”

“It wasn’t you who fucked up. It was me, with a little help from dick Sam. Did he tell you the vampire bit?”

“Yea.”

“damn angel can’t keep anything to himself.”

“I’m sorry, it isn’t all his fault. I asked once he mentioned Lisa.”

“I guess it’s only fair. I do know a lot about you. Any questions?

“why didn’t you tell me all that happened? I feel like being a Vampire would be your go to story.”

“It’s just the past Kate. It happened. It sucked. I have a lot of memories I wish I couldn’t remember.” He ran his hand over my shoulder and sighed. “Remember when you told me that you didn’t want me to see a certain side of you? That’s what this is for me. This is the reason I was glad you had never read those damn books. I didn’t want you to know that I have been a monster… more than once.”

“more than once?”

“Kate. I just… do you really want to know this?”

“If you want to tell me. You don’t have to.”

“You promise not to leave?”

“What? Yes. You know I wouldn’t leave.”

“You might want to after this…” He sits up beside me and rubs his shoulder. “I have been A demon. The bearer of the mark of Cain, possessed, and worst of all… When I was in hell… I tortured souls. I broke the first seal and started the apocalypse. It was all my fault.” I lace my fingers with his and give him a weak smile.

“You can’t think that was your fault. It was Hell. I am sure that it was agony. No one could endure like that forever.”

“My father did. 80 years. He told the demons to fuck off every day. He endured 80 years of torture. I broke in 30.”

“God… Dean. You spent 30 years fighting. I can’t even imagine. I know you feel like you failed… But you stopped it. You and Sam stopped it. That has to count for something.”

“Not when I started it. So many people are dead because of me. And when I had the mark… I killed innocent people. I killed people. Not monsters. People. And as a demon I tried to kill Sam.” He was frustrated. I could see the waves of tension pulling his shoulders tight and making him clench his jaw.

“Dean. All of these things happened when something else was influencing you. You. The you that wraps me in his arms every night, wouldn’t do those things. You can’t expect to be able to fight divine power. It wasn’t your fault.”

“Kate… It is. It was still my hands. I should have been stronger.”

“Dean. Can you please look at me?” He sighs heavily and looks over at me. His eyes are raw with emotion. “Stop. You are already a hero to so many. You are strong enough. More so than anyone else. You are incredible.”

“No… I aint’ nothing special. I am just another guy.”

“You… You don’t think you deserve to be happy, do you?” He looks down at our intertwined fingers and I see his face fall.

“Kate I have murdered people. I have gotten all of my closest friends killed. My family is dead. Everything I touch dies… Why do you think I am always so worried about you?”

“You don’t have to be. Let me help. You don’t have to do this alone anymore. The world sucks. It is full of disappointment and agony. I know it feels like it’s your fault but some shitty things just happen. I am here Dean. I am not going anywhere. I am with you. I will fight by your side against everything and anything. I will protect you from everything I can. I… “

“You have already fought more than you should have. This life was never meant for you. If I could I would keep you safe from all that is our life I would, But I can’t. And if you die…”

“Then It’s my own damn fault.” I looked him angrily in the eye. “Dean I am not a fragile glass ball that needs to be protected. I am a hunter now. You didn’t bring me in to this life, I chose it. Just like I chose you. If anything happens to me it’s my fault. My choices, my actions that put me there. Not yours.” I place a hand on his cheek and bring his eyes back to me. “I am in this for the long-haul dean. You are just going to have to live with me trying to save you. It’s what I do. And that means that maybe sometimes you can let me help carry the weight of the world that you have put on your shoulders.”

“Kate… I…” He can’t find his words. I give him a sad smile and pull him in to my arms. He pulls me in tight. His strong arms trap me against him.

“I… Dean…” I sigh deeply and find a new way to dance around what I really want to say. “Did you love her?” 

“What?”

“Did you love Lisa?”

“Kate… why?”

“just answer.”

“I have only ever said I love you to my mother… And she wasn’t even real. It was during one of our trips to heaven. And… every time someone has said that to me… it was to manipulate me. Those words are… tainted for me.”

“Dean… that is so sad. I'm sorry. I just wish I could find words to tell you how… incredible you are. You are just…” I can't find the words. I just grab him and kiss him hard. With everything I have. 

“how did I ever luck in to you?”

“You? God, Dean. Do you know who I am? I am the lucky one.”

“Kate… baby… you mean everything to me. I don't know who I would be without you. You have changed me for the better in so many ways. I want to be with you. I always want you at my side…” he presses His forehead to mine. I run my fingers over his shoulder and they come to rest at the nape of his neck.

“You are going to regret saying that. I Get really annoying after a while.”

“Kate… I want you forever. For as long as I'm alive… I need you with me. I know I'm not the greatest guy, and I have done some terrible things, but… please… just promise me you'll stay.”

“You big idiot. Dean. From the first time you kissed me I knew you had changed me. Dean, I am yours. For as long as you want me, I am yours.” 

 

“I will always want you.” He kisses me softly, holding me closer. It feels like we are as close as 2 people could ever be. I knew this was going to be dangerous from day one, but I never imagined Dean would become my everything. He has given me a reason to live again. He pulls my face to him and kisses me. Its full of passion and sadness. I have to stop myself from flat out sobbing. I am his and now he has everything he needs to destroy me.

A few hours later we decide to get up and eat breakfast. It is about 6 AM and I assume Sam is already up and about. We walk to the kitchen hand in hand in a comfortable silence. When we enter, Sam is nose deep in his computer screen at the table.

“Hey Sammy.” I say trying to pull him out of the internet. It takes a second for him to realize we are there or that I have even said anything.

“Oh, right. Hey. I found something that looks like our kind of thing.” Dean and I heave out a sigh. 

“Really Sam? We just got back.” Dean groans as he opens the fridge.

“I know, but it sounds bad. There have been 5 “accidental" deaths in the last week. All of them seem pretty weird.” I give Dean a small smile and he knows we have to go.

“Ok Sam. How far is it?” I ask taking the seat beside him and looking at the information he has compiled.

It's in California so it is going to take us some time to get there.”

“Uggghhhh I really wanted Sheila fixed before we headed out again…”

“if you don't want to ride with us just take one of the other cars.”

“It's not that I don't want to ride with you guys, I just think we work more efficiently with 2 cars.” Dean eyed me with a suspicious look.

“then take the old pick up. I know it's no Sheila but it's not bad.” Sam shrugs. I feel like he is just trying to get us out of here. I really wanted some more time off with Dean before we went out again.

“fine. Works for me. You guys hash out the details, I’ll be in the garage making sure that thing doesn’t fall apart on me.” I stretched up high then headed out the door. I was slightly annoyed and suddenly lost my appetite. I heard the boys continue with dean’s voice echoing my own annoyance.  
The pick-up truck wasn’t in bad shape. I gave it a quick once over and the only noticeable issue seemed to be a poor alignment. I gave it a quick oil change just to be safe.

The boys enter the garage just as I'm cleaning up. Dean gives me a soft smile as he walks over to me. I give him a confused look only to smile as he wipes a smudge of grease from my cheek.

“missed a spot.” He says in a low voice, almost whispering in my ear. A blush blooms across my cheeks and he leaves soft kisses on my lips before turning back to Sam and the impala. That was new. When did he start getting all cute and flirty with me? When we are alone, yea but not usually when Sam is around.

My thoughts are still buzzing when I see Dean headed back over.

“22 hours. Another long haul.” I sigh out the words as Dean leans on the bumper beside me.

“we will stop half way and get a room for the night.” He says like it was obvious.

“yea…” my thoughts are scattered. With all that has happened where do I even go from here? Where do we go? It's all quiet unnerving.

“want me to drive first?” I look over at him a bit shocked.

“You are going to ride in this thing?” He smirks at me and there it is. His pretty boy smolder. What is up with him?

“Yea. Sammy can handle baby on his own. And it's his fault we are missing date night… again.” Oh. I see.

“Ok. You get the first 5, I'll take the second.”

“You got it princess." whhhyyyyyy? I shrug off the pet name and slide in to the passenger side of the truck. In less than an hour I am passed out with my head resting on dean's thigh. The soft way he runs his fingers through my hair assures that I'm out cold.

I'm awakened by Dean softly calling my name as he runs his fingers across my cheek. I mumble and groan as I reluctantly come back to the land of the living.

“my turn?” I ask groggily as I look up in to his piercing green eyes.

“no baby. We are at the motel.”

“What?!” I shoot up and take in my surroundings. Definitely Utah. I recognize the landscape. “I was out that long?” maybe that week took more out of me than I thought.

“Hey. Don't worry. Come on. You need some food.” Why is he being so gentle with me? It's like he is afraid that his words will hurt me. Dean is not a soft-spoken man. I'm starting to worry.  
We pick up some pizza and Dean grabs me some fried mushrooms too. He knows they are my favorite. We eat in relative silence; Sam still nose deep in the case file. We have talked about the case a bit. Most of it is speculation but 5 accidental deaths in a week it's suspicious. It could be a few things but for now it's all guessing.

It doesn't take long for the silence to wear on my nerves. Without a word, I stand and walk out the door. If I am going to sit in silence, I'll do it on my own. I walk out to the truck and hop up on the tailgate. I look up at the stars and think about how much I have changed in the past months.

I was so bitter. So angry. Not that I'm not anymore, but Dean distracts me from it. I have grown foolish and careless. My emotion has changed me. I'm… terrified. Not for me but for Dean. He would do anything for me. He would do anything to protect me. With my emotions in the way, I am worried he will get hurt.

The rage and sorrow never fade, but having a little love mixed in helps me keep it together. Oh, Dean. What am I supposed to do with you?

“Hey, everything alright?” Dean asks as he steps up beside me.

“Yea. The silence was killing me.” I give him a small smile and he turns to face me. He pulls my legs forward so there is space for him to stand between them. He cups my face softly. He can tell I'm still brooding. He gives me that smirk that I have come to love. It makes me smile and he takes that as his que to kiss me.

He is gentle and warm. His hands move in to my hair and I run my fingers over his chest. Out kiss deepens and soon I'm wrapped around him nibbling on his lip.

“Mmm baby. I missed you.” His voice is husky and it sends a shiver through me. 

“Dean…” I whisper his name. Every time I do I have to swallow the “I love you” that begs to follow it. I whimper as his lips move down my neck. Oh, Dean. I just wish I knew the words to tell you how much I care. He scoops me up in his arms and I wrap my Legs around his waist. He carries me back to our room, never letting his lips leave my skin.

When he presses me in to the mattress I let out a small moan. His fingers slide under my clothes and I suddenly can't stand the constriction of them. I pull off my jacket and quickly flip my shirt off over my head. Dean's lips find my newly exposed skin and it only makes me ache for him more.

I push off his flannel and tug his shirt off. He wraps his arms around me, pressing his bare skin against mine. It's intoxicating. Better than anything I've ever felt. Loving him makes every touch fire. Every caress makes me love him even more.

My breath hitches as he slides his hands down my body and pulls my pants off in one swift pull. I kick them the rest of the way off and push his down over his hips. He follows my lead and kicks them off. Being naked with him feels so… right. Like I never had with anyone else.

Our hands wonder each other’s bodies. My fingers moving over his taught muscles. God, I love everything about him. The way he smells, tastes… feels. Like he can read my body he moved up on to the bed with me pushing his knees under my thighs and taking his place between them.

“Dean… I… need you.” My words are huffed out and I still have to struggle to swallow the proper words. He growls in approval and the sound alone makes me writhe against him. He pins my hips as he enters me summoning a long low moan from the depths of my body. He smirks, taking my lips again. God, I love him.

He makes love to me. Not hard like we usually go but soft and slow. He hikes my leg up over his hip and hits me just the right way. It feels amazing. How he fills me. How he knows just what feels amazing. He breathes heavy against my skin. I moan softly and pull his lips to mine. I kiss him hard. Like my life depends on it.

We finish together both moaning and clinging on to each other. God, I can never have drunken sex with him again. I would be spilling “I love you"s every five seconds. I let out a contented hum and he snuggled in to me. He pulls me in to his arms. The steady beats of his heart bring me a calm I never thought I would know. I press a soft kiss on to his chest snuggling in to my place in his arms.


	7. Chapter 7

The next morning Dean rides with Sam. I'm more than happy to drive again. I feel bad for the boys since they both drove almost 12 hours yesterday. Having them switch off for this leg works for me. I make the drive go by faster in my usual way and it doesn't feel like 10 hours when we finally arrive in California. We left early so we made good time. It's only around 3pm when we get there.

We suit up at the motel then head out to the local sheriff's office. Once inside I pause by the door to look at a poster on the bulletin board. My attention is drawn back to the boys when I hear the sheriff.

“The F.B.I? These were all accidents. What are the feds doing looking in to accidents?!” he's one of those “stay off my turf” kind of guys. I'll try my hand and see if I can't get him to help. I undo an extra button on my shirt, square my shoulders and saunter over.

“Hello sheriff. Agent Hailey Williams. Are my boys giving you trouble?” I lean over the counter exaggerating my curves.

“uh… no miss. I was just asking why y'all wanted to know about the accidents.” I give him a sweet smile and lean in closer.

“Oh please, call me Hailey. You know how the guys up top are. Want to make sure this isn't some crazy conspiracy or something. It's just a precaution. Protocol and all that. If you could lend us the files I would be so grateful.” He is clearly focusing other places than my eyes. I have a feeling that Dean is burning a hole in the back of my head. I feel like he is already pissed.

“I know how that goes. Alright miss… Hailey. I'll get my Secretary to get you copies of the files. Oh, and if y'all aren't too busy, the boys and I usually go out for drinks at a local bar every Saturday. I would love if you could join us. “It’s only Tuesday so I'm not worried about showing up.

“Sure thing hon. Thanks for all the help.” I give him a warm smile and he nods walking over to the desk with a silly grin. Men. Pfft.

When I turn back to the boys I get 2 very different faces. Sam gives me an impressed look while Dean looks like he is about to punch me in the face. I jump a bit. I've never seen him make that face before. I jump again when the Secretary taps my shoulder. She apologized and I laugh it off. I take the files and walk out to the impala quickly. When I reach for the door Dean snatched my arm roughly.

“Ahh. What the Hell?”

“Damn straight what the Hell! What the Hell was that?!” I look up at him dumbfounded once realization sets in.

“Are… are you seriously mad at me? I've done this a million times. Why are you mad?”

“You never go that far! Calling him cute names with your shirt half open!” now, I'm mad.

“What the Fuck did you just say to me? Are you Fucking high? I got us what we needed. I got shit done.”

“Whatever.”

“DO NOT FUCKING WHATEVER ME, DEAN WINCHESTER! What exactly do you think I was doing!?”

“You were flirting with that Fucking guy right in front of me. Did you think I was going to be happy about it?!”

“uh… guys… maybe you should— “

“Shut up, Sam.” Dean and I answer in unison.

“Yea, I conned him. Like always. You really think shit like that means anything?” Dean notices the people starting to stare and heaved out a sigh. I'm starring daggers at him.

“Let’s go.” I watch as he looks around then jumps in the driver's seat. I'm still seething but I don't want to blow our cover. I jump in the back seat and hiss my reply.

“This is not over.”

The ride is spent in a tense silence. As soon as we pull in I just about jump out of the car. I head to our room and grab my bag. I storm into the bathroom just as Dean walks in. He seems to think better of knocking. I change and get ready in my usual con-men-out-of-their-own-shoes outfit. It's about 8 when I emerge and Dean is nowhere to be seen. Probably for the best.

“What the Fuck was he thinking?” I growl as the events replay in my mind. I need a drink. 

I head to the closest bar. It's a bit of a ways so I take the truck. It kind of kills my babe look so I park a block away.

I saunter in like always and head straight for the bar. I order a shot plus my usual rum and root beer. I slam the shot and glance over at the pool tables. Only 2 but both have games going. One Is a couple. No go. But the other looks promising. 3 guys playing 2 on one.

I finish my drink and grab another one. I usually don't drink this much when I pull a con but… Fucking Dean. I saunter over with my big fake smile. I play Dumb and ask them to teach me how to play. I go for the long game. I'm 4 drinks in and throwing less shots now. I throw down the bet and one of them offers to take it but says he won't go easy on me. Idiot.

Set up is golden. I do My exaggerated bends and the largest of the men, a guy Sam’s size named Aj, starts to get closer. He follows me when I move and stands closely beside me when I shoot. As I dip in to a shot I feel him smack my ass lightly. It's awkward but I play It off. On my next turn, I don't exaggerate as much. I'm a bit put off. 

Aj, however, is not. He follows me and when I bend he grabs a whole hand full of my ass and I jump. I laugh it off and try to move away but he puts an arm around my waist.

“Get your hands off her. “A familiar voice growls from behind us and I know shit is about to go down.

“You got a problem buddy?”

“You touch my girl again and I'll cut your hands off.” I go to Dean and press my hands to his chest trying to get him refocused. He's drunk. He must have been here drinking before I showed up.

“Dean, come on. Let's go.” Just then I feel an arm around me that pulls me from Dean.

“Aww come on honey. He's not half the man I am.” Wrong thing to say. Before I can react, Dean has already punched him square in the jaw. He releases me and Dean pulls me back to him.

“You’re lucky he hit you first. I would have broken more than your jaw.” I tug Dean along with me outside. “You're drunk. Let's get you back to the hotel.”

“How could you do that?”

“What?” I stop dead in my tracks.

“After you saw how much it pissed me off you let that guy actually touch you.”

“It's not like I wanted him to. I was trying to con them.”

“Do you let all your marks touch you like that?” I'm getting angry again.

“Dude. Shut up. You’re drunk.” I push him away from me.

“I thought you cared about me.” Nope. I can't stop the full-on punch I hit Dean with.

“Fuck you! After all the shit we have been through, all the shit I trusted you with, you honestly think I would… what? Cheat on you?” his silence Is worse than anything he could have said. I punch him in the jaw again and he hits the dirt. 

With tears welling in my eyes I run back to the truck and drive off as fast as it will go.

I spend the night in the truck. I just can't right now. How could he even think that? I'm hurt and angry. I even contemplated leaving to get Sheila and just disappearing. How could he? I… I loved him…

There is still a case and people are still dying. I drive by the hotel and luckily Sam is outside. I park on the street and wave him over as I jump out. Before I can even say anything, Sam has me locked in a warm hug. It brings my emotions rushing forward and I bite my lip.

“I'm so sorry.” He says gently in my ear.

“Oh Sammy. You didn't do anything wrong. If anything, it’s me. I shouldn't have run off for the night.”

“No, I understand. Once Dean stumbled back here with a bruise on his face, I knew he really pissed you off. But I didn't imagine he said such terrible things to you.”

“I'll help finish the case for you, but I might disappear for a while after this…” Back to the Lies again. He knows I won't come back once I leave. He gives me a sad look and hugs me tight again.

“let's get to work. Dean can catch up once he's alive. “I give him a soft smile and he takes my hand, leading me to the impala. He tosses the truck keys on the table in the room and we decide to head out after we change in to our F.B.I suits.

Sam and I take the morning to interview the families of the victims. It seems in all incidents only the children witnessed the deaths. It sounds vaguely familiar but Sam has some ideas. Sam and I spend most of the day chatting like old friends. It feels like we haven't gotten time to talk in ages. I'm going to miss him. Another Sam to miss. That makes me chuckle sadly.

“It's going to be ok, Kate.”

“I know Sammy…” I give him a sad smile. I can tell he is upset about all this. Dean must have told him what happened. With all that has happened in the last… almost 2 years… had brought Sam and I closer. We have become good friends and he is upset that Dean has pushed me to the point where he knows I may not come back.

We draw out what time we have and push going back to the motel as long as we can, but eventually we need our stuff to do research. It feels like we are walking towards a funeral. Once out of the truck he hugs me tightly. Oh, Sammy… there is an ache in my chest and I don’t know what hurts more, Losing Dean or losing what I had finally considered a home and a family.

When we step in to his room Dean is laying on the bed with a cold beer on his head. Neither of us say anything as we pull out our laptops and set to our research.

“Sam? Do we have any water or dru— “he stops mid-sentence as his eyes fall on me. I keep my eyes on my laptop and say nothing. I wouldn't even know what to say.

Sam tosses him a bottle of aspirin wordlessly as he digs a journal out of his bag. Dean takes it and stares down at it silently. He looks sad. The knot in his brow is deep and all I want to do is wrap my arms around him. But his words from last night rush back to me making my chest tight and keeping me rooted to my spot.

“I found it. We had a case like this a long time ago… changelings. They replace the children and feed off the parents. They usually have a nest somewhere with a brood mother.” I'm snapped out of my thoughts and back to Sam.

“that sounds…” I flash back to the brood mother from Dragon age and cringe” disgusting and terrifying.”

“the only way to gank them is to light them up. We have to figure out where they are hold up and burn them out.”

“got it. I'm going to go drive around and see if I see anything… brood mother-ey…” I leave before Sam can stop me, leaving Sam to stare angrily at Dean who still has his eyes glued to the bottle in his hand.

 

“what the Hell Dean?!” Sam snapped standing to face Dean who flinched at the sound of his voice. “Why are you pushing her away so hard? I thought you cared about her! She Fucking LOVES you and you treated her like she was some kind of… slut! What is wrong with you?!”

“I didn't mean it like that!” Dean snaps standing.

“Well you fucked up! If you don't fix this, we are both going to lose her! I don't know about you but I actually give a Damn about her!”

“I Fucking lo- Fuck you Sam! She knows I care about her!”

“You’re an idiot. If you don't fix this by the end of this case, you are never going to see her again.” Dean stares down Sam angrily. “Do you really want that? Are you ok with losing her forever because you over reacted to her doing what she always does. TO WHAT YOU DO to every girl that looks at you. To get information for our case. Can you handle that?” Sam steps closer to him staring him down right back.

“She knows… I'll figure it out. Just back off. Give me some time to figure this shit out.” He tries to sound angry but it's just not working. Sam looks down at him sternly.

“the clock is ticking Dean. If she leaves, she won't come back.”

 

I started at the center of town and drove towards the outskirts, searching for any place where you hold a bunch of kids’ hostage without anyone noticing. There wasn't much. Most places seemed to busy. After a few hours, I stumble upon an old industrial park. It looks abandoned but there is a relatively new lock on the gate. I contemplate just rushing in but I don't have my torch. 

I'm also not sure I want this to end so quick. I've been with the boys longer than anyone since my father died. This hurts in so many ways. I knew I never should have fallen for Dean. Damn that pretty face… and his sweet broken heart…

I decide to head back and tell the boys. I just don't know what to do anymore.

“I think I found something.” I say to no one in particular as I walk in the room. To my dismay it's just Dean. He looks up at me and I quickly look away. “I found an industrial park that looks promising for an evil monster lair.” I say quickly as I grab a beer from the fridge and move to leave.

“Kate…” I stop cold and it feels like my heart is in a vice. “please don't walk away from me.”

“What do you want me to say Dean?” he takes a step closer but stops when I tense.

“You promised me you wouldn't leave.”

“I did… and I wouldn't have. But...” I bite back my emotion and straighten my shoulders. “after how you treated me, I'm not so sure any more.” He moves in and grabs my face but I twist his hands off me and step back with a choked sob. “You can't fix this that way.”

“Kate… please. You can't do this. You promised me.”

“And I thought you…” I heave out a sigh and with a pained look I turn away.

“Kate! Don't do this!” I kick the door shut behind me blocking out his voice. God. Fucking. Damnit. I run for the truck.

“Kate!” Sam calls my name and I stop but don't turn to him. “Hey, are you ok?” He steps up to me and places a hand on my shoulder.

“That…. That ass hole really got me. He really turned me in to a Fucking girl.” He looks at me confused and when he steps in front of me he sees the tears I'm fighting so desperately against. He didn't say anything else. He just wrapped me in his arms and held me while my shoulders shook in silent tears. He led me back to the other room that was originally for Dean and I. He quickly locked the door behind us and sat me down on the bed.

“Kate… I know he is an idiot. A big jack ass. But he does care. He was jealous and stupid and handled it the wrong way but he does care.” I sigh and put my head in my hands.

“Sam… you have done so much for me. You both have. You gave me a home, a family again. But god, do I wish I had never done this. This whole… relationship garbage. I know how it ends. How it always ends. I'm so sorry…” Sam wiped my tears away and took my hands in his.

“This isn't over unless you want it to be. Kate, you know I love you to death. I don't want to see you sad. I definitely don't want to see you leave. I'm not asking you to give him another chance, we both know he doesn’t deserve it, but… if you don't want to go… just hear him out. He sucks at this. It takes him a while to get the words right. I don't want to lose you Kate. If you want to stay, I am always here for you. Even if you don't forgive Dean, or if you leave. You will always have a home at the bunker and I will always be your friend.” I throw my arms around Sam and hug him tight.

We end up watching movies for a few hours, curled up in bed together. Sam with his arms around me like a stronghold. I feel safe. For a little while I forget about the decision I have to make. That is until we hear a knock at the door. I immediately shrink against him. He squeezed me and reluctantly gets up and heads for door as I bury my face in the pillows.

When Sam opens the door, Dean looks up at him shocked.

“I need to talk to her.” Dean looks over at me and I shrink even smaller.

“Wait till morning.” Sam says firmly.

“What? Dude. No. I need to talk to her.”

“Dude. Do you even see her?” Sam asked in a harsh whisper. “Wait. She doesn’t want to see you right now. I don't know what you did to her but you better think of a way to make it up to her, and fast. First you fuck up talking to her and now you fucked up the time to talk to her. What the hell dude.” Sam closes the door before there's even a chance for another word.

I curl up with Sam and for the night, I feel like maybe I can fix this somehow.

The next morning, I fill Sam in on what I found. We make a game plan that he relays to Dean. Neither of us say anything when we load up in to the impala. The plan was to scope it out, armed of course, but I could be wrong about the place anyway.

Sam headed over to pick the lock while Dean and I ready the torches. As I turn away to walk towards Sam, Dean grabbed my arm.

“Hey, be careful in there.” I look down at his hand and sigh. I have missed his touch.

“You too.” I offer him a small smile as he lets his hand fall.

“Ready?” we both nod affirmatively to Sam. I hand him his torch and we move in. We decided to scope out each building one at a time. Once in the first one we see how massive the buildings are. We split up. Each of us taking a floor. Sam on the ground, Dean on the 2nd and me on the 3rd. 

The building is rickety and rotted. I step uneasily across the floor. Something seems off. Maybe this is the right place. 

Suddenly my phone buzzes and its Sam.

“Hey.” I whisper trying to keep hidden.

“I found the nest. It's in this weird sub-basement.”

“On my way.” Just as I turn to head back for the stairs I come face to face with a woman who looks to be in her mid-30s. I pause for a second and she takes my hesitation as her chance, she swings and hits me dead on in the face making me stumble back.

I shake it off just in time to block the next blow and throw one of my own. I can hear Sam call my name from my now discarded phone. She hits me again and I strike back slamming my torch down on her head. She hisses at me and I side step another attack. 

I run at her tackling her to the ground. I start to punch her as hard as I can over and over. She managed to buck me off her and I roll foiling her attempt to stomp on me. As I get to my feet I can hear Dean call my name from the floor below. It distracted me enough for her to land another blow. I stumble back and just as I feel the floor give way beneath me she grabs me and lifts me up over the now gaping hole in the floor.

I claw at her hand. A one floor drop won't kill me.

“KATE!” Dean's scream pulls my eyes down he is standing on the floor below. I see the reason for the fear in his voice, the hole I'm dangling over leads straight to the basement. Fuck me.

Once the fear registers on my face she smiles and lets me go.

As I fall I can't find the time to even scream. I suck in a breath but before I make it past the 2nd floor Dean tackles me across the gap and we land hard on the other side of the hole.

The sound of her scream draws our attention back up as Sam lights her up and she plummeted to the bottom floor. We all breath a collective sigh and Dean pulls me in to his arms.

“I'm so sorry baby.” He whispers in my ear hugging me tightly. I cling to him desperate for his touch after 2 days apart. I grab his face and kiss him hard. God, I missed him.

“You ever talk to me like that again and I'll shoot you. You Fucking know better. You are everything to me. No one else matters anymore.” He kisses me again and I try not to sob.

“You are all I ever want. I can't lose you. I… Damnit!” he kisses me again tangling his fingers in my hair. My heart swells. I don't know how much longer I can hold back.

“Are you guys ok?” Sam shouts down to us.

“Yea! You found the kids?” Dean keeps me pressed close after we get to our feet.

“Basement!” Dean takes my hand lacing his fingers with mine and leads me down the stairs. We released the children, bringing them to safety. We cleared up the scene and headed back to the motel.

Once we regroup at the motel we decide to head out. Best to disappear before the kids tell their story. Dean and I take the impala with Sam happily grinning in the pick-up.

I'm curled up against Dean as we drive home. He has one arm wrapped around me. I've got my head on his chest, hearing his steady heart beat warms me inside. 

“I meant what I said. I'm really sorry. I know I was a dick. I just… seeing you flirt with that guy made me crazy.”

“I figured you were the jealous type but Damn.”

“I know. Kate, I have never felt like this before. When that guy touched you at the bar… I was going to kill him… I just want to keep you safe…”

“If it makes you feel any better I would kill a girl if she smacked your ass too.” He chuckles softly. I'm taking a page from his book and joking my way through this.

“I bet you would… this… this is going to come out wrong but I can't think of another way to say it. You are mine. I just want you all for myself.”

“And you are mine. I have no interest in other men, Dean. You are all I want.” I kiss his neck softly and he pulls me tight against him. “There are… Things I want to say but I can't find the words. I just need you to trust me Dean.”

“Never thought I would hear you talk about trust, but I do. I do trust you and I'm sorry I suck at showing it.”

“Monsters be dammed, we are going on that date when we get home.” He smiles and fiddles with one of my rouge curls.

“I'll hide Sammy's laptop once we get home.” I chuckle. I missed him. Just because I found Dean didn't mean my life was miraculously fixed, that all was right in the universe. But it made life a lot more bearable. Having someone who understands how fucked everything really is, how life never stops kicking you when you are already dying on the floor, makes pulling yourself back up just a little bit easier.

That night, when we got to the motel, I decided to sneak over to see Sammy once Dean had fallen asleep. I owe him for taking care of me.  
When I knocked on the door it only took Sam a second to answer. I guess he couldn't sleep. He greeted me with a warm smile and waved me in.

“Can’t sleep?” I asked taking a seat on the bed.

“Nah. Just not tired. You?”

“I just wanted to thank you.”

“For what?” He chuckled taking a seat beside me.

“For… Taking care of me… This whole life that has come to be. The life I have with you guys, it's new and frightening. It's a whole new ball game for me. Having Dean has changed me. I'm… Happier. And having you, I feel safe. I don't feel quite so alone anymore.”

“Kate, you don't need to thank me. This isn't a one-sided thing. Dean is so much better with you around. And you have no idea how nice it is having someone other Than my brother to talk to. Don’t get me wrong, I love Dean but Damn is it good to have an intellectual conversation with you.” We both chuckle and smile. Maybe Sam is right. Maybe we all need each other.

“Still, it's been a long time since I could really count on anyone and you guys really have my back. I really didn't want to leave and I'm glad you were there for me to keep my head on straight.”

“I'm always here for you Kate. I really care about you. You’re like the little sister I never knew I wanted.” I laugh and push him lightly

“Gee thanks! And you’re the giant I never knew would be so much fun to have!” He laughs and puts his arm around me.

“Your just jealous I can see over the impala.”

“I'm not that short!” We both laugh as we play fight a bit. Once our laughter settles I pause and look up at him. “Does it bother you that Dean spends so much time with me?”

“No! Haha, I'm glad for the break. I love the guy but he can be over bearing sometimes. Plus, we have been together So long that I'm enjoying the peace and quiet.”

“Ok. I just wanted to make sure. You know you can come hang out with us whenever right? Sure, Dean will whine but that's just Dean.” I offer him a warm smile and he tousles my hair.

“I know Kate. Don't worry about me. I just want you to be happy.” I push my fingers through my hair and smile up at him. Looking in to his gentle eyes I can't help but launch myself at him and pull him in to a hug.

“Thanks Sammy. I better get back to him before he wakes up.” He hugs me back and gives me a tight squeeze before releasing me. 

“Get some sleep” He waves me off with a smile. As I closed the door and turned back to Dean and my room I'm startled to find him standing beside the door looking down at me.

“Hey.” He gives me a smirk and I smile up at him.

“Hey baby. Why are you awake? Come on. Let's go to bed.” As I tug on his hand to pull him back to our room he pulls me tight against him.

“You know how important you are to us right? Your part of this now. You belong with us, with me. We need you. I need you.” I smile in to his chest and wrap my arms around him.

“I know Dean. I don't want to be anywhere else.” I kiss him softly and he immediately deepens our kiss. I could stay like this forever. He slides his hands under my ass and I hop up wrapping my legs around his hips. He quickly opens the door and we disappear inside. Having him in my arms again makes all the difference. We lay tangled in each other’s arms as we slowly drift to sleep while I hum a 38-special song to the man I couldn’t love more.

The next day Dean whines when I take the pick up again. I feel bad for Sammy driving all day yesterday so having Dean trade off with him works for me. Even with his protests and a few pit stops we make it back to the bunker in relatively good time. Once we pull in Dean and Sam start to off load the gear while I take the time to look over Sheila. 

My poor girl. She is so naked. I run my hand lovingly over the bare fender. I want to finish her. Dean sneaks up behind me, snaking his arms around my waist and pressing a soft kiss to my temple. I let out a contented hum as I lace my fingers with his.

“We will fix her. After our date night.” He kisses me again and I snuggled back against him.

“Thank you.” He turns me in his arms and gives me a snarky smile.

“Shut up.” I chuckle at him and swat his chest. Jogging back to the truck I grab my bag and follow Dean down the hall. He swats me on the ass as we split off to our separate rooms. 

I wonder about the room situation. Should we just move in to a room together? We spend every night in the same bed, but it is nice to have our own spaces. It's not like there is a lack of space. I'm over thinking Again. 

Flopping down on my bed I let out a long sigh and snuggle my face in the pillows. Tonight is finally date night. I feel like it's been an eternity since I've been on a date. It kind of has. I chuckle in to my pillows and kick off my boots.

I never thought I would be so happy to come back to the bunker. It really has become home. Having so much to lose again is frightening but at the same time it feels like all the pieces I had been so determined to leave broken are healing. I feel ok for the first time in longer than I can remember.

I have a home, a family, and someone I love. My life is actually… good right now. My soft chuckle is interrupted by Dean crawling on top of me and pressing soft kisses on my shoulder.

“What's so funny?” He asks as he pulls my open button up down my back so he can leave a trail of kisses in his wake.

“The fact that I'm happy. I'm actually happy with my life.”

“Good. I like you happy.” I roll over so I can look up at him. His soft green eyes feel as if he can see straight in to my heart. “I'll try my best not to Fuck it up so often.”

“Shut up, Dean.” I smile and pull him down in to a long kiss. This man. He is mine and I would die for him. More importantly, I will live for him. 

He locks me in his arms and pulls me close. A nap would be good before we go out. We have spent the last few days traveling and burning people alive. I snuggle up to him and kiss across his neck before sliding my fingers through his hair.

“Sleep baby. Tonight is going to be a big night.” His voice seems tense and nervous. I wonder what he has planned for us. I slip my hands under his shirt and bask in the warmth of his skin. Having someone to depend on again. Someone to care for and protect, it feels like I am myself again. I was always meant to protect and now that I have someone to defend, even if he tries just as hard to protect me, it feels right.

“You too. I have a surprise for you.”

“What?” He looks a bit shocked and I feel his arms tense around me.

“Mhhm. Now nap.” I snuggle in to his chest with a small giggle. His bewildered look still etched in to my mind. He is so fun to tease. It takes him a minute to relax but when he does he chuckles, placing a gentle kiss on top of my head.

“I can’t wait for tonight…” I feel his smile more than see it. I press a soft kiss to his chest and let myself relax to the steady beat of his heart.

When I wake up I find myself unreasonably cold. For the first time, I am the one panicking about Dean running from me. I shoot up and quickly look around my room. My heart settles once my eyes land on a note underneath my favorite cannon.

Taking the note, I smile as I read it.

“Good morning, Beautiful. I have to get things ready for tonight. I’ll be back to pick you up around 9. Be ready.  
~Dean”

Be ready hu? I giggle and place the note in the side table drawer. I stretch out long before snagging my phone and checking the time. 7 o’clock! Fuck! I scramble out of bed and run for the bathroom only stopping to snag the bag in my closet from a long forgotten shopping trip.

It’s about 8:50 when I apply the finishing touches to my makeup. I don’t think Dean has ever seen me this dolled up, especially not in a dress. I wing out my eyeliner and take a step back to look at myself.

I smirk as I take in all my hard work. I look amazing. The dress fits my curves perfectly and the heels make my legs look killer. A little black eye shadow and some maroon lipstick and I feel like I could con the president out of air force one. I giggle as I grip a small black clutch and head back in to my room.

I dig in to the bedside drawer. I know it’s stupid and he is going to laugh at me but I want to give it to him. When my fingers touch the smooth wood, I snatch up my trinket and snap it in to my clutch just as I hear Dean call for me.

“Kate?” His voice calls gently from the other side of my door. I quickly flatten my dress against me and make sure my hair falls just right. I take a deep breath and open the door slowly.

I look up at him with my best sexy smile and the look on his face is exactly everything I had hoped it would be. He stammers for a second and I cock my head to the side. Before I can question him, he pins me to my door and his lips are on me. 

He kissed me passionately and slides his hands over my curves. Thank god for lipstick sealer.

“If you keep that up we aren’t going anywhere…” I pant out when his lips move to my neck.

“You look incredible… You are always beautiful but god damn, baby…” His breath is hot against my skin and It makes me want him even more.

“As much as I would love to just ride you in to oblivion right now, you have been planning this for weeks. We should probably at least make it out the door.” I smirk and press a kiss to his temple.

“You’re right…” He sighs and chuckles softly. “Alright, gorgeous. Let’s go.” He reluctantly pulls away from me and smooths my dress down my sides again before taking my hand. He leads me to the garage where Baby is waiting.

He steps in front of me and opens the passenger door for me. He is really going all out tonight. I slip in to Baby leaving a fleeting peck on his cheek. He smirks at me as he closes my door.

It is a short ride that I spend curled up beside Dean, fiddling with the buttons on his leather jacket. He is wearing possibly the best pair of jeans he owns along with a black t shirt and red button up left open. He looks so painfully sexy I can feel the ache for him between my thighs. 

As we continue down a quiet dirt road I can see lights in the distance. Small dim lights. Nothing so bright as to obscure the stars that fill the sky. We pull in to a small clearing beside a river. There are small lanterns around the edge of the clearing along with a blanket laid out in the middle of the grass. It's the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. The water, the stars, the little blips from the fireflies. My heart swells. He did this all for me. I look up at him and he gives me a nervous smile.

“Dean… this is… incredible. This place is beautiful.” I place a hand on his cheek and look lovingly in to his gorgeous green eyes. The eyes I want our children to have.

“I thought you might like it here. That first night I kissed you, you had run to a place kind of like this. I always thought it was funny because this is where I go when I want to be alone.” He presses a soft kiss to my cheek. Oh, Dean. I had no idea he could be so romantic. He looks away awkwardly. I don’t think he is used to being so romantic either.  
He takes my hand and helps me out of the car. I Run my hand along baby as I walk around front. She looks beautiful in the moon light. I take in a deep breath of the fresh night air and sigh contently. The moonlight filters through the leaves of the trees and dances across the grass. This is it. This is perfect. I’m going to tell him.

I am pulled back to the present by a soft kiss on my shoulder. He runs his hand up my arm then pulls me in to him. His embrace feels desperate, like he wants to make sure I am really here. I press a kiss to his jaw and hum a quiet song.

He presses a soft kiss to my forehead and I feel him smile more than see it. This is my Dean. I am the only one he shows this side to. I lace my fingers with his and run my other hand down his chest. Dean is the most perfect being I have ever witnessed, and it's all because of his incredible flaws.

He kisses me once more and I giggle as a fire fly floats by his ear. I love this man. I love him so much.

He leads me down to the blanket. It’s actually 2 blankets and there are pillows as well. It’s almost a full-fledged bed. I chuckle and kick off my heels that have been sinking in to the grass. He smiles down at me but before he can tug me down on to the blanket I pull him further towards the river. He follows me with a smirk.

“Skinny dipping?” He asks with a laugh. I roll my eyes at him and let go of his hand as I step in to the river. The water is cold but it feels nice. I go in up to my knees only a few feet off shore. “You really like the water, don’t you?” He cocks his head at me. Looking back at how the moon light falls across his strong features I still can’t believe he is mine.

“Yes. I always have. I don’t know why but I feel… free in the water. I know it sounds silly…” I look down at the reflection of the stars in the water. I can see little fish swim by my feet beyond the darkness. When I look back up he has his hand out to me. With a small smile, I walk to him and he pulls me in to his arms.

 

“I like when you talk like this… Like you’re only talking to me.” I wrap my arms around him and press myself against him. “Like these are things you only say to me.”

“That’s because they are. Dean… I— “He covers my lips with his own and my words are lost in the passion we share. It is hard to believe this is the same man who checks his corners with a stiff shoulder as we clear buildings of monsters. The man who screams “Son of a bitch!” when he gets hit and looks angrily at his brother when he gets teased. The man who swigs beers and glares at his own reflection. That man is lost in the throes of passion with me as the little knot in his brow that always seems so deep can’t even be found when I run my hands over his chest.

Dean sweeps me up in to his arms and before I know it he has me pressed in to the blankets. His mouth moves down my throat and across my chest, barely hindered by the thin material of my dress. He hikes up my skirt as he slides a hand up my thigh moving his way between my legs to what is now his.

I let out a soft moan as I push his jacket and button up off his shoulders. Perfect, defined, glorious shoulders. His hands are all over me, Lighting my skin on fire with every touch. I can already feel him straining against his jeans. I reach for his belt buckle and the little clink it makes as it falls open drives me mad.

He growls into my neck as he thrusts against me. I can feel myself growing slick with want. I moan out his name and he shreds my panties, ripping them away from me with rough hands. I drag my nails up his back pulling his shirt off over his head. The way he growls turns me on in a way I can’t even explain. 

I push his shoulders down and roll us so I am perched above him with my hips pinning his. He slides his hands slowly up my body taking my dress with them. He pulls it over my head and I am laid bare for him to see. His hands explore my skin as I look down at him with lust in my eyes.

His hands continue their expedition as I leave love bites down his chest. I can feel his pulse pounding through his skin. I pull down his jeans and leave small kisses along his hip bones. The sound he makes is carnal and hot in so many ways. I know he can’t take much more teasing. I drag my tongue softly over his hip before biting it causing him to immediately flip us and pull my legs up over his hips.

“I need you…” He growls out the words and I moan in to his neck.

“Then take me.” My voice is rough with lust and it only fuels his desire. He frees himself kicking off his jeans and boxers. He pushes inside of me slowly. Painfully slowly. I bite down on his shoulder to muffle my moan but he pulls back.

“I want to hear you, baby.” His voice travels through me like liquid fire and I immediately let out a long moan as he sinks the rest of the way inside me. The feeling of being full of Dean makes my heart beat fast and slow all at the same time. It is like this is how we are meant to be. Locked in an embrace of pure passion.

Dean moves slowly inside of me. I had thought he was going to be rough, go hard, but he isn’t. He is gentle, slow, deliberate. He is making love to me and that is perfect for this night. He strokes my skin gently as he takes me. I pull him in to a kiss as my hands travel over the broad expanse of his well-defined back and shoulders. His skin feels rough and scarred. My perfectly imperfect man. 

His hand moves over my skin, sliding from my back all the way down my hips and he pulls my leg up over his thigh to hit just the right angle. I pant and moan with his every move. He knows just how to make me feel like the universe is falling away from me. I kiss him roughly as I feel him speed up. We are going to finish together. I can feel the pressure build inside me as I move my hips to meet his. Oh, god, Dean. My body is tingling all oved and I let out a long moan, muffled by our kiss. He pushes in to me hard for the last few times and I can feel the tight coil inside me finally snap giving me my release just as Dean buries his inside me.

We continue to kiss slowly catching our breath and letting our hearts calm. When we finally have our bearings again he lays down beside me and pulls me into his arms. I can see all the stars shining in the night’s sky as his heartbeat thumps in my ear. The sparks of fireflies make it look like a fairytale. Like something this perfect shouldn’t exist.

“Dean?” I don’t look up at him but instead keep my eyes locked on the shimmering lights above us.

“Yea, baby?” He kisses my hair softly and squeezes me as if to let me know he is listening.

“I love you… I know the words may not mean— “. He jerks my face up to his and kisses me softly. It lasts for what feels like ages as my nerves send my head in to a fog. Oh, god. I really said it... I told him…

His lips slowly part from mine and I can see the raw emotion in his eyes reflecting back my own emotional turmoil. I am suddenly terrified of the next thing to escape those perfect lips.

“Kate, I…” He sighs but immediately locks eyes with me again. My heart feels like it is going to explode. I can feel the tears well in my eyes and I just cling to him for dear life. This is the point where everything either falls in to place or falls apart.

“Dean, I know what you told me about those words but I just… I couldn’t keep them to myself anymore.” I try my best to blink away my tears but one rolls down my cheek. He kisses it away softly before looking at me with a sad expression.

“Kate, you are… everything to me. You… are just… Kate… Son of a bitch!” He fumbles over his words and I look away trying desperately not to cry. He kisses me again and presses his forehead to mine. He grazes my nose with his when we finally part and he looks me in the eye. “Kate, I love you too.” I think my heart just exploded. I let out a rough laugh and my tears spill over as I grab his face and kiss him hard.

I never though in my life that I would ever hear those words again and have them mean so much. Now, he is just as fucked as I am and for once we both have someone, just for us, to hold each other together. We can make a life for us. I just know we can.

I suddenly remember my little trinket. Reaching for my discarded clutch I find it amongst the puddle of my dress. Fishing the small wooden heart from its contents I offer it to dean as I curl back up to him.

“I made this a while ago. I know it’s a little silly but… I want you to have it.” I press it in to his hand and he turns it over seeing all the little details I carved in to it. He gives me a soft smirk and presses a kiss to my temple. I can’t believe that everything that has happened lead to this moment. I am happy. Genuinely happy. Maybe Sam was right. Maybe I never really gave up on my happily ever after.

“I knew you were good with a knife, but I didn’t know you could make stuff like this.” He says in a soft voice that feels like it’s only for me. He captures my lips again and the conversation is suddenly lost as our passion takes over again.

 

She’s asleep. This night went better than I could have ever hoped. I wanted her to know how I felt but I didn’t think she would tell me she loved me.

 

Looking down at her face as she sleeps in my arms, I can’t believe she is mine. She is perfect. I gently caress her cheek as she lays in my arms. Looking down at my rough hands on her perfect skin, I furrow my brow. These hands… Hands that used to shake with the urge to murder. These hands that I have killed so many with don’t deserve to touch her.

She knows what I have done but she still loves me. I have murdered, tortured, and destroyed so much. How could I even hope for this to work out? If she dies… I don’t think I could fight anymore. Sammy, Cass, they have pulled me through so much but I doubt even they could bring me back from that.

I watch as a firefly lands on her cheek, its soft glow reflecting on her skin. I will protect her. If there is one thing I can do right in this life, it will be to protect her.

 

When I wake the next morning, Dean is sleeping soundly with me tangled in his arms. He looks so peaceful when he sleeps. I just close my eyes and try not to move as my thoughts drift. I can’t help but chuckle as my mind goes back to our first meeting so long ago. I never thought we would even tolerate each other, let alone end up like this.  
`````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````  
“Fucking armature! Get out of the way!” I push Dean aside angrily as he attempts to take a defensive position in front of me. I charge forward and my machete cleaves a vamp’s head clean off. More come at us and I decapitate 2 more before landing a good blow on a third pushing him back. Dean is wrestling with one as 4 more come towards us. “Idiot! Finish him!” I growl as I run interference trying to pull their attention back to me. I chop off the arm of a vamp about to grab Dean but my blade gets stuck in the bone and skitters across the floor.

I growl and take up my stance as dean finally decapitates his vamp buddy. I am holding my own but 3 on one is no walk in the park. I take a hard punch to the ribs followed by a right hook to the face and it knocks me back. One of them is about to descend on me.

“Hey!” I hear another voice call as Sam slides a machete to me just in time for me to cut down my attacker. Dean beheads one more and the last 2 turn on him. I charge after one of them, ignoring the pain in my ribs and shoulder check him to the ground as Sam ganks the other one hissing at Dean. I sink my machete in to the vamp beneath me and huff out an agitated sigh.

“What the fuck are you idiots fumbling around in my case for?!” I snap at the boys as the dust themselves off. I had heard of the Winchester boys but I had never met them before today.

“Woah, girly. What is your problem? We just saved your ass.” Dean grumbles at me taking a step closer. I push myself up gritting my teeth. That’s a broken rib.

“I was fine until captain adrenaline here had to rush in and screw things up.” I growl my reply as I retrieve my machete and wipe it off on a dead vamp’s shirt.

“Hey, we were just trying to help.” Sam offers as I hand him back the machete he slid to me.

“Well if it wasn’t for your brother here, I wouldn’t have needed any help.” I sheath my blade and head outside the dark barn we had been fighting in.

“How do you know we are brothers?” Sam asks following me as I head for the bushes Sheila is parked behind. I am taken back by the beautiful impala sitting beside her.

“I… Is that yours?” I ask looking across the beautiful body lines of the car.

“Hey! Hands off my Baby!” Dean shouts just as I reach out to touch the fender. I recoil instantly and resume my cold attitude.

“Humph. I have heard of you Winchesters. Trouble makers that you are. I don’t need and help from anyone. Let alone you guys.” I toss my weapons in the back and grab my duffle so I can find a clean shirt.

“You really think you could have taken that whole nest on your own!?” Dean seems angrier every time I push off his words. I pull off my shirt leaving me in just my bra. I use my shirt to clean off the blood from my face and arms and things get uncharacteristically quiet behind me.

“Yes. Wouldn’t be the first. Won’t be the last.” I say nonchalantly turning back to the boys. Sam has his eyes glued to the sky with a cute little blush while Dean full on stares at me. I pull my new shirt on and chuckle. “Men.” I mutter to myself. “Thanks for the added annoyance but I’ll take it from here.” Dean snaps back to his senses once I am decent again.

“w-well you know, we could always team up. You seem like a decent hunter.” I respond with an indignant snort.

“Decent?! You’re the bumbling idiot who almost got himself killed. I’m good, sweetheart.” Dean seems utterly taken back. I don’t think Mr. pretty boy is used to rejection.

“Hey, don’t be like that.” He steps towards me attempting to touch my arm. I grip his wrist and yank it up behind his back which snaps Sam back from space.

“Woah let’s just calm down here!” I toss Dean back at Sam who stumbles to catch him.

“Keep your hands to yourself, princess. You will never be good enough to run with me. Either way. I work alone.” I hop in to the driver’s seat and burn rubber out of there. I can’t afford friends. Those 2 will only serve to drag me down.  
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Man, I was a bitch to him. How things have changed. I can't help the quiet giggle that escapes me. I nuzzle in close to Dean and I feel his arms tighten around me. He has become so important me. I love him so much. Dean presses a soft kiss in to my hair bringing a bright smile to my lips.


	8. Chapter 8

The sun shines gently through the trees warming us as we lay on the grass. It's like we are normal lovers. Just 2 people in love in a normal life. That's right, Dean loves me. He told me he loves me. Oh, my sweet Dean.

“Good morning, beautiful.” His voice is husky, rough with sleep. It makes my heart sing. I pull him close, trailing kisses up his chest.

“Good morning, handsome.” I feel him smile in to my hair as he runs his hand up my arm, lightly caressing my skin. 

“Kate, about last night… I want you to know I want just saying that… I really do feel… that way…” he trails off awkwardly. There’s my awkward lover boy. I silence him with a soft kiss.

“I know, Dean. I love you, you big dork.” He smirks at me and I can think of nothing better than kissing it off his face.

Dean and I eventually and very reluctantly head home to the bunker. It's a short ride that I spend curled up beside him. When we get home we find Sammy asleep on his laptop. He is demoted over the war table. He looks so sweet. I know if we wake him he will never actually get some rest. I shush Dean with a finger to my lips and head over to the couch to grab a blanket. I drape it over his shoulders and take dean's hand leading him back to his room.

The next few days go by in a bit of a blur. Most of it is spent with Dean as he helps me finish fixing Sheila. Once I finish the final spray I slump down on a tool box. I have my respirator on and it slips a little as I lean my head back. I had taken a sharpie to it and made it look like a pretty cool skull mouth. Dean hovers over me with a respirator of his own. He raised an eyebrow at me and says something to muffled for me to understand.   
I raised my eyebrow to question him but he just shook his head and bumped his respirator to mine in a cute peck. I smiled giggling at his cute gesture. I take his hand and lead him to the kitchen where we finally take our masks off. 

“she's all done, baby.” He sighs as he sets his respirator down on the table.

“Finally. It's good to have her back. Thanks for all the help. “stretching out tall I reach up above me only to have Dean sweep me up dipping me low and pressing his lips to mine. After a heated kiss, he slowly draws back placing a small kiss on my nose.

“Anything for you.” His warm smile is something I'm growing fond of. It feels like he saves this one just for me. I ruin my fingers through his hair and wrap my arms around him. Oh, Dean.

“Never pegged you for the romantic type.” Sam's voice cuts in to our little bubble of lovey dovey nonsense. Dean quickly rights us and scowls, effectively hiding his soft side.

“Shut it, Sammy.” He growls and heads to the fridge to grab a beer.

“haha, well whatever. Kate? I could use a hand in the library. Would you mind?” smacking Dean's ass as I walk by nodding and follow Sam to the library.

“What's up Sammy?”

“well… I just wanted make sure you’re ok. I know it's all been kind of crazy lately.” He gives me a concerned look. I give him a bright smile that makes him step back.

“He loves me Sam… he said it.” He chuckles and pulls me in to a tight hug.

“Finally! I'm so glad he manned up and said it!” he lifts me up, surprising me and I grab on to him to keep from slipping from his grip. I let out a giggle as he spins me around.

“I'm so happy Sam! “He squeezes me once more before he sets me down again.

“remember when you first came to the bunker? I thought you would kill Dean. I never imagined you would actually end up together.” He chuckles and puts his hands on my shoulders. 

“I remember. Things have really changed. If anything, I would have given you more of a shot than Dean.” I laugh but Sam is suddenly bright red. I snicker as he recoiled. I take the moment to think back on the day I actually came to the bunker for the first time.  
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I huff out my breaths as the agony of every movement makes my body quake. It's a lot worse than I thought. That hit re broke my still not healed rib. My side is a mass of purple and red bruises oozing blood. I don't even want to breath. Everything hurts so much.

I try to muffle my cry as I scramble away from the last of the wolves hunting me. I need cover. I need something to mask my scent so I can get away. Fuck I need…

“Hey pup! Why don't you pick on someone your own size!” Sam calls after the wolf. It is the first time in months I am not enraged to hear the Winchester boys. I see Dean circling around the side. He sees me clutching my side and gives me a grave look. Dean fires the Kill shot when the wolf tries to lunge at Sam. Once Sam confirms death Dean comes to my side. It takes all I have not to scream when he tried to help me up.

“Are you alright?” He asks in a serious tone. I grit my teeth. Even breathing is killing me.

“Just… peachy.” I manage my snarky joke but it is followed by a violent cough that sends me back to the floor. I almost pass out from the pain.

“Hey, just stop. Let us help.” Sam says softly. I can't form words so I just nod. Dean pulls me in to his arms. I grab fists full of his shirt and grit my teeth. Broken ribs are the worst. My blood is seeping through my clothes and on to dean. When he feels it against his chest the look on his face is one I haven’t seen before. The last thing I remember is the smell of leather from the back seat of his beloved impala.

When I come to I am bandaged up and slightly less bloody. Taking in my surroundings, I realize this must be the bunker the boys kept talking about. It looks like something out of a 50’s comic book. I sigh but that is enough to make me seize up from the pain. That’s when I notice Dean, slumped down in a chair in the corner of the room, passed out. Was he really that worried?

I growl as I fight to sit up but the low groan that escapes me is enough to make Dean jump to life.

“Son of bitch!” he jolts up but once he realizes where he is he relaxes. “oh… uh… you ok?” ugh why am I stuck with thirties moron? Not that I don't appreciate the rescue but I would like to be anywhere else about now.

“Great. Absolutely perfect. Now excuse me while I get the Fuck out of here.” I struggle to get up and to my annoyance I immediately crumple from the agony.

“Kate! Hey! Take it easy!” he rushed to my side and tries to help me up. I shove him away with a growl. He looks down at me with pity in his eyes. It’s infuriating. 

“I didn't ask for your help, Dean! I have to get out of here.” Sam suddenly busts in the door. If nothing else, I can use him to piss Dean off. “Sam…” I reach a hand out to him and he quickly takes it, helping me to my feet. He puts an arm around me supporting me. I give him my wounded puppy eyes and I internally cackle. Dean is seething in the corner as he watched his brother pull me into his arms.

“Kate. Are you ok?” Sam pulls me close as I lean in to him.

“I have to get out of here. Where is my car?”   
“it's in the garage. I drove it here.” He drove… my Sheila… I quickly hide my anger. “But you really shouldn't be up. You got really messed up. It took me a while just to patch you up.”

“I don't do this whole… people thing.” 

“Kate. You are safe here. You don't have to be so strong all the time.” He seems so genuine it actually shakes my act. Looking back to Dean his expression had softened to the point where he seems to be being me to stay. Sighing I shake my head and tighten my grip on Sam's arm.

“Fine… I'll stay… But only till I can breathe without feeling like I'm going to die. And no bitching when I want to leave!” Sam gives me a small smile as I reluctantly let him help me to the bed.  
`````````````````````````````````````````

“it's funny how some broken bones lead to all this.” I smile up at Sam but his face seems a little sad.

“Yea. It's crazy how things work out…” he trails off a bit and I give him an apologetic look.

“I was just messing with you Sam. Cone on, I'll get you a beer.” He gives me a weak smile and I feel bad for teasing him. I take his hand and lead him back to the kitchen where Dean has his feet up on the table and half his beer gone.

I quickly toss one to Sam Erich he catches with a half heated smile. We suit down along with Dean and enjoy sour drinks in relative silence.

That night add I last curled up in dean's arms I can't help but wonder why Sam recoiled the way he did. I was only messing with him but he looked so hurt. Maybe I'm just over reacting.

I'm ripped from my thoughts as the buzzing of my phone erupts from the nightstand. I grab it quickly to silence the sound do I don't wake Dean. When I grab my phone, I look at it confused. There I'd no notification for why it went off. I reach over and dig though my drawer only to see the light from my secondary phone filling the darkness. O unlock it quickly and turn the brightness all the way down.

I looked down at my secondary phone and as I read the words my heart sank. I felt unwanted tears spring to my eyes.

“We have her. Leave the Winchesters with nothing or she dies.” Straight to the point. All of my worst nightmares laid before me in 11 words. After all the precautions from salt laced paint to hidden devil’s traps all over her home, they still got her. I have no choice. My heart feels like it has shattered in my chest. Dean… if I tell him he will only insist on helping. That and I think that qualifies as “something”. Son of a bitch.

I'm so sorry Dean. I promise I'll come back. I promise him silently as I slip away from him and to my room. I quickly shove what little I have in to a duffle before smashing my primary phone on the floor and moving silently to the garage. I toss my bag in to Sheila as quietly as I can. 

The soft click of the door catch makes my heart ache even more. I won't lose him. Not now. Not after that night. He loves me. But I can't lose Sam. I have to save her. With a heavy heart and tears begging to fall I start my beloved car for our first trip since her rebuild. It rips me apart to know that it is to run away from the man I love when I want nothing more than to run back in to his arms.

As Shelia roars to life I hear the door slam against the wall. I can't bring myself to look in the mirror to see him standing there heartbroken. The image in my head is far worse than what I would actually see… at least that's what I tell myself as I speed off straight for Sam's house.

```````````````````````````````````````````

“KATE!” Dean screams her name as he busts in to the garage. He only catches a glimpse of her tail lights but he immediately knows she is gone. His heart aches for her and he is filled with rage, sadness, and pain. He falls back against baby and places a hand in his hair as his chest heaves.

“Dean? What the Hell is…” Sam trails off as he notices who and what is missing. “Why?” The look on Dean's face is enough to send Sam scrambling for his phone. He dials Kate's number but his face falls when the line screeches back at him with an automated disconnected message. He looks back at Dean who has now sunk to the garage floor.

“something is wrong… she wouldn't…” Sam placed a hand on his bewildered brothers trembling shoulder.

“You’re right. Something must have forced her to leave.” Pulling Dean up off the floor, Sam gives him a nod to drive his point home. The brothers head for Kate’s room to see if there is a lead left in her wake.

Finding her crushed phone on the floor only worries the brothers more. The room was hastily packed and looked like she had been in a hurry.

“If she wanted to leave she wouldn't have been in such a hurry. She would have had a plan. Something is wrong.” Sam said as he closed a drawer hanging ajar. Dean's face contorted in anger. He said nothing and stormed out of the room. Sam followed closely with Kate's shattered cell phone in hand.

```````````````````````````````````````````  
My chest feels like it's caving in and my stomach is doing back flips. Sam is in danger and I'm sure Dean is losing his mind. He must feel so betrayed. I hope he knows how much I love him. I bite back my emotions as I pull up to Sam's house. It's worse than I thought.

There are police cars in front and I can see her children clinging to their father as he talks to the officer. I park Sheila and jump out ignoring the protests of the officers as I shove my fake badge in their face and step up to her husband.

“What happened.” I order more than ask for the information. He is baffled by my sudden appearance as well as my badge. After a moment of stammering he finds his word as Sam's eldest latches on to me and my venom subsides.

“She got up to check on the baby. I…I heard her scream and ran to see what happened… she was just gone… I… I can't find her. I don't know what happened…” he is clearly shaken and I place a hand on his shoulder.

“I'll find her.” He gives me a nod and I kneel so I am eye level with the children. “I'm gonna go find your mom, ok? She is just fine. Stay strong for your dad ok?” The boys all nod in unison and I offer them a warm smile that I have perfected over the years.

Heading inside I move past the officers and up to the nursery. Guess I missed the baby being born. I step in to the Pastel room with the crib in the center. I can smell sulfur. Fucking demons. My brow furrows. When she re painted the room, she destroyed my devils trap. FUCKING DEMONS!

I punch the door and it shakes on its hinges. An officer gives me an odd look but my death stare sends her scurrying off downstairs. I storm out of the room and down the stairs as what I can only assume is the lead officer grabs my arm.

“who the Hell are you?” He flinched when I turned back to look at him.

“F.B.I.” I shove my badge at him and rip my arm from his grasp. “Now get the Fuck out of my way.” I shove past him as he stares, agape, and I move back to Sheila.

Now where was the nearest crossroads that wasn't paved?

````````````````````````````````````````````````  
“Dean? What are you planning?” Sam asks as he tries to keep pace with his infuriated brother.

“Who do we know that can find anyone?”

“Cass? But he can’t, she would need to pay to him and you know how she is about… no. Dean you are not seriously considering him? After all he’s done?”

“Crowley can find her. He may even be the one who has her. We need to move now before she gets hurt.” Sam yanked dean to a stop mid stride.

“Dean! She isn’t a little kid. She can handle herself. Do you really think she wants you to mess around with Crowley to find her?!” Dean’s brow furrowed as he glared at his younger brother.

“I don’t care! I need to find her! She would never actually ask for help! She… She needs me...” His voice grew soft and Sam sighed.

“No deals. He helps us or he won’t. I won’t let you make any deals.” Dean nods stiffly, knowing full well he’s lying.  
``````````````````````````````

It took forever just to find a crossroads I could actually dig in. I had most of the ingredients on hand so that part wasn’t a real pain. I had devil traps set beneath Sheila, around the crossroads, and a backup one carved in to a bullet. I mixed the ingredients in to an old fallout 4 lunchbox I had and buried it beneath the gravel. With any luck, I won’t get—

“Hello, darling.” Crowley… “what brings you to my domain?” I give him a hard look. We have met before and I have learned to tolerate him because he is useful but that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t stab him with an angel blade.

“You have a problem.” I state simply as I turn to face the cocky voice behind me.

“Is that so? I thought today was going quite well.”

“Your problem is me. One of your runts has something I want. If it is not returned I will be forced to be a very big problem for you.”

“Really now? How do you suppose you will do that all by your lonesome? I see moose and Squirrel have abandoned you on this little quest.” I grit my teeth.

“Damnit, Crowley! Do you know about it or not?! If you know nothing you are just wasting my time!” I bark out my response and draw my cannon.

“Easy there, love. I don’t know who has taken your little girlfriend. I do however know that she has been taken.” I glare daggers at him and cock my gun. “Not one for small talk, are we? You really are Squirrels woman. I will help you dear.” He stalks over to me and lifts my chin, locking eyes with me. “For a price…” I wretch away from him.

“Always looking for a deal. Crossroads demon till the end.”

“Of course, darling. Now… I will find your girl in exchange…. For a kiss.”

“What?” I step back pulling further from him.

“I would say that’s a pretty good deal. No soul, hard labor, or even death. Just a kiss.”

“Ok… next question… why?” I look at him utterly confused and he places a hand on my cheek.

“Because, the lovely Dean Winchester actually loves you. When will I ever get a chance to make him this jealous? Especially after you so conveniently up and deserted the poor boy.” I winced at his words and turned my face away from him.

“You know where she is?” I don’t know if I can stomach the kiss but if it saves Sam and gets me back to Dean, I may have to.  
“No, not yet. But I have my ways darling. You kiss me, tongue optional, “I flinch in disgust” and give me 5 hours. I’ll have your girl located and you can rush in and play the hero.”

“No one gets hurt. Guarantee me the safety of both the boys and Sam.”

“Scouts honor.” He holds up 2 fingers and I almost gag. It’s not that Crowley is not attractive, it’s the whole demon thing. Ugh.

“You can’t tell Dean either.”

“Oh sorry, darling. That is a deal breaker. What is the fun of making him jealous if he doesn’t know?” Fuck.

“Why are you only offering to find her? Can’t you just get her for me?”

“Yes, I can, but that will cost you more than a kiss.” His eyes drag up and down my body and I shiver at the thought.

“No. Ugh. Fine. Just find her for me. I can do the rest.”

“First…” He points down at the devil’s trap around the crossroads and I huff out a sigh as I drag my foot through the spray paint line, breaking it

“Done.”

“all right. Then come here darling.” I swallow hard and take a step towards him holstering my gun. He brushes a stray hair behind my ear before gently tugging me towards him. He places an arm gently around my waist as his lips take mine.

To my surprise he is gentle and threads his free hand through my hair as he coaxes a soft kiss from me. No wonder he seals his deals with a kiss. After another long moment of his lips pressed to mine he gently releases me and I huff out a small sigh. That was kind of hot in a very confusing way.

“If you ever need anything at all, dear, don’t hesitate to call.” He raises a brow and smirks at me. Before I can utter a word, he is gone and I am left with only a number written on my hand and a tingling warmth on my lips.  
`````````````````````

Dean drops the match in to the bowl of ingredients and it bursts in to flame releasing a puff of smoke.  
“Come on Crowley! You didn’t answer your phone but you have to answer this!” Dean shouts out in to the empty dungeon.

“Calm down Squirrel. I had a hot date.” He chuckles and leans in to dean bumping his shoulder.

“I don’t care about your demon whores. I need your help.”

“OoOo I don’t think she would appreciate you calling her that. After all, you’re the one who is supposed to love her.” Dean tenses all over and punches Crowley square on the chin. Crowley reels back and snaps his jaw back in to place. “Is that any way to ask for a favor?!”

“WHERE IS SHE!?” He roars and pushes Crowley against the far wall. 

“Waiting for me.” He chuckles as Dean hits him again. Sam pulls Dean back as he winds up for another shot.

“Cut the crap Crowley. You know what we want. Now, where is she?” Sam asked pushing himself between Crowley and Dean.

“I told you. She is waiting for me. After our passionate encounter, she was quite taken with me. She is awaiting my call.”

“LIAR!” Dean barks from behind Sam

“Really? Then take a look at this.” Crowley offers up his phone. He hits play and a scene plays out where it looks as if Crowley almost lovingly embraces Kate pulling her in to a warm kiss. Dean’s face falls and he shuts his eyes turning away. 

“No way…” Sam mutters as he watches in disbelief.

“I love all the new technology. Drones make great camera men.”

“That’s a crossroads. She summoned you. She made a deal!” Sam shouts pulling Dean out of his own head.

“Well, that was part of it, but I can guarantee you she enjoyed that.”

“What have you done with her?!” Dean growls. His heartache pushed back by rage and fear.

“I told you. Damn simple thing you are. She is waiting for me.”

“WHY YOU SLIMEY DEMON FUCK!?”

“Ooo, feisty. Well, she needed something from Moi. I have found what she was looking for, so I really should get back to her. I am sure she is missing my touch something terrible.”

“I will kill you here and now if you don’t tell me where she is!” Pulling the demon knife from Sam’s belt Dean presses it to Crowley’s throat.

“In due time, Squirrel. Wouldn’t want you rushing in and ruining our next date.” As Dean pulled back the knife to stab him Crowley vanished.

“THAT SON OF A BITCH!” Dean screams and whips the knife against the wall. It clatters to the floor followed by the sounds of Dean’s heavy breaths.  
``````````````````````````````````

It’s been 4 and a half hours… For the king of Hell, he sure works slow. He better hold up his end of the bargain. I didn’t kiss that Demon fuck for nothing… Even if it wasn’t half bad.  
I pace the motel room I am staying in. Maybe I should call him… He gave me the number for a reason, right? I wonder how Sam is holding up…

I am slowly driving myself insane as I walk back and forth across the small room. My eyes are unfocused as everything that could go wrong runs through my head. I am wasting time. I need to find her. There has to be another lead. Why haven’t they contacted me? Do they know I called in—

My nose crashes in to Crowley’s chest as he appears before me. He catches me gently as I lose my balance from the force of the collision.

“Miss me that much, Darling?” He caresses my cheek but I quickly pull away from him.

“Where is she?! We are wasting time!” I bark back at him as I shake off the warmth of his hands on me.

“Calm down, my dear. She is safe. In the hands of an annoying little twat, but safe.”

“Where?” I growl but he only seems more intrigued.

“I would love to hear what other sounds you make. I could make you feel things that Squirrel could never hope to achieve.”

“Silence! Tell me where she is or I call dean right now and ruin your little jealousy play!”

“Your loss love. Here.” He hands me coordinates scribbled on a paper. I look up at him and his look seems to soften.

“What am I up against?”

“Recon was not part of the deal, darling. Good luck. Do call if you change your mind about Squirrel and opt for a real monster.” He chuckles and vanishes without another word.

Fucking demons. I growl to myself as I punch in the coordinates. It is only an hour away. I jump in to Sheila and tear up the road as I floor it.  
``````````````````````````

Dean was driving himself crazy. The image of Kate in Crowley’s arms burned in to his head. Her soul… She sold her soul… for something. He had chewed a hole in his lip and was nursing his 8th beer. Or was it the 9th? 

His phone lit up and ripped him away from his thought. It was a message from Crowley.

“Keep my woman safe. She is walking in to a death trap.” Followed by coordinates.

“His woman?! The slimy little…. SAM! Let’s go!” He called out to his brother who was trying to get anything off Kate’s smashed phone.

“What?!”

“Crowley sent me coordinates to where she is! Let’s go!”

“What if it’s a trap?”

“Do I look Like I care? It’s all we got. If there is any chance she is there we need to move now!” Sam sighed angrily but nodded. There was no other choice.  
`````````````````````````

As I pulled up to what looked like yet another abandon industrial building (how many of these damn things are there?) I can tell that this isn’t going to be easy. It’s an obvious trap. Whether they know I am coming or not I can bet that I am outnumbered. Suddenly all the times Dean has scolded me for running in to a fight I was outnumbered in flood my mind.

“I’m sorry, Dean…” I whisper to myself as I clench my fist. I have no choice. It is my fault Sam is here. I need to save her. If I could have told you, I would have. I load up my cannon with devil trap rounds along with a backup 9mm. I grab a pair if Iron knuckles for good measure. There is no turning back. I have to do this.

I crept quietly along the edge of the building until I found a window I could see through. I could smell the sulfur. Definitely Demons. It was pitch-black inside. I slipped in to a nearby door as quietly as I could. I waited by the door in the dark as I Let my eyes adjust.

I jumped as I heard an angry scream. That’s Sam! Her cry was more anger than pain. If I can get her loose she can help fight, even if she’s hurt. She has just as much fight in her as I do.

I moved as quickly and quietly as I could toward the sound of her voice. When I Pressed my back to the doorway and peered through I could see her tied to a chair and gagged. It looks like they slapped her around a bit. Blood trickled from the corner of her lip. The room was dark and musty. The only thing in the room beside Sam was a Demon straddling a chair in front of her.

“all right sweet heart, now let’s try this again. Where are the Winchesters and your little friend based?” He tugs the cloth down out of her mouth and she spits in his face with a growl.

“Go fuck yourself! I don’t care why you want her, I’m not telling you shit!” he slaps her hard and it takes everything I have not to rip him limb from limb.

“You better change your tune. Your little girlfriend isn’t coming for you. Even if she does, we will kill her before sh— “My bullet sinks in to his chest binding him to the spot. He screams and flails as I run to Sam.

“We don’t have time. More are coming. Here!” I untie her quickly and give her the iron knuckles. “Come on! Try to avoid them. They aren’t human!” I take her hand and pull her along behind me. She tries to ask me what I meant but when I push through the door way I feel a fist connect with my jaw. It knocks me in to the wall and I am dazed for a second. Sam lands a good punch and the demon hisses as the iron buns it.

I get to my feet and tackle the demon before it can lunge at her again. I jump up and grab her as we run forward again. I fire a round into another demon as it charges us. It screeches as it gets pinned to the wall.

I fling her ahead of me as I feel an arm around my throat. My pistol slides across the floor towards Sam as I am dragged backward.

“GO!” I choke out as much of a scream as I can to spur her on but she won’t leave. I know her. She scrambles for my gun as the demon shoves me up against a wall and hoists me up by my throat.

“Little bitch! You won’t get out of here on your own! You and your little girlfriend are going to— “Sam’s shot hits true but the kick sends my cannon flying from her hand, nearly missing her face.

I slam to the ground coughing but Sam is already pulling me to my feet.

“Come on!” She slings my arm over her shoulder and we start to move again. When I look back there are more demons advancing. Sam suddenly stops and it brings my eyes forward. We are surrounded.

I Grab my spare gun and draw on them.

“Sam I need you to run. Don’t wait for me. Get to Sheila and go.” I silence her protest with a stern look and unload on the demons in front of us. It knocks them back enough to give Sam a chance to slip through. She runs full speed but I can see her look back as she finally makes it out of sight and the demons close in on me.

When I come to I am hanging by my wrists in the center of what looks like a room out of a Saw movie. I groan as the pressure on my shoulders worsens as I try to pull my hands free. Fucking hell. Maybe I should have slept with Crowley. It can’t be worse than this.

I glance around the room but there is nothing in sight. My cannon… I can’t lose that gun… I try my restraints again but only manage to make myself cry out in agony as my shoulders give out. I feel like I just lost a fight with a bunch of demons… Oh wait, I did. All I can taste is blood and my right eyebrow is cut to the point where I can’t see from the blood. I really fucked up this time. Well, at least Sam is ok… Maybe she got to Dean… I left my phone in the car so she could call him… I hope she knows to call him…

My eyelids feel heavy as is but sudden footsteps rush in from behind me and before I know it I take another shot to the face and the world goes dark.  
``````````````````````````````````````````````

“D-Dean?” Sam’s voice is shaky as she slams on the gas trying to put some distance between her and the warehouse.

“Who is this?”

“Its Sam. Kate is in a lot of trouble! I— “

“Where are you!”

“I don’t know! Some warehouse looking shit! She managed to get me out but she didn’t make it! They have her! I don’t know what kind of crazy shit those guys were on but they didn’t even stop when she shot them!”

“Stay put! We are coming. Go in to your maps and send me a screen shot of where you are!” Dean hangs up the phone and presses the gas petal to the floor. Sam looks at the map image as it pops up on Dean’s phone. 

“She is only up the road. Looks like Crowley gave us the right information.” Sam looks up as Sheila’s lights come in to view. 

Dean slams on the brakes and blocks Sam in forcing her to stop.

“Sam! Its Dean. Its ok.” He calls out to her and she slumps back with relief. Sammy jumps out of the Impala to check on her. She is a little beat up but more scared than anything.

“Sam, I’m… also Sam. Do you remember me?” He asks gently. She lets out a quiet laugh and nods.

“Yea. Yea just… I’m good. Get Kate…” She is exhausted.

“I want you to drive up the road a ways and park at the next turn off. Wait there for us. We are going to get Kate ok?” Sammy says gently handing her a bottle of water and wiping away the blood from her cheek.

“O-ok... Just… get to her. She will die for me. I can’t let her. I… “

“I know.” Dean says quietly as he steps up next to Sam. She grabbed his collar and pulls his face down so they are eye to eye.

“She loves you. If you can’t save her, you don’t deserve what she wants to give you.” For whatever reason that seems to bring her back to life. She pushes the boys out of the way and drives around baby heading off up the road.

Dean takes a moment then shakes his mind back to the present.

“Let’s go.” Dean slams the door on baby and hits the gas, throwing up gravel as he flies towards the warehouse.  
`````````````````````````````````````

Another blow lands and I spit out the blood pooling in my mouth.

“You are much more useful than her. You know so much more! This worked out perfectly.” He slaps me again and I grunt as the pain throbs through my body.

“Go fuck yourself… I won’t give you anything.”

“Oh honey… You don’t have a choice.” As his words end I feel a blade sink in to my hip, right where my anti-possession tattoo is. Oh, no…

Crowley, Castiel, anyone! Someone fucking help me! I can’t…. I flail hard, kicking against the demon and roar as my shoulders scream. He grabs me by the hair and pulls me to his chest.

“I love it when you struggle.” He hisses in my ear. He opens his mouth and just as I think He is going to possess me; his body lights up as the demon inside fades out of existence. I feel arms around me and my head lolls forward as my arms are cut free.

“Now you owe me, Darling.” Crowley’s voice rings in my ears as he sets me gently on the cold floor.

“Kate!” Dean? Everything is foggy but I feel warm arms around me again and I can feel myself being lifted from the floor.

“D…. Dean…?” I manage to stammer and I feel his unmistakable kiss on my face. I blink a few times to focus and his face comes in to view. That knot in his brow looks so bad. Like its etched there forever. I want to touch his face but when I try to move my arm I wince at the agony.

“It’s ok, baby. I got you.” He reassures me and He carries me toward the exit.

“S-Sam?” I ask softly in to his chest.

“She is ok. She has Sheila.”

“Sammy?”

“I’m here too Kate. Everyone is safe.” Sam says looking back from his leading position.

He presses me against his chest and soon the familiar smell of Dean and the Impala consume me.  
``````````````````````````````````  
“She’s ok?” Sam asked as she grabbed on to the door of the Impala as the boys pulled up. Seeing her curled up in Deans lap, bloody and beaten, she let out a shaky gasp. Tears welled in her eyes as she slid in beside Kate and Dean. She brushed the bloody matted hair away from her face and looked down at her injured body.

“This isn’t your fault.” Sammy said quietly from the front seat as he looked back. She sniffled and wiped her face.

“It’s mine. I should have protected her.” Dean said quietly as he gently stroked Kates hair. Sam looked up at him angrily.

“Don’t say that to her. She already blames herself. She will only blame herself for you blaming yourself. Just… Tell her how much you love her.” Sam said as she stared angrily at Dean. He looked down at Kates sleeping face and he felt his heart ache for her. Sam was right. That’s how her mind works. He sighed and nodded at her.

“Sammy… Let’s get Sam home and head back to the bunker.”

“I am not leaving her.” Sam said adamantly taking Kate’s hand.

“Your family is probably freaking out.” Sammy said looking concerned.

“I’ll call them. I AM NOT leaving her.” She stared them both down angrily and Dean let out a sigh.

“We can’t leave Sheila. Sammy, you drive the girls. I’ll take Sheila.”

“Dean… Are you sure? She is going to want you when she wakes up.”

“I won’t be far. The sooner we get her home the better, and we aren’t getting anywhere like this. Sam?” He nodded down at Kate and Sam understood. She got out and opened his door. He held Kate up gently and let Sam slide in to his place. “Take care of her for me.” He said quietly as he closed the door leaving Kate to rest with Sam.

Once Dean was finally alone in Sheila he could feel the tears welling in his eyes. She's safe. She's back with him. The warmth of her touch and the sweet sound of his name rolling off her tongue. His brows furrowed. But she sold her soul… he tightened his grip on the wheel as he followed baby. Everything he loved was riding in front of him.

He wiped away his tears but doing so only managed to smear Kate's blood across his face. He bit back a sob as he caught is face in the mirror. He would save her. No matter what it takes. She meant everything and he would never lose her again.

They made fairly good time and drove through the night to get back to the bunker. After Sam called her family she almost immediately passed out in the back seat. Sammy spent the ride listening to the quiet breathing of the girls, just content to have proof they were both ok.

Once the cars were parked in the garage Sammy stepped over to the back door and gently called to Sam to see if she would wake. When he got no response he carefully untangled Sam's fingers from Kate's and picked her up. He stepped out of the way and carried her to one of the spare bedrooms.

Dean stepped in to look at Kate. She was still cover in blood and badly bruised. His brow furrowed and he carefully pulled her in to his arms. He planned a soft kiss on her forehead before heading to his room.

He laid her down softly on his bed before attempting to pull her blood-soaked jacket off.


	9. Chapter 9

A sharp pain ripped me from the dark, dreamless sleep I had been trapped in. I let out a growl as my shoulder screamed in pain. I felt warm hands on me in an instant.

“Hey… take it easy.” Dean's vice sounded strained. I opened my eyes to see a blurry vision of Dean. After closing my right eye, I could see more clearly.

“Dean. God, it's good to see you.” I let out a week laugh and he gave me a sad smile.

“the feeling is mutual but you look like shit.”

“Thanks, baby" I said with a weak chuckle. Looking up at him I could see that little knot in his brow. It was so deep, like it would never go away. I strained to try and touch his face but I couldn't get very far. “I want to touch you, but my shoulders aren't cooperating.”

“Then this is going to really suck. We have to get your jacket off.” His voice is low but rough, like he had been screaming all day. His eyes were red like he had been crying. Oh, my sweet Dean.

I nodded and braced myself for the pain. He slid one arm under my back and pressed me to his chest as he slowly pulled off my jacket. I grit my teeth and wish my jacket wasn’t so fitted. I let out the breath I didn't know I had been holding as my jacket falls to the floor.

He presses Me to his chest and wraps me in his arms. I can feel him shaking.

“Dean… I love you.” He squeezed me tighter and I heard his breath hitch. “I'm ok. I'm safe baby. Don't worry.” I can feel his fingers first in the back of my shirt.

“Stupid girl. Stop leaving me behind. Let me protect you Damnit!”

“I'm sorry. The message I got said I had to leave you with nothing or they would kill her… I wanted to tell you.” He pulled back to look me in the eye and his face was wet with tears. He looked at me with a mix of anger and sadness.

“what about Crowley?! You made a deal with him! How much time…” he looks away from me and sighs.

“How much time?” I ask confused. What kind of deal does he think I made?

“How much time do you have left?” His voice is so quiet I almost don't hear him.

“He had already collected his payment from me. I didn't sell him my soul.” He looks back up at me surprised. “all he wanted from me was a kiss. I'm sorry and it meant nothing but I had to save Sam. Since you know about his involvement I assume he had already rubbed it in your face. He offered to find Sam in exchange for making you jealous.” He stared at me in shock before he buried his face in my neck. It made my heart hurt that I couldn't move my arms to hold him.

“I thought I was going to lose you…” His voice is strained and it brings tears to my eyes.

“Dean… I will never leave you.” The tears roll down my cheeks as I press a kiss to his temple. I hear a tiny choked sob and it breaks my heart. “Dean… just hold me. I missed you so much.” He laid down with me trying his best not to hurt me. He presses me close to his chest and I leave small kisses against his sweat drenched skin. He must have been so terrified. My poor Dean. I have never seen him so upset. He tangles me tightly in his arms, tighter than ever before. Buried in the only place I want to be I can stay awake no longer.

 

Dean and I jolt up at the sound of Sam's scream. Dean stays up but I crumple fairly quickly. Before he can protest I roll out of the bed and stumble towards the door.

“God Damnit, Kate!” He leaps up pulling me back causing me to hiss in agony.

“WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU?!” Sam's voice drowns out my pain and the 2 of us rush to the source of the commotion.

Sammy skids to a stop behind us as we turn the corner to Sam leveling one of my guns at a very confused Cass.

“That won't hurt me.” Cass says evenly as he steps towards her. She cocks my gun and looks at him angrily.

“Sam! He's ok. He's an angel.” She looks at me irritated but her face softens when she sees me still in my bloody clothes.

“Kate… I don't care how sweet he is. He scarred the shit out of me.”

“No, no. He is a real angel. Like… God angel… and those things we fought… they were demons.” She looks at me like I'm crazy and lowers my gun. “remember when I told you our job was dangerous? We hunt monsters.” I sigh, out of breath as my wounds catch up to me.

“You prayed for me. You have never done that before so I thought something bad had happened.” Cass looks me up and down as Dean puts his arms around me to hold me up. “It appears I was correct.” He strides towards me but Sam yanks him back.

“Hey! Get away from her!” She growls putting herself between him and me.

“Sam, it's ok. He can heal her.” Sammy says softly as he places a hand on her shoulder pulling her out of Cass' path. She looks on with a worried expression as Cass placed his hand gently on my face. Warmth floods my body from his point pf contact and I feel my body come back to life. I stumble a bit but Dean has his arms locked around me, holding me steady. Sam cradles my face in her hands looking intently in to my eyes.

“Kate?” He voice is so soft it makes my heart clench. I place a hand over hers as I Straighten myself, finally getting my footing. 

“I’m ok, Sam. I know this is totally insane. Come sit with down.” I take her hand in mine, squeezing it reassuringly. She gives me a small smile and follows me to the war table where I sit her down beside me. She curls up close to me as the boys fill in around us. “Castiel, this is my friend, Sam. Sam, this is Cass.” She eyes him nervously. I give her shoulder a squeeze as I put my arm protectively around her.

“Hi.” Cass says in his usual gruff voice. Sammy and Dean look back and forth between Sam and Cass awkwardly.

“Um… Long story short, monsters are real, so are angels and demons. I know this sounds like a crazy movie plot but it’s the real deal…” Sammy says bluntly rubbing the back of his neck.

“What… the… fuck…?” Sam looks at him with a raised brow. She quickly swivels her glare to me and I flinch away from her. “WHAT THE FUCK DUDE!? How did you even get involved in this?!” 

“I… I um, just kind of fell in to it?” 

“How fucking high are you!? You have to be fucking baked right now.”

“I know it’s crazy but… I help people. You know I always had hero syndrome… it just kind of happened…”

“Kate... you could die. This isn’t helping all the emo kids make it through high school. You are still covered in blood…” her rage seems to melt as she tugs on my blood-stained shirt. Suddenly it feels like she has forgotten the boys are even here.

“I know… It’s dangerous and I get hurt sometimes, but I’m not dead yet. This is what I do. What we do.” I gesture at the boys and it snaps her back to the situation at hand. “They are good people. Saving people and hunting things is what they have always done. I’ve only been hunting since I was 24. They have been doing it their whole lives. Sam… I love this life. As fucked up as that sounds, I love hunting with the boys. I love fighting to save people.” She looks at me with a sad pout but I know she can feel it too. This is where I belong.

“I know this is pretty much what you have always wanted, in a weird way. Your life is a damn video game. But you have to promise me you will be careful. I know how reckless you have been since… well, I need you to promise me that my daughter will know you. That she will grow up with you in her life. She needs you. I need you.” She takes my hands in hers and I give her a small smile. I can’t promise that, and she knows it.

“I will try. I will fight my hardest to stay alive, Sam. For you and for Dean. The people in this room, right now. You are my family… and will fight to keep that.” She hugs me tight and I have to bite my lip to stop the tears begging to fall. Dean puts a hand on her shoulder and she looks up at him.

“I will protect her. I won’t let her die.” He says in an honest tone that makes my heart clench.

“We all will. We are a family and we look out for each other.” Sammy chimes in from behind me placing a warm hand on my shoulder.

“I always knew you would find your happily ever after, Kate.” She gives me a smirk as I smile fondly at the people around me. It took a long fucking time and a hell of a lot of fighting to get here, but I finally found where I am truly supposed to be.


End file.
